Saturday, December 31, 2005
Friday, December 30, 2005
January-- The year started out with me trying to quit smoking. I lasted all of 12 hours on Jan. 1. Finally Laura said, "go buy some cigarettes cause you are driving me nuts". I also saw my brother, sister-in-law and 1 year old nephew for the last time. My little nephew was in the hospital for something and they "allowed" me to come visit. It was crazy though because I had to come visit when we were sure my parents wouldn't be showing up. During the month I also found out I had diabetes. Kind of scared both of us, but we are dealing with it well now.
February--Not too much happended during this month. I remember Laura was working an after school tutoring program and I hardly saw her.
March--Again, not too much going on. It was my first experience with March madness. Laura is totally into March madness and I just didn't realize how much. I will be more prepared this year.
April--Nothing too eventful this month. We were counting down the days until summer because we would have more time to spend together.
May--This was my b-day month. Well, my b-day is at the very end of May, but I got to celebrate it the entire month. We refinanced the house so we could do some we could do some much needed home improvements. I had a wonderful b-day. We went to dinner at this restaurant on this lake. Our table was right on the water. Laura and I also celebrated one year together. Our first date was the day before my b-day, so Memorial Day weekend 2005 was spent with a lot of celebrations. It was wonderful.
June--Laura got out of school the first week in June. 3 days later we were driving home from dinner and were hit by a semi-truck. Our car was totaled and I was taken to the hospital via ambulance. It was horrible. We were both ok, just really shock up. It was a mess dealing with the truck driver. Thank God we have wonderful insurance. They took care of everything and are currently going after the truck driver since it was HIS fault. They paid us well for our car. 4 days after our wreck StateFarm had given us a check for our old car. It was more then enough for a down payment for my new Honda and a trip to Florida in October. We drove to St.Louis at the end of June to Pride weekend. It was fun, but very hot. Plus I was a nervous wreck driving on the highway two weeks after the wreck.
July--We spent the 4th of July with her family at her sisters new house. Her sister lives in the country, so you can set off as many fireworks as you want. It was awesome. I got a job promotion and we went to the Lake of the Ozarks for a long weekend. We ended up staying about 10 minutes from where my brother and his family were living. They had given me their address way back in January when they still liked me. We drove by their house. After seeing the house they were living in realized my parents had to be helping them. It was a huge house right on the water.
August--This was Laura's b-day month. We had an baby shower for Landon who was due at the end of the month. We celebrated Laura's younger sisters b-day. Had a wonderful b-day for Laura. Went to Kenny Chesney. Laura started back to school. Landon was born!!! Started my blog.
September--It was an unsually hot month in KC. I was counting the days to cooler weather. We were also counting days to our Florida vacation. Our neighbors moved.
October--Started out good. We were so excited for Florida. In one week this is what happended...failed my KS social work test, our neighbor died, our Florida trip was postponed due to the hurricane. It was not a good week. Started another countdown to our trip to Florida in April! YEA
November--Getting ready for Thanksgiving. Had a wonderful Thanksgiving with Laura's family. (well, our family, not just Laura's.) Put up our decorations. Bought a new computer and got high speed internet.
December--Had our first major snow fall. We officially got 12 inches at our house. Celebrated x-mas eve and x-mas with our family. It was wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.
2005 was a year filled with many challenges, but also many good times. I have become more comfortable with the idea of never seeing my family again. I now have a new family. There are a lot of things Laura and I are looking forward to in 2006. Her younger sister is getting married, we are going to Florida for an entire week with some surprises for the family involved with that trip.
Goodbye 2005....Hello 2006
A is for age: 32
B is for booze of choice: Corona, no lime
C is for career: Social Worker/Substance Abuse Counselor
D is for your dad's name: John
E is for essential items to bring to a party: Good CD's
F is for favorite song at the moment: Fireflies by Faith Hill
G is for favorite game: Toss up between Dominoes and Skip-bo
H is for hometown: Kansas City
I is for instruments you play: None
J is for jam or jelly you like: Strawberry
K is for kids: None yet. Hopefully at least one in the future. Although, does 5 cats and 1 dog count?
L is for living arrangements: 3 bedroom House
M is for mom's name: Fran
N is for name of your crush: First and foremost Laura, then Faith Hill
O is for overnight hospital stays: none that I want to talk about
P is for phobias: spiders
Q is for quotes you like: Be the change you wish to see in the world
R is for relationship that lasted the longest: Ex-husband 5 years
S is for sexual preference: queer as a $3 dollar bill
T is for time you wake up: 7:30am workdays, 7-7:30 weekends.
U is for underwear: comfy ones during the day, none once I get home
V is for vegetable you love: esparagus
W is for weekend plans: New Years Eve party w/ family, take down x-mas decorations. :(
X is for x-rays you've had: back, hand, finger, spine
Y is for yummy food you make: corn casserole
Z is for zodiac sign: Gemini
Thursday, December 29, 2005
I love this picture so much. I first saw it on someone's profile, and then saw it in this show we have been watching, "TranGender". By the way, if you haven't watched this show, it's awesome. We don't have LOGO, but Sundance is showing the series. Very intersting. Excuse me while I go kiss my girl...
At this point I look over at Laura and she is pissed. Well, I realized a few seconds later that she was pissed at both of us. WHAT???? So, when we get in the car she tells me that both me and the cashier were acting like bitches and that the world didn't owe me anything. That set me off.
No, I don't think the world owes me anything, but I do think some customer service is nice every once in a while. Our society has completly gotten rid of customer service. People treat people however they want. I worked many many years in retail. I know that the customer is always right. I would never thought in a million years to treat customers the way we are being treated now. I always feel that if you don't like you job, then fucking quit. No one is forcing you to work. And if you are working because you have a family to feed. Well, maybe you should have thought about that before getting knocked up, etc. I just ask for some deceney when it comes to being nice to the customer. Because it's very simple. There are lots of places to shop. If you are rude to me, it's simple. I will go someplace else.
