Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
So, when I got off work I went to the gym. I was tired. But I decided to go anyway. I thought, the best way to get rid of some of my frustrations is to work them off at the gym. And I worked all right. Sometimes it's hard to go two or three days in a row, but today I felt like I needed to go. 5 minutes into my workout, I was feeling so much better. It's amazing how working your muscles and opening your lungs to let air in makes you feel better.
We started going back to the gym on October 25. It's been a little over a month now. I know I keep saying this, but I have never felt better. To date, I have lost 15 pounds. It's amazing how 15 pounds can make you feel so much better; not only physically, but also mentally. I feel proud of myself when I wake up now.
Some days are struggles. There are days when I want nothing more then to eat McDonalds for lunch. Instead, I have my turkey sandwich (on wheat) and eat lots of fruits and veggies. Here are my main reasons for wanting to lose weight and change my life:
1) I want to be able to look at myself in the mirror without saying, "God, you are so fat".
2) Laura: I want her to be so proud of me when she looks at me and I want her to LOVE what she sees when she is looking at me. (Laura has always said that it doesn't matter how much I weight and I truly and honestly believe her, but I can look better)
3) I want to prove to myself that I can lose this weight without any diet aids or quick fix diets
4) I want to take control of my diabetes and not let it control my life or how I feel
5) One day Laura and I want to have a child and I want to bring that child into the world being the best I can be physically as well as mentally
6) I want to be able to shop at any store and not worry if they have an XL
7) I don't want to feel that I am the fattest person in the room
8) I want to look awesome when we go to Florida in April
9) I want the jeans that I wore on Thanksgiving to be too big for me
10) I want to be able to turn heads when I am walking down the street (Don't worry Laura, you will always be my love) :)
Losing weight is one of the hardest things I have ever done. I have tried for the past ten years on a regular basis to lose weight. I want to win this battle this time. I want to be able to say, "see I told you I could do it". I want my life to be focused on more then just my weight.
One day I will get there. I will not give up this time. I have too many things to keep me motivated this time.
Monday, November 28, 2005
What a sad weekend in the entertainment world. I heard the news on Thankgsiving night. Nick and Jessica have officially called it quits. Before their Newlywed show, I had not heard of either of them. But each week I watched them and grew to love them. The funniest thing I saw on the show was when they were at the beach and Jessica thought she saw a jellyfish, instead it was just a plastic sack. I always thought Nick was a sweetheart and she never appreciated him. He was always doing sweet things for her and she didn't seem to love it, like us the audiance did.
I will tell you, this breakup is not as shocking as the one that came last January when we were told that Brad and Jennifer were divorcing. Laura and I had a discussion over the weekend over who would come out looking better in this divorce. She said Jessica. But I think it will be Nick. Just my opionion.
Sunday, November 27, 2005
So, I drove home disgusted with myself. I only spent $60 of my own money, but still I hate walking out having just given $60 to the casino. It would have been easier to just slip the money under the front door and never walk in.
I am lucky because I don't have anything I am addcited to that needs an intervention. But, I could tell you, gambling slots, could be a major addiction for me.
I came home and threw away rest of my coupons from the casino and vowed never to go back again. We'll see how long it lasts this time.
Friday, November 25, 2005
Thanksgiving morning stated out by us going and doing a little shopping. K-Mart and Big Lots were open, so we decided to go and see what kind of sales they were having. We found some stuff that her Mom and sister wanted to buy for the kids. (they live about an hour from the closest K-Mart of Big Lots) When we came home and were getting ready to leave I had noticed that Laura was not wearing her normal pair of jeans. As it turns out, her "favorite" pair of jeans no longer fit her. She was thrilled. Well, just to see, I tried on her jeans that no longer fit her to see if they fit me. (my jeans are too big also and it looks like I am swimming in them now, but have not gone out and gotten a new pair yet) Well, to my delight and surprise, her jeans now fit me. I was THRILLED!!!!!!! Finally, I am noticing the weight loss. It made me feel so good. The jeans fit, but you at times can be a little tight. (bending over, sitting etc) So, they are nowmy inspiration at the gym. My goal is for them to be real comfy come Christmas.
This morning we woke up at 4am to go do some shopping. Best Buy was having some awesome deals as was Kohls. Well, we got to the shopping center where both were and could not believe the line at Best Buy. At 4:30am there must have been 2,000 people waiting to go inside at 5am. It was fucking crazy. Laura, who has gone out many times the day after Thanksgiving couldn't believe it either. So, we decided to go to Kohls first. That line only had about 500 people waiting. Once inside I was shocked at how rude some people can be. I was walking back to the area that i needed to go and people about ran me over. I then realized that I needed to pick up my pace. Afterwards, we went back to BestBuy and there were no lines, outside the store. Once inside, it was fucking nuts. The line to check out went from the front of the store and went all the way back to the back of the store. We left and went to Walmart.
