Saturday, February 28, 2009


We finally got some snow!! I woke up this morning around 2:30am and looked outside and there was nothing. I figured the weatherman had messed up the forecast again and again we would get nothing. But then when Sophie woke me up at 7:30am I looked out and saw about 3 inches on the ground and it's still coming down pretty good.

Sophie was thrilled that there was snow and I am thinking we will be taking lots of walks today. I love how she runs her nose in the snow. Once inside she cuddled up with one of her favorite toys and of course one of my gloves:

I am so glad that I got all my errands done last night. I also decided to do my laundry because I didn't think it would be fun walking up the hill to the clubhouse to do my laundry. I am only wishing I had stopped at Blockbuster to rent a few movies. I really miss having cable.

Friday, February 27, 2009

"Don't Make Me Get In Your Face"

This was said to me today by one of the clients. He was upset because I assigned him the weekly chore of cleaning the kitchen. And cleaning the kitchen only consists of wiping down the tables and counter tops after the meals. He started yelling when I assigned him the chore and thankfully there was another staff member in the group with me and she took him out of the group. As he was leaving he walked right past me and got right up in my face while pointing his finger and said, "don't make me get in your face". I was never afraid, but I did think he was going to hit me. Thankfully he didn't and ten minutes later he was discharged. I love working in the addictions field, but it's frustrating when you have clients like this. His little outburst has only hurt himself.

Several of you asked about my new job and what I will be doing. I will be working in a very small hospital (only 25 beds) and I will be the social worker for the whole hospital. The hospital is small, but it is the only hospital in the county. During the interview they told me they serve about 10,000 people. I imagine I will be doing a lot of discharge planning and coordinating of services like medical equipment and evaluating patients that might need extended care in the home. When I was getting my masters degree I did my internship at a local hospital and worked with all 5 social workers that were in the hospital. I am looking forward to the challenge of the new job and I am really looking forward to the fact that this job will be a lot less stressful.

Tonight we are suppose to get about 3 inches of snow. This whole winter we have only received about a dusting of snow, so I am kind of excited about the snow. I checked the weather for my new town and they are suppose to get about 2 more inches then the KC area. Oh how I wish I was already moved. Snow + a fireplace+ S.....that would be the perfect weekend.

Thursday, February 26, 2009


I am so tired. This is progress from last week since I was ready for the week to be over by 9am on Monday. So, I think it's pretty good that I made it all the way to Thursday before becoming overwhelmingly tired. This morning when I got up it was dark, gray and raining outside. It didn't help that the cats didn't even move when I got out of bed and stayed there until I walked out the door. When I came home this evening Bonk was in the exact same spot. I wonder if she even got off the bed today?

I am looking forward to having almost a week off when I move. Starting a new job is always very tiring, so I decided to start on a Thursday. I will only have to work 2 days and then have a weekend. This will give me time to get used to my new house as well as the pets. I know we will all be happy when we are living in a bigger space. Sophie and the cats will have more room to run and Sophie can bark all she wants without me worrying about a neighbor complaining.

This morning S called me on her way to work just to say good morning and that she loved me. She is so sweet and every day I am thankful that she is in my life. I am so damn lucky.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Taking March Back

The last couple of days I have been thinking a lot about a certain incident between me and Laura. I think part of me is thinking about it because I am shocked that I allowed someone to treat me like she did.

In the fall of 2006 we decided to get bikes. We had some really great bike trails right by our house and we thought it would be a great way for us to exercise together. The first time we decided to go to the trail we loaded up the bikes into her car and drove to the trail. When the bikes were in the car my gears must have shifted because the minute I put my feet on the pedals the chain came off. Laura was pissed. She was yelling that she couldn't believe I did that and now we would have load the bikes back up and go home because she didn't have the tools to fix the chain. As we drove home I apologized to her and she just sat there and didn't say anything to me. I remember feeling so stupid and like I had done something really bad. She didn't talk to me all the way home.

Looking back on my relationship with Laura there were many other times where she would get angry with me for stupid little things. And if I ever expressed any anger about something she did she would snap at me like I had no right to be angry or upset.

I don't know why I have been thinking about the incident with the bike lately. Maybe it's because I am in a wonderful relationship and I know S would never ever treat me like that. When I was sharing this story with S last night she was shocked that Laura would act like she did for something that was an accident.

It's funny because when I was with Laura I knew our relationship was not perfect, but I still felt like I was pretty lucky to have her. Next month will mark 2 years since we broke up and now that I have put some distance between her and the relationship we had I am seeing that it was very unhealthy. It makes me sad that my self-esteem was so low that I felt like she was the best I could do.