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
I have one more day of my mini-vacation. YEA. I go back for two days and then have another 3 day weekend. I am pretty fortunate because I love my job and it's one of the most flexiable jobs I have ever had.
Today after the gym we went to Wal-Mart for a few items. (What a shocker, we made it out of there for under $20.) While I was there I ran into someone that it part of the same coaltion as my agency. We were talking and she told me how someone that used to work at my place of employment had called her. Now let me explain about EH, who used to work where I work. When I first started I thought EH was very nice. Well, that lasted about 30 minutes. My first day was actually a conference. I met up with EH there. Keep in mind, techincally I hadn't even started yet. We were talking about what we were going to do for Thanksgiving (I started right before Thanskgiving last year) and I said "partner". EH immediatly said, "is your partner male or female?" As many of you know, you kind of have to test the waters at your place of employment before coming out and saying you are gay. I couldn't believe she was asking me the first day of my employment. Turns out, it really wasn't that big of a deal to her, but still. At least wait a few days before asking.
Two weeks after I started Laura came to visit me. EH came in the office to bum a cig. She was always doing that because she never had money. Laura was sitting there, as was another person that worked where I do. Laura in a joking way said, "you can have the whole pack EH because Caroline is going to be quiting." EH looked at me and said, "man you really are pussy wipped aren't you?" Laura, this other person and I were shocked, We didn't know what to say. Laura was so pissed that she never talked to EH again when she would stop by my office. The rude, sexual commens continued until the day she was gone. I eventually told my boss what kind of comments she was saying and they had a person come in to talk about sexual harressment. EH called in sick that day. I never understood how the one person this training was for could miss it and there be no consequences.
Needless to say, EH didn't last at our agency. She ended up getting fired several months later. Thank God. I was done putting up with her shit. My boss offered me her position, which I gladly took.
So, this person that I ran into at Wal-Mart had told EH about me getting her job and apparently EH was furious. WTF???? It's amazing how one person can mess up the entire moral of an entire agency. Once EH was gone, it was like everyone's attitude changed. It was fun again to go to work. I am hoping that when I get back to the office there is either an email or a phone message from EH. I would love to talk with her. I have a few things to say to her now that she is gone. I don't think she is brave enough to call me.
So, those were our adventures today. More tomorrow on the other adventures at Wal-Mart today.
Monday, December 26, 2005
Friday--I was so excited because at 3:00 we were told the office was closing. YEA!! So, I headed home. When I got home I was completly surprised. Laura had spent the entire day cleaning the house and cooking. We usually clean together, but over the past week or so we hadn't done much cleaning becuase I was sick and there was so much going on. When I got home we headed out to Wal-Mart becuase there were a few last minute things we had to get. Somehow those few last minute things turned into $70. I swear, we can never get out of Wal-Mart without spending at least $50. When we got home we had dinner. Laura had spent the whole day cooking a pot roast. It was so good!!!! After dinner we just hung around and enjoyed looking at the x-mas tree lights and all our decorations ups.
Saturday--We got up and went down to her sisters house. Her sister lives about 45 minutes south of us and is considered to live in the "country". I love her sisters house. They just recently moved in (May) and it's a beautiful house. We hung around and played dominoes and Sorry. I posted some pictures Saturday night of all the fun we were having. I think we ate all day long. When we got home Saturday night we were both stuffed. We watched "The Polar Express" when we got home. That movie was so good. And the animation is amazing. Laura was fast asleep by 10pm. I on the other hand had more trouble getting to sleep. I was so excited for x-mas morning. To tell you honestly, I was excited about the gifts I had gotten her. By midnight I was fast asleep as well.
Sunday--We were up by 6:30am. We had put the dogs bed down in front of the tree for Sophie. Well, she ran down and couldn't figure out what it was for. Her lack of excitement was a disappointment. But she did sleep on it last night, so that was good. I got wonderful gifts from Laura. I got this cool waterfall-candle thing. It looks like three candles, but has water flowing down between the candles. I wanted it for my office. I got 2 CD's. Faith Hill (of course) and Kelly Clarkson. I got a really cool candle, a set of computer games, Oprah's Greatest Moments and the best thing.....A Cabbage Patch Doll. Let me explain. On Thanksgiving Laura's younger sister (Beth is 29) brought down a Cabbage Patch Doll she had recently gotten at her bridal shower. I was so jealous. And Beth was totally into having this doll. Talking to it, etc. Laura picked up on the fact that I really wanted one. So, Christmas morning I got Samuel Corey. He is so cute. And I don't have to change his name. He came with that name. I remember when I had one when I was younger, they always came with crazy names.
Sunday around noon we headed down to Laura's parents. By the time everyone got there, there were 20 people there. It was wonderful. And the food...oh my God, it was wonderful. We picked names and Laura's Dad had my name. He got me a beautiful angel candle and ELO's greatest hits. We also buy little things for everyone's stockings, so it's always fun to see the little things people put in your stockings.
Beth (Laura's sister) walked in and I said, "Beth look on the chair in the living room". Next thing I know she is screaming. She was so excited about Samuel. Well, she had also brought down Lucy (her Cabbage Patch Doll). You would think they were real babies the way we were carrying on. Laura and I had even bought Lucy a few gifts.
We got home around 7pm and were exhausted. We were both in bed by 10pm. It was a wonderful weekend filled with lots of love, family and great food.