So, this morning was quite an experience. We got home around 8am and slept until noon. Then it was back to the gym. My body thanked me very much for the day off yesterday from working out.
Hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Oh, and by the way, don't you just love my Laura. That comment she wrote was so sweet. She is a doll. Well, time to put up the Christmas tree.
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
1)Laura--She has been my best friend, my lover and the person that I can turn to when things are the best and when things are the worst. She is truly the best thing that has ever happened to me.
2) Family--Even though my family has disowned me, I have gained a whole new family. Laura's family from day 1 has accepted me as part of their family. They love and accept me exactly the way I am. They have shown me the true meaning of what a family is.
3) My pets--they are always there at the front door when I come home and are always thrilled that I am home. Even when I am having a horrible day, they forgive me when I yell at them.
4) My job--there are many people that do not have a job, or are getting ready to loose their job (GM workers). I am thankful that I have a job that allows me to do what I love
5) My health--I am thankful that I have woke up and am finally taking care of my body. My body on the other hand has responded well to the changes I have made and I have never felt better physically.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!! ENJOY THE DAY WITH YOUR LOVED ONES!!!
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
One of the most memorable Thanksgivings for me was when I was about 9 or 10. We always went out for Thanksgiving dinner to the Country Club. Well, this year we were having one of my Uncles friends with us. I was so excited because she brought me and my brother these chocolate turkeys. I remember being so excited. It was hard going to these Country Clubs as a child because you always had to behave to well and not be loud. But going to JW services 3x a week taught me well how to be quiet. I have never forgotten that Thanksgiving.
It is so wonderful being able to celebrate the holidays with absoutly NO guilt. My family and the whole JW organization taught and trained through guilt.
Monday, November 21, 2005
This will be the first time that Laura and I have spent a night apart. It's only one night, but I still worry about her cat taking over my side of the bed for good.
When I was young there were two women that had a great amount of influence over me. They were my Grandmothers. They were two very different women. Grandma Ness was my Mom's mom. She was a very traditonal woman. She had the kindest heart of anyone I knew. And she always had a smile on her face. One thing that I loved so much about her was how she gave such attention to each of her Grandchildren. She always tried to spend that special time with you. When I was growing up I alawys felt like she understood me like no one else. A year after I got married I got a call from my aunt asking if I could go to her house and sit with her while her husband (my Grandpa had passed away in 1983) went to church. At first I was kind of upset because my ex was working that night and I was planning a night all to myself at home. My Grandma had gotten to the point where she didn't like being at home by herself at night. She seemed like she was in good health and rarely complained. That night it was just my Grandma and me. We sat there and talked for two hours about life. It was one of the most powerful conversations I had ever had with her. I remember leaving that night feeling so good about my relationship with her. 6 days later I got a call at 6am from my Mom saying that she had been rushed to the hospital. I got there right before she went into surgery. (she had an ulcer that was bleeding) It was as if she knew she was not coming out of the surgery. She was able to say goodbye to all of us. It was so emotional. After surgery she never woke up. Her funeral was on the one year anniversay of my ex's and I wedding. My Mom later told me that my Grandma was so excited about the new dress she had gotten for my wedding that she told my Mom that she wanted to be buried in it. Exactly one year later, she was buried in that dress.
Thinking about my life now and my Grandma I know she would still love me. My Mom has said that my Grandmothers would think what I was doing (being gay) as disgusting. They may not agree with me being gay, but that would not keep them from loving me. Unlike my Mother, they knew the bonds of family. They never in a million years would cut off one of their children or grandchildren.
After my Grandma passes away, my ex and I bought the house. I still live in that house today. It brings me comfort on days when I am really missing my Grandma. I swear there are times when I walk in the house and I can still smell her perfume. I know she is here with me and it's her inspiration that gets me through some of these tough times.
Saturday, November 19, 2005
1) This morning Time Warner was out and we got Road Runner installed. YEA!! It's amazing how much faster the internet is with it. Using the internet at work is fast for both of us because we are on a network, and now we have the luxary of fast internet at home.
2) Our city has finally been recycling, which is a good thing. It took us about a year to finally get on the ball and get one of those special recycle bins. Well, we got ours when our neighbors moved and wouldn't need it anymore. We are amazed at how much less trash we have now that we are recycling. My Father would be proud. Anyway..Yesterday was our day to put out the recycles. When I got home from work I remember seeing it out there, but thinking I would bring it in when we got home from dinner. We were gone for maybe 2 hours and it was gone. Well, I didn't notice it was gone until this morning. I know it wasn't there last night because if I had seen it I would have remembered to bring it in. So, I am thinking someone took it while we were at dinner. In the big picture, it's really not that big of a deal, we will just go pay $10 for another one. But still. Why would someone steal a fucking recycle bin. Doesn't make any sense to me. It's like they are in high demand. Gives me less faith in this neighborhood.