Thankfully I didn't give up on myself and realized that I deserved so much more (and better) then Laura.

March has always been a rough month for me because that was the month my ex-husband and I decided to divorce and that was the month where Laura and I broke up. I think it's great that I will be moving during the month of March. I feel like I am taking back the month of March and I know this March will be one that I will never forget.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Dinner with Friends

Tonight I had dinner with two of my friends L and MJ. They wanted to take me out since I will be moving in a couple weeks and they took me to my favorite restaurant Kokopelli's. It is the best Mexican food in Kansas City.

I got my favorite appetizer: (This picture is for you Lynilu)
I really will miss Kokopelli's and I imagine every time I come back to visit I will be eating here.

Yes, I will miss Kokopelli's, but I will miss these two even more:

Monday, February 23, 2009

Great Day

Today was a great day. I woke up before my alarm went off and didn't try to find a reason why I should stay home. I love my job, but lately I have been so tired and getting out of bed has been a struggle. But this morning I got up and headed into work. And I had a great day at work. I felt like I got a lot accomplished and overall it was a very productive day. Even when one of my techs called in and I had trouble finding coverage I wasn't stressed by the fact that I might have to work tonight. Thankfully one of my wonderful techs volunteered to do a double shift today.

I got an email from my new job and they are wanting me to sign up for a training. I have to have my Kansas Social Work license in order to start work and I am really hoping it comes in times. I guess the worst thing that could happen is I start a few days later then what I had planned. But I am pretty sure it will come in time.

Last night I had the strangest dream about my Mom. In my dream I went back to the church to visit her and she had about 3 developmentally disabled adults with her. As I was standing there the elders told her she had to leave because they were being disruptive. I started yelling at the elders that she should be allowed to stay because she was just trying to help them. She then left and there was a lot of commotion outside and there ended up being a shooting. As I tried to see if my Mom was OK the road was blocked and I couldn't get to her. I wonder what this dream means? Just so you know, it it totally out of character for my Mom to be helping Developmentally disabled adults. That just isn't her thing.

I just got a TXT from S saying, "I can't wait to hear about your day." Reason #4 why I am so excited to move....I can tell S about my great day in person. was your day?

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Dottie's 1st Road Trip

I got to see S today, so it was a very good day. It was the first time that I drove my new car and I was curious as to how she would do. I had noticed that the car really doesn't get great gas mileage in the city, but on the highway it was perfect. I made it there and back (about 250 miles) on 1/2 tank of gas. That is even better then my Honda. The other thing I noticed was I wasn't thrown around the highway as much because this car is a lot heavier then my Honda. It was a smooth ride the whole time and I am now excited to plan my road trip to see Lynilu.

Both S and I look at the time we spend together as a time for us to recharge. Not seeing her last weekend was probably part of the reason the week seemed so long. But after spending the day with her I feel ready to take on the world again.

It was a pretty low key day, which is something we both needed. We watched our favorite movie and just enjoyed being with each other. We also talked about how things have really changed in the last six weeks. On January 4 I asked her to marry me and the next day I was sitting in a co-workers office looking out the window and I thought to myself, "what the hell am I waiting for. I want to be with this woman and there is nothing holding me back from moving out of Kansas City." I went back to my office and googled social work jobs in her area and came across my new job. That Friday they called me for an interview, the next Friday I had my interview and the following Friday I was offered the job. It's crazy how fast things happened, but I think it also shows that this was meant to be. In this economy and this recession, it's not very common for someone to decide to look for a job and less then 3 weeks later have a job. I have always been really proud of the fact that I got my masters, but this whole get a new job and move out of Kansas City makes me even more proud of myself.

This morning when I was in the shower Sophie decided the napkins on the table sounded like a good snack. I asked her if she got into them and she just looked at me with these sad puppy dog eyes. I don't think she realized she had half a napkin sticking out her mouth:
She's not a good liar.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Another Saturday Night

This video shows how much I miss cable. Feeding Sophie off a fork is how I entertained myself tonight. After her treat she went and got a drink from the toilet. Yes, I know I lead such a thrilling life.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Friday Night Treat

I decided on the way home I needed a treat. I have not eaten out in a week and I thought that some ice cream would be good for tonight. I was right.

I don't know why, but I never thought this week was going to end. And now that it's over I feel great. I have had a really quiet evening. I didn't do any packing and just watched a bunch of TV, including my TV girlfriend Super Nanny.