Saturday, December 24, 2005
1) First and foremost I am thankful to have a partner like Laura. All my life I have dreamed and wished for someone like her. For me, it's the small things that make a relationship wonderful. The 2 minute call Laura makes in the middle of her busy and hectic day at school to make sure that I got up and got to work ok. I never imagined I could be loved like she loves me. She accepts me completly and totally and adores all my quirkly little habits.
2) Laura's Family. This past year and a half I have learned the true meaning of family. I learned that just because you don't agree with someone doesn't mean you love them any less. And you certainly don't "expel" them from your family. Laura's family has always been there for each other. It's doesn't matter if you are straight, gay, fat, thin. It simply doesn't matter. Family is Family. And this Christmas I am truly blessed to be part of such a loving and accepting family.
3) My health. The past 10 years I have not taken care of my body the way I should have. I am thankful that mybody did not completly shut down on me and that it's giving me another chance to make things right.
4) My BirthMother. I was put up for adoption when I was first born. My parents adopted me when I was just 3 days old. This Christmas I am thankful to my birthmother for giving me life. She had many choices when I was born and I am glad she chose life.
5) My Mom & Dad. Many may wonder why I put them on the things I am thankful for. But I am thankful for them. They did raise me and give many lots of opportunties in life. I do believe that children learn from their parents. I have been told by many that I am kind and sweet. Genetics do play a part in who you become, but I also believe that my parents instilled that kindess and sweetness to some degree. Tonight, I am thankful to them for that.
6) My blogger friends. When I started this blog I had no idea that I would find such great people all over the world. You have enriched my life by your writings and gave me the courage to speak what was on my mind. Thank you to all of you for listening to my many stories and for giving me a safe place to write all my hurts and pains.
May each person that reads this have a truly blessed Christmas.
Landon (almost 4 months and Laura)
Laura and Landon after opening some gifts
Bryan Lee (8 years old) waiting anxiously for Santa
Our cat Brady. We learned today he likes cheese and summer sausage
Us playing dominoes. Notice the look on Laura's face. She didn't play so good tonight. :)
Laura in front of the stockings at her parents house. There are a total of 16 stockings up. It's fun when everyone comes in on Christmas day and fills the stockings.
Friday, December 23, 2005
BLUE SPRINGS, Mo. -- A Missouri woman was hospitalized when a cell phonegot stuck in her throat, police said.Officers called to the scene at about 5 a.m. Friday found the24-year-old woman having trouble breathing.Investigators said that the woman was arguing with her boyfriend andwhen he asked for the phone, she reportedly tried to swallow it.A family member said that the woman is expected to recover.
Thursday, December 22, 2005
So, I head on to the Family Dollar store. They, or course, have more then enough liter. As I am in the aisle I notice some little doggie gifts that could go in Sophie's stocking. I pick up a few items and head to the register. Again, there are like 4 people ahead of me. Fuck, fuck, fuck. At this point I look at the time and I am suppose to be back at work already. (I only signed out for 30 minutes today, instead of my usual one hour) I notice the people in front of me have quite a bit in their cart. I hear their total.."$99.64". I think to myself, how could someone spend $99 at the dollar store. Oh well...
That was my experience today with the Dollar Stores. Again, I promise myself that I will not go to this particular Dollar General again. The one right by our house is wonderful. The employees are always so helpful and they always have what we need...in stock.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Here's Laura looker even cuter. Notice she is blogging. I made her when we got home from dinner. I told her everyone was wondering where she was.
This is our big baby Astro. He does not realize how big he is. Reminds us of Lenny from "Of Mice and Men"
Here's Laura. She is holding up two fingers. Not for peace, but to say "Just two more days before x-mas break."
We were given another reason last night that our neighborhood is getting worse each and every day. This is a picture of some stupid fuck that decide it would be easier to get away from the police by jumping out his hotel window. Apparently he called 911 and said that there were people after him and he had a loaded gun. Of course the police surrounded the hotel, which is about 2 minutes from our house. Well, what this stupid fuck did not think about was that his room was facing a major highway. So, at rush hour yesterday this highway was literally shut down. Thank goodness I did not go in yesterday because I travel that highway and I would have been stuck in traffic for hours. Being sick and stuck in traffic is not a good thing. They showed the video on the news last night and he even kicked out the window below him. His uncle got on the news and said, "My nephew is not mentally stable and has been using PCP." Really? I would have never guessed. I wonder about some people sometimes.
This is one of the many signs we have that our neighborhood is getting bad. It used to be a very nice neighborhood, but not now. In the last week here are some of the things that have gone on in and around our neighborhood:
1) A guy went up to the McDonalds right down the street and ordered an extra Value meal. Then returned with a gun and robbed them at gunpoint. At least he got his Big Mac.
2) A storage unit right down the street was robbed. (one of our neighbors happen to be there buying boxes at the time) How much money do you think you are going to get from a stoarge unit place?
3) A group of men went through the Osco down the street and kind of took over the store and robbed them at gunpoint.
Laura and I have talked about moving and I think it's something we need to seriously talk about again. Either that, or hook up our security system again. Maybe I would feel more protected if we had a two car garage, but we don't. Maybe I would feel more secure if we had a dog that would attack if someone came in the house. But we don't. At best, Sophie would lick the person to death. Although, after she's been in the liter box her breath is pretty deadly. The other night I had to run out at 8:30 to pick up a new bulb for our fish tank. Well, I had bought a new one that day and it was 40watts. I needed a 15 watts. The temp of the tank went up 15 degrees in 10 minutes. So, last Thursday I ran out to get a new bulb. It was so cold and they can't go without the light. Laura was throwing a fit because I went out late at night. I had to call her when I got in the store, when I got back in my car and when I arrived on our street. I guess she is right to be concerened.