3) The front of our house is fully ready for the holidays. I have taken pictures and will post them here as soon as possible. It looks great. And our Snoopy blowup is adorable. We are just now waiting for it to get dark so we can see everything lit up. I am also a little disappointned in our neighborhood because no one really puts out any decorations anymore. It's sad because this neighborhood used to once be a real nice one. Makes us realize that eventually we will have to move. Because this certainly is no place to raise a child.
Friday, November 18, 2005
It was November 19, 1995 that my ex and I got married. I remember thinking I was very happy, but I was lying to myself. My ex and I were getting along horribly and things just weren't the same as when we first got together. My parents spent a small fortune on our wedding. Because we were Jehovah's Witnesses and my ex's family were not JW's, we had to have the wedding somewhere that his brothers could be in the ceremony. (see unless you are a baptized JW, you can not be in a wedding if it's in the church building, also known as Kingdom Halls) So, we chose to have the wedding at the Ritz Carlton. We had the ceremony and reception there with a full sit down dinner. Most of the guests (90%) were JW's. Now, when you are a JW you almost commite to living in poverty. You are taught that money is evil, so you should only have enough to survive. My father is a lawyer, so that is how my parents were able to afford something like this. So, for most of the JW's, they had never in their life been to a wedding let alone a hote like this. My Mother to this day brings up how much they spent on the wedding (about $30,000) and tries to use guilt to make me feel bad. Sorry, I don't.
I remember thinking the night before the wedding that I really didn't want to get married. I knew this was what I was suppose to be doing, but something seemed wrong. It took another 5 loooooong years to realize what was wrong.
So, thinking about that weekend and then looking at my life now, there is no comparison. My life has made a dramtic change. Even on the days when we are both bitchy and not in good moods, my days are filled with more love and happiness. I used to dread coming home at night. Now, the minute I get to work, I start counting down the hours until I am able to go home and be with Laura.
I've learned one thing in life: eventually your karma is going to catch up with you. Whether that's good or not, is up to you.
After I told my ex that was it for him. He decided he was out of here. That was fine with me. So, with him gone I could explore my feelings for women. By this time MG is out of the picture. I had told MG my feelings and she politely said she was not interested in a relationship like that. I was crushed. It was several months later that I met CG. She was the first woman that I kissed. I knew from that moment that I was gay. And it scared me to death. Because I knew what the consequences would be. I knew that neither the church nor my family would approve. I didn't know what to do. So, I did nothing. This was in 2000 and it took me 4 more years to get the courage to finally say "to hell with it".
Looking back I think some of the signs were there. I remember really liking other girls, but I didn't realize I was attracted to them. It's weird because I don't think I knew what the word was. When I was a teenager I used to buy those teenage magazines like "Bop" and I would always cut out pictures of the women stars I liked. I had a whole book of cut outs from these magazines of the women stars I liked. That was a clue.
On Oprah there were a couple of people on there that came out to parents while they were teenagers and their parents kicked them out of the house. I know for a fact that if I had told my parents when I was a teenager that I was gay, they would have done the same thing. They woudl have had no problem doing that. So, I am kind of glad that I did not realize until I was on my own that I realized. It's been hard enough being on my own and dealing with the aftermath of telling my parents. I can't even imagine how difficult it would have been if I was a teenager. My parents have shown that their hearts are filled with a lot of hate. Nothing else can explain them "disposing" of their child because of their sexual orientation. I have always said from the day I came out to them that "it's sad when you get to a certain age and you aren't talking to your children". (Taken from "The Other Sister") People always say that they will probably come around in a couple years. They don't know my parents. To them, I am dead. It is easier for them to pretend I am dead, then to come to terms with their own prejudices. They don't want to come to terms with the fact that one of their children is gay. They are taking the easy road. And for that I have lost all respect for them.
So, that is "When I knew".
Thursday, November 17, 2005
There was a farming family that had one child. This child was accepted into Harvard. Two weeks before he was suppose to leave for Harvard he was killed in a plowing accident. His parents decided they wanted to donate something to the school in his honor. So, they went to Harvard to meet with the President of the school. Both his Mother and Father showed up to meet with the President in what appeared to be homemade clothing. His parents waited 4 hours to meet with the President. Finally after 4 hours, the President of the school decided that he could not put them off any more and called them in. His parents told the President that they wanted to donate something to the school in honor of their son. The President asked if they had something in mind. His Father said they were thinking of donating money to build a building. The President kind of laughed at them and asked, "Do you realize how much money it would cost to build a building here?" His Father said, "no, how much would it cost." The President said to him "About $2 million dollars." His Father said, "oh, ok. Thank you very much" and they walked out of the Presidents office.