Monday, December 19, 2005
So, today before Laura got home I went online to balance our checkbook. I do this everyday because I hate little (or sometimes big) surprises. Usually our checkbook is within 10 cents. Well, I noticed that there was one check for a large amount of money. Last week she had given me two check numbers that she had written and the amounts. And this amount did not add up to those two checks. I was concerened. So, I called her and she was not happy. Apparently I was not suppose to balance the checkbook until after Christmas so I would not realize she had written just one check, not two. I don't remember telling her that I would not, but I guess I was not suppose to.
So, after she got home I could tell she was upset. I just kind of kept out of her way. She then called me into the kitchen. She was looking at me kind of strange and I couldn't figure out what was going on. I happen to turn around and on the counter sat a new digitial camera. She said, "this was the surprise." First of all, I never would have figured out it was a camera because she had told me that she couldn't find one within our price range and that I was going to have to wait and we would just get one before Florida. I was so happy. You don't know how long I have wanted one. My Laura is so wonderful. We are going to save a fortune on film and devoloping because I always had to get the disc to upload the pictures.
I was feeling guilty because I had opened one of my gifts and I felt she should open one of hers. She knew which one she wanted because she knew I was getting her new stainless steel pots and pans. So, she went for a box thinking that was it. I said, "No, that's not it..it's the bigger one over here." She was not suprised because she knew she was getting them. But still, she is very happy. And when Laura is happy, everyone is happy. Let's just hope we don't open rest of the gifts before Christmas morning.
And that my friends, is why Christmas came early at our house.
Saturday, December 17, 2005
4 Jobs that I have had
1)My first job was at a Captain D's. I hated it, but my parents had bought me a $750 car and I had to repay them. I have never, and never will work fast food again.
2) Lifeguard. For 3 wonderful summers I was a lifeguard at a neighborhood pool. Sitting at the pool getting tan and getting paid. I was in heaven.
3) Assistant Manager at B. Daltons. It started out as just a summer job, but before I knew it I was working full-time and then eventually became Assistant Manager. I loved working around all the books, but hated retail. I left to finish my schooling.
4)Social Worker. Currently working as a social worker. Can't imagine doing anything else. I might have to unless Bush changes things and stops cutting out all the social service funds.
4 Movies You could watch over and over
1) 50 First Dates. Not only is the movie funny, but it has great scenery, but the soundtrack is kick ass as well.
2) The Perfect Storm. Just one of those great stories.
3) The Prince of Tides. I think I saw it 10 times in the theatre. This movie pretty much consumed my senior year in high school
4) If these Walls Could Talk 2. Makes me proud to be a lesbian living in 2005
4 Places I have lived
1) Leawood, KS
2) Kansas City, MO
3) Leawood, KS
4) Kansas City, MO
(sorry I know it's not too exciting. Haven't moved around that much)
4 TV show you love to watch
1) Extreme Makeover: Home Edition
4) The Apprentice
4 Places You have been on vacation
1) Hawaii (5 different times)
2) Cayman (3 different times)
4 Websites You visit Daily
1) www.thekansascitychannel.com (local news)
2) www.packof2.blogspot.com (Packof2)
3) www.invisibleisland.blogspot.com (Francesca)
4) www.rosie.com (Rose O'Donnell)
4 Favorite Foods
1) Mexican (could eat it at every meal)
3) Anything Laura cooks (she's a wonderful cook)
4) Anything Laura's Mom cooks (Laura had a wonderful teacher)
4 Places I would Rather be right now
1) On the beach
2) New York City (I can only imagine Christmas in New York City)
3) Anywhere with Laura
4) Florida Keys
Friday, December 16, 2005
Today I got a call from my "best" friend from High School. It's been months since we talked, but I love how when we do talk it seems we pick up right where we ended. My friend, AH and her husband had their first baby six months ago. Thinking about one of us actually having a child is really hard to do. While we were talking today she was talking about a couple of her cousins that were born while we were in high school. I asked how old they were and was shocked to find out they are now in high school. Damn..has that much time passed since I was in high school myself. I am really feeling old lately. But talking with AH made me think about some of the things that went on while I was in high school. The picture to the left is an actual picture of my high school. My high school years were ok. I remember my freshman year I was so nervous. It was a whole new experience. The first morning of school I woke up, got in the shower, got dressed. I couldn't figure out why I was so tired. After getting ready I looked at the clock and realized it was only 12:45am. I thought I had oveslept so that is why I jumped out of bed and didn't even look at the clock. That is how I started out my high school years. It was during my freshman year that I met AH. We were in teh same biology class. I didn't really notice her until she was gone for a couple days and when she returned I asked where she had been. She had been to her aunts wedding. (the mother of the cousins that are now in high school) After that we just started hanging out and talking.
My sophmore year was a little more challenging. I was so depressed during the entire year. Right before x-mas that year we went to Hawaii and I missed two weeks of school. Then in Feb. we went to London and I missed another two weeks. Laura and I were talking about this last night and she asked, "how did you get away with missing that much school?". I really don't know. I always took my homework with me and had it was done by the time we returned. By the spring of that year I was so depressed. I hated my life, my parents and myself. Ended up in a psych hospital for depression for two weeks. (yes, I missed 6 weeks total of school that year, but still passed) Right after my sophmore year ended I went to Mexico with a group from school. I met a lot of new people and things got much better.
My junior year was probably my favorite. I felt at the top of the world. I had lots of friends and things were going really well. I had a nice car, a boyfriend (or two), an ok job and friends. What else do you need when you are 17? It was at the end of this year when AH told me her Dad was transfered out of town. I was crushed. She ended up moving that summer. I was sad, but I had other friends, so I was not completly alone.
My senior year was ok. I don't remember anything too exciting that happended that year. Couldn't wait to get out of school though.
It's weird being able to fit 4 years into four small paragraphs. All of the things that happened during those fours years seem so small compared to the big picture.
On a sidenote. My friend AH did move out of state. Well, 4 years later (we had kept in touch during those four years; infact she was the first person to tell me about email and the internet), she called me and said her Dad was being transfered back to KC. She said she was going to finish out college where she was and then come to KC to work. She got a job at a major greeting card company based out of KC. (everyone knows what company this is and we all cry at their commericals) So, it was odd how everything came full circle after college. Now she is back in KC raising with her husband and daughter.
So, this morning the dog woke me up at 4:30am to go outside. Whatever I have has moved into my chest. Usually when I get a cold it will start out as a head cold and then because I smoke will gradually go into my chest. Not this time. It has gone straight for the chest. Everytim I smoke it burns and when I cough I can feel the tightness in my chest. I would have called in this morning, but since I called in one day last week I didn't think it was such a good idea. And it is Friday, so I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I then realized the "common cold" had tagged me and I was it. Damn.
I am off to get some hot cocca. I am hoping that will help my throat and congestion.
Thursday, December 15, 2005
I sit here one week before Christmas wondering a few things about you and the life you have chosen to live. I wonder why you and your wife continue to have baby after baby when you are not able to support the ones you have. (how many do you have now...4???) I wonder why you think your oldest son, who is from your first marriage, is the one that always get the short straw? From the day he was born, you were never a Father for him. You would disappear for months at a time, even years. He grew up afraid of you and your anger. How dare you hurt that little innoncent boy.
You have most of the people in our family miserable at one point or another. I remember when I was just 11 years old trying to comfort Mom because you had threatned to run away. Do you remember that when you threatned to run away that one time, Mom and I were getting ready to drive up to Minnesota to pick up Dad's Mom. And as we are leaving you are angry for some stupid reason and you say something that will upset her the most. From the very beginning you were an asshole. You always felt that the world and everyone in it owed you something.
Now you have 4 young kids. You use them as bait. So does your wife. I remember her not talking to her family and using the kids as bait. You guys would say, "so and so is never going to see the kids again." Most of the time you would say this was because you weren't getting your way. Kids, even when they are 1 or 2 pick up on things like that.
You say I will never see your kids. I am sorry you feel that way. But you might take a good look at the example you are setting for your kids. Here is just a few examples of things your kids are going to pick up on:
1)You recently spent time in jail because you stole from Mom/Dad.
2)You are using drugs
3)You talk like a sailor in front of the kids. Don't be surprised when one of them is in first grade and doesn't want to do what the teacher says and says, "fuck you" to the teacher. They learned that from you.
4) Doing drugs while you are pregnant is a very bad thing
But from what I understand you don't want your kids around me because I gay. Here are some things your kids would pick up from me if they were allowed to be around me:
1) You have to work in life to support yourself.
2) When it comes down to anything, Love is the most important thing
3) Just because someone is gay does mean they are a second class citizen
You are two years older then me, but maturity wise you are still a teenager. Uprooting your family whenever you get bored is not good for your kids. You should move someplace and stay. You should also look into how you are going to support your kids on your own. As a resident and tax payer for the state of Missouri, I am tired of supporting your lazy ass, as well as your wife's lazy ass. You take advantage of the system. Because of people like you, the system is not working for those that do deserve it.
Even from an earliest age, I didn't like you. I don't know if I have ever liked you. You treated me like shit. You would treat me as your punching bag with no concern for my feelings. You used to call me a slut out the front window when I was just 12 years old. I never was and never will lower to your level. You have manupliated every person you have met. In the end, that will not win. I still believe that good wins in the end. You were never good.
You are now 34 and have 4 children. I think it's past due for you to grow up.
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
* Anyone that has read Laura's blog knows that she "slipped" by telling me she got me Oprah's Greatest moments for x-mas. I have given her a very hard time about this. So, Monday night we are in bed talking and I am telling her about when I was talking to a co-worker about the new IPOD alarm clock. In the process of telling her my converstation with my co-worker I blurted out that she is getting a MP3 player. Damn...this Christmas thing is harder then I thought.
*We watched the Amazing Race finale last night. I had trouble getting excited about this season. It was teams of 4 family members. They spent most of the race in the United States. Plus, because some of the families had small children, the challenges were not as tough. A couple of the families that I liked didn't make it that far. The first family to be eliminated was a couple with their two young boys. (ages 9 and 12 maybe) They just couldn't keep up. This other family that had a couple and their son and daughter (9 and 11 maybe) were my favorite. You never heard them talk bad to each other and they were always encouraging each other. They made it til just a few weeks ago. It was so sad when they were elimiated because the little girl was so sad. The winners were a team of 4 siblings. I liked them at first, but quickly became annoying. Thank God next season they go back to teams of 2 again.
*I have gotten into this horrible habit of stopping and getting a bagel for breakfast. Well, I realized I have been going there too much this morning. I walked in and the lady behind the counter knew exactly what I wanted. Sad.
*Do you realize how hard it is to keep a heathly lifestyle and eating habits around the holidays. Yesterday at work we had a "going away" lunch for two people that are leaving. They ordered in pizza and there were like 4 desserts there. I couldn't pass up the cookie cake with icing. Oh, and a co-worker brought me some chocolate covered pretzels. They are really good, but so bad for my diet. Good news though..I heard on Good Morning America that it is literally impossible to gain 10-15 pounds over the holiday like everyone says. It's justa myth. Typically, it's more like just a few pounds.
That's about it that's been going on the last few days. See I told you it wasn't much. Maybe some glorious thought will come to my head today and I can write about that. Happy Wednesday everyone.