You see, this couple, even though it did not appear as if they had money, they infact had a lot of money. They decided that since it would only cost $2 million to build one building, they would build a bunch of buildings and create their own school in honor of their son. And they would name the school after their son. Their sons name was Stanford.
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
About two months ago I got what I thought was a simple pimple under my arm. We figured it was probably an ingrown hair. Well, I kept popping it, but it would come back bigger and bigger. Last Sunday it was really hurting. I asked Laura to try to pop it (can't do it on my own since it's under my arm). The pain was horrible and all that came out was blood. I was getting a little concerned. Well, I had the doctor look at it and she said, "Yep it's a boil. Let me get a needle to pop it." Huh???? Well, she had me lay down and took the needle and put it down the middle and then squeezed as hard as she could. The pain was horrible. I kept thinking..."I wonder if childbirth is this bad?" Well, after a few minutes she said it was gone. You should have seen the blood. It was gross. Well, my arm stung for about 30 minutes and then felt much better. I just noticed that the bump is back. Damn. I guess we will try to drain it again tonight. I am not looking forward to it at all.
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
I grew up in Leawood, KS. Leawood is a posh city just across the state line. (The Kansas City Meteropolitan area makes up cities both in Kansas and Missouri) It is here (Leawood) where the Chiefs players live, the Royals players live and anyone with money. Not only is it a safe city, but it has excellent schools. It's the kind of city where your kids can play in the front yard and you don't have to have your eye on them all the time.
This week it was revealed that the police officers in Leawood had started a "Murder Pool". They were putting in money and betting on how many murders the city of Kansas City, MO would have for 2005. I find this deeply disturbing. It has been a huge scandel this week. The mayor of Leawood made a public announcement yesterday talking about her disgust in the workers, etc. Watching this announcement made me even more deeply concerened for the city of Leawood. The mayor did a horrible job publicly speaking about what was going on right under her nose. She was reading from a piece of paper and never once looked up. It made me ashamed that I was raised in Leawood.
Innoncent people are dying. What about that does the people of Leawood not understand? They don't live in a bubble city where they aren't effected by crime. Just over two years ago a 19 year old lifeguard was murdered at a pool in Leawood. Don't get me wrong, I think it was horrible that this girl was murdered. But you would have thought this was one of the worst disaseters that hit KC.
110 people have been killed for NO reason in Kansas City, MO. We need to wake up and start speaking up. THE SILENCE IS KILLING US!
Jehovah's Witnesses are against Christmas and most holidays. They feel they are pagen and are created by the devil. Blah, Blah, Blah...They might try looking at their history. They once celebrated all the holidays. But they would never admit to that. As they would say, "There was more light put on God's Word and we realized it was wrong to celebrate the holidays." Bullshit, Bullshit, Bullshit.
Since I have left this greedy, man run organization I have done a lot of research on JW's and their history. I grew up in this religion from day 1 and never knew most of the things I have learned. They are very good at hiding this from their members.
Monday, November 14, 2005
I would love to be a forecaster in Kansas City. You never have to be right. So, as I see it, you can continue to be wrong at work, and it just doesn't matter. There have been times when they have called for an inch or so of snow and we end up with 10 inches of snow. The day before Thanksgiving last year they didn't say anything about snow. We wake up on that Wednesday and there was 9 inches of snow on the ground. Now, I love snow, but I would like some warning so I can prepare. Because you see, people in KC, do now know how to drive, let alone drive when there is snow on the ground.
So, tonight they are calling for a "chance" of snow. This means either two things:
1) We will get 10 inches of snow
2) It will be sunny with temps in the 90's.
One thing I have learned about the weather in KC having lived here my entire life. If you don't like the weather that is currently outside: wait just 10 minutes and it will change.
Sunday, November 13, 2005
The last 3 times I have gone to the gym you have been there. I don't think you realize how annoying you are. Let me explain to you the reasons you are so annoying. You walk into the gym and find a machine. You get on and program your workout. Then you realize your daughter is not doing what you think she should be doing. You yell at her all the way across the room for her to come to you. (I have earphones on and the radio blasing, but I can still hear you) When she gets to you, you continue to talk very loud. You are acting like everyone wants to hear your business. Your daughter leaves and you start up again. You realize that you need to get some water. You get off your machine and casually make your way over to the water fountain. You notice your daughter on the weight machines and you don't think she is doing the weights correctly. You yell at her to wait for you to show her how to work the weights. You walk over to the weights and you show her how it should be done. You then walk back to your machine. You workout for maybe 3 minutes and then realize that you forgot to weight yourself. You get off your machine and walk over to the scale. You come back and realize your machine as once again restarted, which means you will have to restart your workout. Your cellphone rings. You answer it and have a 15 minute conversation about the neighbor next door that you think should be at the gym at least walking around the track. As your conversation continues, you realize you are out of water again. You step off the machine and walk over to the water fountain, as you are talking on your cellphone and refill your water bottle. You then get back on your machine and restart your workout.
At this point, my workout is over. As I am walking out of the gym, I look back and realize you have stepped off your machine again.
Here's an idea...stay on the machine and shut your God Damn mouth. Get in touch with your "inside voice" because not everyone wants to hear about your daughter, your neighbor and most of all, your workout.
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Terry (and Oprah) couldn't understand how he never knew he was gay until two years ago. Because you are born gay, so you should know somehow. The one thing that was said that pissed me off was when Terry asked her Ex-hubby if he had ever slept with a guy before coming out to her. He said no. She said, "then how do you know you are gay? That would be like me saying I am alcoholic but never had an alcoholic drink." I whole heartly disagree. When a teenager who has not had sex yet says I am attracted to the opposite sex, do we question that because they have not done anything. NO WE DO NOT. But when someone says they are gay why does society question that feeling even if we have not "done anything".
Take me for example. I was married and had never even thought of doing anything with women. But I found myself attracted to women. It was 6 months after I started having feelings for women before I acted on that. (and by the way, my husband and I had seperated at that point, so there was no cheating)
I love Oprah, but I was a little upset with her. It was so fucking obvious that she was siding with Terry. I felt sorry for Terry's ex-husband. No matter who you are, you struggle with your feelings of homosexuality because of society. I can understand why he didn't come out earlier then he did. And I think Terry does owe him some money. He was just a baby when she moved him here. He at least deserves something for putting up with your vain self for as long as he did.
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Just a warning, this post is a little long. I found this "surfing" other blogs. I thought it was intersting. Made me do some thinking.
When was the last time you cried? On Sunday night after watching Extreme Makeover:Home Edition. Damn, I hate that show.
Have you ever faked sick? Yes, when I don't feel like going to work. Or, I did it a lot when I was in school.
What was the last lie you said? I really don't know...
Have you ever cried during a movie? Yes, usually the Hallmark commericals make me cry, so it would be safe to say I have cried during a movie
Who was the last person you couldn't take your eyes off of? Laura
Have you ever been drunk? I am sad to report that yes, I have been drunk on a few occasions
Have you ever tried drugs? Yes, a couple times. It was stupid
Do you smoke? Like a chimmney
What is your full name? Caroline Ann M.....
What is your blood-type o+
Have you ever been in a car accident? Yes, just one as the driver. It happened last June. We were hit by a semi-truck. Luckily we were not hurt, but the car was.
How old were you when you received your first kiss? 16
Who was your first kiss? Tim R. (looking back, I don't know what I was thinking)
Have you ever had an online relationship? Yes
Have you ever had phone-sex? No
Have you ever been rejected by a crush? Yes, it was devesating
Have you ever made a prank phone call? Too many to count when I was a teenager. My friends and I used to do that for fun. Caller ID has taken the fun out of that for the kids nowadays.
Have you ever said "I Love you" and not meant it? Yes..but what do you say when the other person is looking at you expecting you to say it also.
What's your favourite childhood memory? Going to summer camp. It was some of the best times of my life. I learned so many things that I would have never learned sitting around the house watching tv
Is there anything that you have done that you regret? Getting married.
What do you want to be when you grow up? Exactly what I am doing now. A social worker
Have you ever had cybersex? No
Do you believe in God? Yes, although, my belief in God was questioned due to being raised a Jehovah's Witness. They make you think unless you are a JW, then you don't believe in the right God. I wasted several years of my life thinking God didn't love me.
Do you believe in love at first sight? I think love comes after time.
Do you believe in karma? Yes
Who do you have a crush on? Faith Hill, Jennifer Aniston
What are you afraid of? Fires, spiders and the house being broken into in the middle of the night
Are you religious? I am spiritual
What person do you trust the most? Laura
Who was your first boyfriend/girlfriend? Dan Renzi. He was on the Real World: Miami. We went to Middle school and High School together. We dated during the 7th grade. Well, we were an item although the worst thing we did was hold hands. (we both know why now)
What is the meanest thing anyone has said about you? My Mother has said numerous things to me that I could count as the meanest. But when she said, "I hate you" over the phone one day was probably the worst. I don't understand how she can say that to her child just because that child is gay.