Monday, December 12, 2005
1) At my last job I worked in an outpatient drug/alcohol treatment center. Part of my crappy job title was to assist the client's with transportation. There were a couple that I would pick up on my way in and actually enjoyed their company. Others, I dreaded picking them up. There was this one client that was court ordered to come to treatment. Which meant, he was still in denial of his problem. He didn't show up for group one day and my supervisor sent me out to pick him up. His wife (who was a drug user as well) let me in and then went back to the bedroom where she was sleeping. This client was in the kitchen overdosing. I couldn't believe the wife didn't notice or didn't care. The client came to enough to say he didn't want to go the hospital via an ambulance. So, my supervisor suggested I take him in the company van. I could not get this client's wife to hurry up and go. She wanted to put on her make-up, brush her hair. I felt like saying, "you stupid bitch, your husband is about to die...let's go". It was a 20 minute drive to the hospital. It was the scariest drive of my life. I was afraid he was either going to die in the van or throw up. Both would have been very tramatic for me.
2) A few weeks after I started my current job I had a homeless client come in for an assessment. (he was court ordered) We completed the 1 1/2 hour assessment and when I came back to my office after we were done I noticed he had peed in the chair. It was so gross. My place of employment did not have any gloves for me to use to clean the chair. Well, I did the best I could, but still managed to come down with a nasty virus one week later. Infact, this was the sickest I had been as an adult. 1 trip to Urgent Care, 1 trip to the ER, and one visit to the doctor and a 103.4 fever. I was sick. When I got back to work after missing one week of work, they had scrubed down my office and thrown that nasty chair away.
3) I once had a client come in for an assessment. (can't remember who sent her her) She had her 3 year old son with her. He was pretty good during the assessment,but still a little wild. At the end of the assessment I watched a very interesting conversation between Mother and child. Here it is..word for word..
"Mommy..what happens if you do drugs?"
"Well, that's not good"
"What happens if you don't do drugs?"
"Well, if you don't do drugs then that is very good"
After a few second pause...
"Mommy, you are no good."
I about died when this child who was only 3 was able to pick up that his Mother was doing drugs . I did feel bad for the Mother because that's not something you want to hear your child say in front of another person, let alone the person doing your drug/alcohol assessment.
4) Just recently I had a person call on the phone who was afraid to fly. I don't know why they would call my agency when it is clear in our agency name that we deal mainly with drugs/alcohol. Not really knowing what to tell this person to do since they were leaving on their trip 3 days later and I was not sure who they should call..I said something like, "Ma'am, I am not sure who you could call at this last minute." The person on the other end, who I thought was female said, "how do you know that the person who calls in is male or female". Really not knowing what to say to that I said, "well, the recepitionist said there was a female on the phone that needed to talk. Are you not female?" And this was his/her (still not sure) response.."well, if she said I was female, then I will take her word for it."
It's amazing some of the things I hear on the phone and in person. I do not drink that often (maybe once a year), but there are days when I leave here wanting to do nothing, but drink.
On a sidenote..at lunch today I went to Walgreens to get something and I noticed a person with the Salvation Army ringing a bell. I saw the thing to put the money in, but did not see the person. I looked around and saw him sitting all hunched over about 40 feeet away from the his stand. I thought that was odd, but continued into Walgreens. On my way out I noticed he was not moving and he had dropped the bell. I went up to him and asked him if he was alright. No response. I said it a little louder and he woke up and yelled and pointed, "over there". I guess he thought I was wanting to donate some money. I asked him if he was ok and that it looked like he was intoxicated. He said, no he was fine. Needless to say, I got on my cellphone and called Salvaation Army and they said they were going to send someone out to remove him from his post. I guess he just started celebrating the holidays a little early.
Sunday, December 11, 2005
1) I was named Jennifer Jane at birth and when I was 6 weeks old my parents changed my name to Caroline Ann. They had gone up to Minnesota to visit my Dad's parents and ran across some old family papers and there was a person from the 1800's named Caroline Ann and they decided they liked that name better. I have pictures of me when I was younger that say "Jennifer". And my baby book has Jennifer Jane in the front and it's crossed out and Caroline Ann is written in.
2) I remember dates like you wouldn't believe. I remember b-days, anniversarys and just stupid dates that normal people would not remember. For example, when I was 12 years old a family was living behind us and I still remember that their youngest daughter was born on May 1, 1986. That child is now19 years old. I can't explain how I remember dates. It just happens. So, please don't tell me any dates or b-days unless you want me to remember them forever.
3) I took up smoking to impress the first woman I had a crush on. I didn't smoke and we would hang out at bars and she smoked. So, I did it to be "cool" and hoping she would like me in return. Sad thing is, I am now addcited and can't stop smoking for the woman I have fallen in love with.
4) I dated Dan Renzi from the Real World-Miami in junior high school. We dated for an entire year. It was between the end of 6th grade until the summer of our 7th grade. By the way, our anniversary was May 20. (see, I told you I remember dates) After we "broke up" we went our seperate ways. We were into different things, etc. When I first saw him on the Real World I about freaked. He even came to town to do a presentation at my college (at my request) on how it is being gay. (this was before I realized I too was gay) Since I have come to terms with sexuality I have emailed him a couple times. We get a kick out of the fact that we are both gay.
5) I used to make up families in my mind. I would pretend that I had a whole different family. I even told kids at camp these elabarote stories of my 4 brothers and sisters. (in real life I only have one brother) I always wanted to have lots of brothers and sisters, so instead of having them in real life, I just made them up.
6) I used to put detergent in the fountains around town when I was a teenager. (Kansas City is the City of Fountains) Every summer my friends and I would drive around buying HUGE things of laundry detergent and 1 in the morning and watch the fountains overflow into the streets.
7) When I was 19, I dated a much older guy (again before I came to terms with my sexuality) and I basically just used him for his money. He would hand over $50 here and there with no problems. He was in his mid-30's, not cute and just an all a dork. But he had money. After about 6 months he got tired of not getting anything in return.