What is the longest crush/relationship you have had? I was married for 4+ years.
What is your greatest weakness? Buying on an impulse
Do you get along with your family? I don't get along with my family due to me being gay. But I don't consider them my family now. Laura's family is also my family. And YES, I get along very well with all of them.
What kind of music do you like? Anything except rap. Right now listening to Christmas music on the radio. (46 days left til Christmas)
Do you think you're attractive? Some days I do and some days I don't. Depends on if I am having a good hair day
Would you ever get a tattoo? Yes, would love to get a dragonfly on my hip
Who makes you laugh? Laura and the many little voices she does. And watching our cats entertain themselves.
Have you ever broken a bone? My middle finger when I was in middle school
What happens after you die? You go to heaven
Do you watch or read the news? Both...addicted to the news
If you could change your name, what would you change it to? I wouldn't want to change my name now. But when I was little, I hated my name. I can't think of any of the names I liked then.
If you could go back in time to one point in your life, where would you go? When my Grandmothers were alive. They were the sweetest people
If you could change anything about yourself, what would you change? My weight...(working on that now)
Have you ever gone skinny dipping? Yes, when we were little we had a cabin at a lake and we would go skinny dipping. Plus, we did it at summer camp.
Have you ever played strip poker? No, but I have played stip Monopoly.
What’s the biggest argument you've ever gotten into? I have had several big arguments. I got into one with my ex-husband and left the house for a couple hours. Had never done that before.
Have you ever bitten someone? No
When's your birthday? May 29
Do you remember your dreams? Yes, and they are very vivid. Laura wonders sometimes about me when I tell her my dreams. They are weird sometimes.
Have you ever been in love? Yes
Are you a morning person or a night person? I am a night person
Have you ever been to the hospital? Been to the ER several times, but never had to stay overnight in the hospital
On another side note. I just read that Andrea Yates (the one that killed her 5 children several years ago in Texas) is getting a new trial. Well, isn't that a waste of money. Didn't she admit to killing them? I don't care if they said you were mentally insane. You would think after killing one or two you would snap out of it and realize what you are doing. I think she should be put to death. Those poor little babies did not deserve to be tortured in that way. I hope that after she does die she burns in hell for what she has done.
(getting off soapbox now)
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
So..my dream job would be to drive all over the United States and try to make peoples dreams come true. It's amazing what one act of kindness can do for a person. It can change their entire life. I remember about 10 years ago Oprah did a show about random acts of kindness. That show has stuck with me ever since. I remember right after I saw that show I was on my way to work and there was a lady that had a flat tire. I noticed she had 2 small children and it looked as if she was pregnant again. I pulled over to see if there was anything I could do. She said she didn't have a spare tire and that she really didn't have the money to get a new one. I gave this woman a ride home and she called her husband and they had the car towed to a garage. I went to where the car was towed and paid for her new tire. I remember the people at the car place were like, "you want to do what?" This woman later called to thank me and I told her it was just a random act of kindness. She couldn't believe it. I think I spent $75 on the new tire. At that time, that was a lot to me, but for this woman and her family it was probably one weeks worth of groceries. I kept in touch with her for a while,but lost touch with her after she moved to Texas.
It was shortly after that that I decided to be a social worker. But sometimes I feel limited in what I can do for people. My first job after I got my bachelors I worked at Don Bosco which was a community center. I loved the work that I did there. It was so rewarding. I worked with the clients that were homeless. My second week a family walked in. A mother, father and two kids ages 1 and 2. They had moved here from NJ because they had heard about a job. When they got here there were no jobs. They were living in their car. This was the middle of June. I remember the temps being around 90. Within two weeks I had them in an apartment with furniture, the husband was working and the wife was taking GED classes. That is one of my most memorable clients. I kept in touch with them for a while,but they moved back to NJ and I have not spoken to them since.
But being able to drive around the country and grant wishes to people that need it so badly would be my dream job. When someone is down to one last wish or prayer and you are there to answer it, is one of the most amazing things.
Monday, November 07, 2005
I found these pictures on the web and found them very intersting. The one on the right talks about how JW's do not allow their children to have certain medical procedures. They will even allow them to die before giving them certain treatments. Thank God, nothing like that happened to me when I was young and unable to make a medical decision.
The picture on the right is about them not paying the taxes they should. When I was young we would sell the Watchtowers and Awakes. Well, that suddenly stopped because the government was going to make the organization pay taxes on what they sold. They suddenly went to a "donation" form. So, when you give someone a Watchtower or Awake you ask for a donation. The other intersting thing about the sign is showing how they do nothing for society. They do not help the poor or anything. Unless you are a JW, they don't care about you. If you are struggling to feed your kids, "Jehovah is just testing you". Bullshit.
I don't know if anyone has been watching this show, but it was bizarre. "Peter" from the Brady bunch is all grown up and dating a 22 year old. First of all, he is the same age as her Father. That's just weird to me. Second, they are both disgusting people. Watching the show was an experience. Like a co-worker told me today, it's like watching a train wreck. You know you should look away, but you can't. The whole show was based on her wanting a commitement out of him and he not wanting to get married for a third time. Last night was funny because he was reading a list of what he liked about her. It was sweet, but it was funny watching up look up from his reading glasses to look at her. Here are some examples of the gross things they did on the show:
1) They were swimming in the ocean and she went under the water in front of him and he peed in her face.
2) They both fart when they seem to have nothing else to say. And the farts are loud enough you can hear them
3) She burps louder then any person I have ever known. It's ok to burp after a meal, or drinking a coke, etc. But she burps all the freaking time
4) He told her Mother that he would marry her when her sexual intelligence caught up to her mental intelligence.
That was just a highlight. I estimate I wasted 5 hours of my life watching this show. Yes, it was entertaining, but brought nothing to my life.
My brother has 4 wonderful little boys. I am closest with the oldest, who is now 11 1/2. (wow, writing that down makes me feel old now) His oldest has a different Mother then the other 3. Thank God, because his current wife is nuts!! I have never liked her and she knows that. My Mother has admitted that as well, but would never say that now. When my brothers current wife gave birth to their second son, she did not allow me or my Mother in the delivery room. No big deal. Well, several months later when I told my brother and her that I was gay she came to me and said, "I have something to tell you. The reason that I didn't want you in the delivery room when Austin was born was because I was afraid you were wanting to look at my croch." WTF!!!!!!!!!! That is so messed up. Why in the hell would I would to look at you. It's been downhill since then. But that's ok because I don't think I would want to have any sort of relationship with someone that would think that.
I am just laughing my ass off that they are back in town. Last winter when they had just moved down to the lake my brother gave me their address because he wanted me and Laura to come down for a visit. Well, we never went. This past July we went down to the lake for a three day weekend and we were staying about 10 minutes from their house. We drove by and found their house. It was a really nice house right on the water. I knew there was no way in hell they could afford someplace like that. I knew my parents had to be paying for their rent since they kept popping out babies. I was right.
My brother has never amounted to anything. He does not realize he does not get a reward for procreating. Don't get me wrong, I adore my nephews. But when you are unable to support yourself, why would you continue to bring children the world. And as a taxpayer for the state of Missouri, I don't like having to support them.
Don't mind me while I continue to chuckle about this.....
Friday, November 04, 2005
CD that is in my car right now: Soundtrack to "Love Actually"
5 things I can't live without
1) Air conditioning
2) CD player
3) My contacts
5) Laura (I guess she should have been #1)
5 Things I could do without
1) The smell in the office
2) Organizied religion
3) Rush-hour traffic
4) Having to get up early in the morning
5) My extra pounds
Coke or Pepsi: Coke...Pepsi taste like sugar to me
Favorite Boys Name: Jackson
Favorite Girls Name: Kennedy or Harper
Favorite Season: Fall
Least Favorite Season: Summer
Lucky Number: 11
Favorite Color: Navy Blue
Favorite Holiday: Thanksgiving
Current Song on Radio: JoDee Messeni (sp?) "I want a man that stands beside me"
Most often curse word used: Dammit
Favorite Time of Day: 7pm
What I would do with $100 extra dollars: Start my Christmas shopping a little early
What you wanted to be when you grew up and what you do now: Wanted to be a teacher. I am now a Social Worker. (got close though...my partner is a teacher)
The job I have is one of the best that I have ever had. I have a boss that does not mico manage. He lets us do our work and as long as we do our work, he leaves us alone. And the holidays I get off are great. You would think I work for the state. I am so excited because we have Veterans Day off. (which by the way is next Friday..YEA 3 day weekend) I never knew when Veterans Day was until I started working here. For once I get to stay home while Laura is at work. (she is not too happy about this)
Thursday, November 03, 2005
On Tuesday when I was at the gym I recongized a few JW's (Jehovah's Witness) that I know there. Of course they don't say anything to me. Well, as I was standing near the exit waiting for Laura to finish another JW came around the corner and saw me and smiled and said, "HI". She then realized WHO I was and stopped smiling and turned around. I wanted to say, "FUCK YOU" ,but then realized that would not be very Christian of me. I hate living in a town where I can barely go anywhere without seeing a JW. And they are always so fucking rude. These are people that I grew up with and have known me my entire life, or most of it. I guess I really cant' say anything when my own family won't even talk to me. My Mother has succeded in turning all family against me, even the non-JW's. An example: I am sure she went to my oldest nephews Mom and told her that I was putting pictures of my nephews on a sexually perverted website. (this website) Which, we all know is not true. Now, my nephews Mom won't even return my phone calls.