8) When I was 19, we were going to some exotic island in the Caribbean and we had to take one of those small planes. On our flight (there were only about 20 people on this flight) was Dick Clark. He looks so different not in his tv face. No makeup and he looked so much older. I kept thinking..if this flight crashes at least I will go down with Dick Clark on my plane.
9) I am obessed with salsa. I will eat it on anything. ANYTHING. I have grown very fond of "On the Border" salsa which you can now buy in the grocery store. It's low fat and low calorie and very good for you.
10) When I was 8 years old, a very famous baseball player here in KC (George Brett) saw me standing in line to get his autograph and looked at me and said, "you are so pretty, will you marry me". I remember tellling all my friends at school and they didn't believe me.
One extra one...
11) When I was in the 5th grade I wore a shirt that said "Adidas" on it. This kid came up to me and said, "you know what Adidas stands for don't you?" I said, "no". And he said, "all day I dream about sex". I was horrified. I have not worn anything with Adidas on it to this day.
Saturday, December 10, 2005
1) As a small child I never got to imagine what it would be like if there really was a Santa Claus. I was always told that it was "lies" that were told to young kids and that Santa Claus did not and never did exist and if he did he was probably was a dirty old man.
2) I was never taught the real meaning of Christmas. Jehovah's Witnesses do believe in Jesus, but do not believe he was born on December 25. They feel Christmas is too commercialized and that it is more trouble then fun. Even though they tried to teach me this, I still felt that Christmas was a special time of the year and things happened during this time that didn't at other times of the year.
3) I never got to write a letter to Santa Claus.
4) As a child, I never had a Christmas tree, or lights in my house.
5) When our school would have Christmas parties or programs, I had to leave school early. All the kids always wondered about this and it was hard explaining to them when I didn't understand myself. (this also occured on Halloween and Valentine's Day)
I am one of the fortunate ones. There are many JW's that will never experience what Christmas is all about. Growing up I did have a glimpse as to what Christmas was all about. See, my Mom is a JW, but my father is not. They married (and are still married today) while my Mom was taking a "break" from being a JW. When they had my brother, she decided to go back to being a good JW. So, growing up, my Dad's parents always gave us Christmas gifts and my Father also would give us a few gifts. Talk about confusing. Here I was suppose to not be celebrating Christmas, but I am handed several gifts. There were times when I didn't know whether to say "thank you", or "no thank you". And let me explain my Father's idea of gifts. My Father is a lawyer and never has had the ability to look at things through a child's eyes. I would recieve from him things such as: car wash coupons, a 500 page book about wild birds, a free calender given out by the bank and flashlights with the batteries. Don't get me wrong, I do appreciate those gifts, but when you are a child it's like getting only socks and underwear. And I think I received that a few times from him as well.
But the last two years have been different. I wrote out a list to Santa (aka Laura) and recieved most of what was on that list. Infact, this year I know that I am getting Oprah's Greatest Moments. Yippee. Oh, wait, I am not suppose to know. (see Laura's blog to see how angry she is at me for finding that out.)
One last thing.......15 days and counting.
Friday, December 09, 2005
I am so excited!!! I heard about this movie about 2 months ago, and the day is finally here. Laura and I are going to go see this movie this weekend. It's nice that a movie focused on Gay is in the main theatres and that it's getting this much press. I heard on Good Morning America that it is Oscar bound. Joel Segal said he expects it to have at least 7 nominations. I don't remember being this excited for a movie to come out in a long time. I think the last time was when "The Prince of Tides" came out. I was a senior in high school and we had just finished the book in our English class. The book was wonderful and I couldn't wait to see the movie. I think I went and saw it 10 times in the theatre. Movies were a lot cheaper then and I don't have money like that to waste now. There's nothing like seeing a movie you really want to see on the big screen. I simply can't wait!!!
Thursday, December 08, 2005
1) Laura and I decided last night to have pizza. It's not part of our diet, but we didn't feel like cooking. We prefer Papa Murphy's, but didn't want to have to drive to get it. So, we call Pizza Hut. I am on hold for about 20 minutes. When I tell them it's for delivery they say "Oh, Ma'am, I am sorry, but we will not be delivering until 9:00 tomorrow morning." WTF!! So, I decide to put in the order and drive the 1 mile to get it. All in all, it wasn't that bad last night. But I could tell it was getting crazy.
2) Last night as we were watching the news, which we have been glued to since yesterday for some odd reason, they did a live shot to show how bad the roads are. What was funny was they were right in front of am Adult Video Store. I thought to myself..there are several things that do not close down for a major snow storm...The hospital, McDonalds and of course an Adult Video Store.
3) We got so much snow last night (pictures coming soon) that we have lost 1/2 our yard decorations to what appears to be an avalanche. The only thing that is visible now is our Snoppy (which took several times going out and brushing the snow off) and the lights on our tree. I decided to leave the lights on because I bet it will be real pretty at night.
4) Again, we got so much snow that even the dog is not sure what to think of the snow. When I first let her out this morning she just stayed on the deck. With some encouraging she did venture off the deck. Well, the snow was so deep it was up to her chest. (and she is a good size dog) Poor thing, she hates going out even when it's just raining. I have yet to see her go #2. I think she will probably wait until the snow melts.
Off to continue our Skip-Bo tournament.
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
I woke up this morning feeling tired and just not feeling good. So, I called in. About noon Laura called me and said her school was getting our early cause of the snow and she was on her way home. It was a nice afternoon. We sat around and played Skip-Bo and watched tv. It was warm and cozy in our house. We turned on all the Christmas lights. I just love days like this. It is on days like this (and probably tomorrow) that I wish I had picked a teacher as my career choice. Maybe my work will close down for the day. They have done it before, so just maybe. If they don't close, I will be heading back to work tomorrow while Laura is at home all warm and cozy.