It's at times like this that my anger could get the best of me. It's times like this I need to take a deep breathe and calm down. My life is better without them anyway.
Ok, did anyone see Trading Spouses last night? It was one of the weirdest shows I have ever seen. This woman in this picture is NUTS!!!!! She was upset because they were into astrology and had gargoyles in the house. To her, if someone doesn't have Jesus in their heart, they are nothing. It was a two part one, so the second half will be on next Wednesday. It appears as if the woman has a complete breakdown and goes insane. On the preview she was screaming and tearing up something saying, "This woman is not Christian." It looks like it's going to be wild. Got me thinking why I wouldn't do a trading spouses type of show. Here are my reasons:
1) I wouldn't want cameras following my every single move
2) I am perfectly happy with my spouse, I wouldn't trade her for anything
3) I could end up trading places with some psycho like this woman and Laura would hate me for months and months
4) If I had children, I wouldn't want anyone raising them, even if it was just for two weeks
5) I wouldn't want to have to go to some strangers house and have to clean it, let alone, live in their house.
It's safe to say you won't see me on a reality show anytime soon, even though I love watching them and watching people make complete fools of themselves.
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
When I was a teenager my parents view on food changed because mine had as well. I was always told that I should be drinking diet soda, not to eat this and that. I remember my Father making "oink" noises at me at the dinner table. I don't remember exactly why, but I remember him making those noises at me. When I was a teenager I did not overeat. I ate how every teenager eats. They eat junk. And I was not fat. I was not even overweight. When I was 17 my Mother took me to a weight loss clinic where I was put on a liquid diet. It was pure hell. Imagine being in high school and while all your friends are eating normal food, I am eating chicken broth. I hated it. That diet pretty much caused me to starve myself for 45 days. After that I hated food and yet at the same time loved it.
Fast forward to when I got married. Now, for the past 7 years I was told what I should and shouldn't be eating. So, when I got married I ate everything in sight. I think in the first six months of the marriage I gained 40lbs.
I never realized that I was doing damage to my health from my eating habits and lack of exercise. I always felt I was one of the heathly overweight individuals. I couldn't be more wrong. Last January I went to the Dr. for a regualr Dr's visit and they realized I had diabeties. This is when I realized it was serious and I needed to make some changes. The Dr. suspects that it is hereditiy, but since I am adopted, I do not know my medical history.
Being told I have diabeties didn't hit me until October 22 of this year. Laura and I were on our little vacation and I realized I was not feeling good physically. Actually it kind of scared me. That is when I decided to make some changes in my life....for good. It was then that I decided that I needed to treat my body better. I can't tell you how good it feels going to the gym. We went last night and I did my usual 30 minutes on the elicipal trainer and went 2.3 miles and burned 320 calories. It does wonders for my mental health as well. I have learned to appreciate food and not abuse it as I had in the past. These days, my new best friend is water. I am drinking about 70 ounces of water a day and it has made all the difference in my engery level, my skin and so many other things. I look forward to eating fruits and veggies. And the weird thing is, I wake up in the morning and I can't wait to go to the gym.
Life is sweet.
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
Laura always teases me that growing up I never had to work a hard day in my life. I beg to differ, but I was lucky that I have never been a waitress. Today a co-worker and I went to Chilis for lunch and right when we sat down a waitress dropped a whole tray full of food on herself and the floor. I heard her tell the people that this is her first week. God bless her. Being a waitress is hard work and you don't always get paid well for it.
I forgot to mention that Laura and I have seriously started our "new lifestyle". We are going to the gym 4x a week and eating very heathly. It was very hard yesterday with Halloween and all, but I did very well considering I had a ton of candy at the house. We have both lost about 5-6 pounds in the past week. We are very proud of ourselves. Our goal is to look great in April for our trip. We both workout on the eliciptcal trainer. It's a hard workout, but when you burn 300+ calories and go 2+ miles in just 30 minutes it's well worth it. And I can say, I already feel better.
Halloween was great. It was kind of slow and I was getting nervous when we were having that many come to our house. It picked up around 7:30 and we had just a little bit of candy left. (I sent it with Laura to school today for those kids that are really good in class) It's better to get it out of the house. The little kids were just adoreable. I question some of the kids that are 16 or older still out there. They were a little old, but oh well. Maybe one day I will be able to take my own child trick or treating.