The other big news event is the temperature. Tonight it's getting down to 4 and then Friday morning the low is -6. Can you say Brrrrr!!!!
Sophie the dog loves snow more then me, if that is possible. She goes outside and runs in the snow and runs her nose all in the snow. I can count on her waking me up in the middle of the night to go outside. It never fails. But she has always been a cold weather dog. She hates the heat as much as I do.
Let's all say a prayer that my place of employment closes tomorrow. I'll let you know in the morning if those prayers worked.
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
Monday, December 05, 2005
7 Things I want to do before I die....
1) Island Hop for an entire year (any islands in the Carribbean)
2) Legally marry Laura
3) Have a baby with Laura
4) Buy a house at Lake Lotawana (lake in the KC area)
5) Visit Hawaii again
6) Visit Camp Mishawaka again
7) Pass my Kansas Social Work Liscense test
7 Things I can't do...
1) Speak a foreign language (still working on English)
2) Play a musical instrument
3) So far, pass the Kansas Social Work licsense test
4) Parrelle Park
5) Write good poetry
6) Legally marry Laura
7) Talk to my parents
7 things that attract me to the same sex...
5) Sense of Humor
6) The person being genuine
7) Similiar Beliefs and Values
7 Things I say most often...
1) Love you baby
2) How's the dog
4) This is Caroline (answering the phone at work)
5) God dammit
6) It's a Christmas Miracle (from watching too much Little House on the Prairie)
7) I need a cigarette
7 Celebrity Crushes..
1) Faith Hill
2) Jessica Simpson (so dumb, but so hot)
3) Jennifer Aniston (definition of cool)
4) Olivia from Law & Order:SVU (shhh.don't tell Laura...she would die if she knew her biggest cursh was also mine..and my reputation would be ruined)
5) Rosie (love her dedication to mankind and Human Rights)
6) Abby from ER
7) Jo Frost (A.K.A. SuperNanny)
7 People I want to do this...
2) Pack of 2
3) Recovering Straight Girl
4) Sweet Angel
5) Ragged Around the Edges
Sunday, December 04, 2005
I needed this picture today. It's is so fucking cold here. About 9am I went out to get us some bagels for breakfast and I had to wait about 10 minutes for the windshield to clear. There was no moisture, but because it's so cold there is always frost. We have a one car garage, but in the winter time Laura gets the garage. Because she gets up earlier then me and has 8 screws and 2 metal plates in her right ankle, I thought she deserved the garage in the winter. I would hate for her to be walking down our stairs one morning and slip on ice or snow, or the occasional stray cat in our neighborhood. This morning I decided to take the dog with me. She loves car rides. Well, as we were sitting in the car waiting for it to warm up, she looked at me and said, "why did you have to bring me. Don't you know it's like 10 degrees outside?" Really, she didn't say that, but I swore she was flipping me off. :)
So, it is now 126 days until our trip to Florida. After the holidays, it's all down hill from there. Whoa!!! And we have a few surprises for all our friends and loved ones. (not telling yet....) So, I found this picture on the net and hopefully this image will get me through those cold, dark winter nights. I love winter, but I would love to have some snow to go along with this cold weather. Somehow, it never feels that cold when the ground is covered in snow. So, please Mother nature, if you are listening, let us have some snow. It would make the holiday season so wonderful. Plus, Laura would love to have a snow day.
Saturday, December 03, 2005
This afternoon I have been watching "The Best Things About the Holidays". Even though I did not celebrate Christmas, I still managed to watch a few holiday programs. I think this one is my favorite. I used to love watching it when I was little and loved the house they lived in. (reminded me of camp because they lived in the woods) I think I am going to add this to my Chirstmas wish list because I would love to have it.
The weather in Chicago was nothing short of freezing. It was snowing when we flew in Thursday night and was about 17 degrees. We had to stand in line for about 15 minutes for a cab. Burrr!! On Friday, it was clear, but still very cold. Our hotel and conference were in the Chicago Sun/Times building. It was odd because our hotel lobby was on floor 15. So, whenever I wanted to have a smoke, I had to take the elevator down 15 floors. It was a good way to limit how much I was smoking. The view from our room was looking directly at the Sears Tower and the River. Made me realize again that I would love to live in a city where having a car is optional. I would love to be able to take the subway to work, etc. Maybe one day that dream will come true.
The conference was WONDERFUL . It was focused on motivational inteviewing, which is the tool we use when we are interviewing clients. It was awesome, awesome, awesome. I had to leave the conference about 30 minutes early to catch my flight. I knew that I was going to be heading to the airport on a Friday night, in rush hour. As it turned out, my flight was running late, so I didnt have to leave early anyway.
The cab ride back to the airport was kind of scarey. The driver thought he was in the Indianapolis 500. He was driving so fast and kept slamming on the brakes. Scary..... But I made it to the airport just fine. And then I sat and watched people for 3 hours.
I have not flown in almost 6 years. So, the whole security thing was new to me. What a fucking hassle. Take off your coat, take off your shoes, put everything in a little basket...walk through the metal decter, grab your shoes, put them on, put on your coat, grab your bag. The whole time, the person behind you is looking at you like, "could you hurry it up please." I had to do this about 4 times yesterday because each time I wanted a smoke, I had to leave the "secured" area. Again, another reason to quit smoking. And since you can't have lighters, I had to carry matches with me.
All in all, it was a wonderful trip. Although, all that time out in the cold air smoking, waiting for a cab has caused me to come down with a cold. I woke up yesterday in Chicago all congested. I woke up this morning still congested and now feeling very weak and tired.
So, I am off to lay on the couch and watch some tv and while Laura is out at the grocery store, this is the perfect time to wrap a couple of her gifts.