Tonight when I got home my neighbor upstairs came out and told me that a few nights ago he was pulling into our complex and someone hit his car and kept going. And yet another reason I am glad I am moving. The parking lot of my complex can get crazy at times and most people drive really fast and don't care that you are walking on the side of the road. Usually when I car comes close to me and Sophie I just step up into the grass so we won't get hit. But what I want to do is yell..."slow down asshole". You have no idea how nice it will be to have my own driveway again.

I was told last week that I have been talking a lot about my upcoming move. This move is completely different then any of my other moves. I never went away for college and have always lived in the same 15 mile area. So this move is huge for me. I have always dreamed of moving out of KC, but never thought I was strong enough or had enough courage. I was thinking back to when I was dating STL and she wanted me to move to St. Louis. I had found a place and even sent my deposit check, but the day after I mailed my deposit for my apartment I realized this probably wasn't the best thing and canceled everything. This move is different....the minute I was offered my new job I was ready to move. And even though I have had many obstacles since deciding to move (car wreck, ect) I have never once doubted my decision to move.

S and I were talking tonight and I told her that now that things are pretty much done for my move I now have time to start thinking about my new job and I am getting excited. I love learning new things and I know my first few weeks at the hospital are going to be filled with a whole lot of learning.

I promise you that I will stop talking about this move in 3 weeks. :)

Your Week in 3 Words

Because I want to be just like Lynilu, I am copying her idea for this Friday.

How would you describe your week in just 3 words?

My Week:
It's finally over.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Bonk and the Boxes

The last week or so I have been hearing a new sound as I sleep. Bonk has discovered the boxes and loves to run and jump on them. I don't think she realizes she is 22.

I have been thinking about how I am going to coordinate moving the pets when I move. At first I was going to come back and get them once everything is unloaded at the new house, but I really don't think I want to have to drive 5 more hours that day. I am sure I am going to be exhausted as it is. So I think I will load them all up in the car with me and that will save me an extra trip. I am meeting my new landlords there the day I move, so once I have signed all the paperwork I will move them into the spare bedroom. I only told them I have one dog and one cat. I never know if people will be upset if I have 3 pets instead of 2. And if they ever come in the house they would never see Ben. Even when I come home from work Ben goes running and hides for the first few minutes. I am thinking of getting something for the cats so that they can sleep most of the way, but I am a little nervous about Bonk. She is so old and I worry that it might make her sick. I really wish they could understand me so I could explain to them what is going on.

A few weeks ago one of the stray cats came right up to my window. As you can see Ben was not impressed at all.
This stray cat is so friendly and I wish she would find a home. When I walk Sophie she will walk right besides Sophie for the entire walk. I am sure people that drive by and see this cat walking with Sophie get a good laugh.

Thanks to Amy I probably will have a refrigerator when I move in. It's just a dorm size fridge, but it will do for a few weeks. Once I get a regular refrigerator it will be great for pop and bottled water. Thanks again Amy.

This has been the longest week and I am so glad tomorrow is Friday. And even better, I get to see S on Sunday. It's been two long weeks since I have seen her. That is way too long.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009


The last couple of days I have been just exhausted. It seems to take all my energy just to get up and get to work in the morning. S reminded me that I have had a lot of life changes in the past month and that is probably why I am tired. I just wish the next 3 weeks would fly by so that I can get moved and then I can finally have a moment to sit and relax.

On Sunday I noticed that I was getting a yeast infection. I really didn't want to spend the money for the treatment so I looked up on the Internet to see what home remedies they suggested. I found one where you take a tampon, dip it in plain yogurt and then insert the tampon. I tried that and it did not work, so I ended up going to the drug store today and buying something for it. Hey don't laugh, I was trying to save some money.

Speaking of money...I am so broke right now. I know that once I move and get settled things will be a lot better financially, but right now I just have more money going out then I have coming in. What has really hurt me is the money I had to spend on my ticket for the expired tags. I am glad that is all over with, but that was a big hit to me financially. Plus the new tire I had to replace on Dottie and well, I feel so poor right now. Every Friday all the managers go out to lunch and I will not be going out with them this Friday. I would rather use that money for gas to go up and see S on Sunday.

Speaking of S....boy do I miss her. It has been almost 2 weeks since I have seen her and I miss her like crazy. Whenever I get stressed or overwhelmed (which is not that often) by this move, all I have to do is think about the fact that I will see her almost everyday once I move. In our six months together we have probably only spent 12 nights together, so it will be nice waking up next to her most mornings. I do imagine that will make it harder getting to work in the morning. :)

Yesterday I thought I had a refrigerator all lined up, but the deal fell through. So I am back to square one for looking for a refrigerator. I really don't have the money for a brand new one, and there aren't a lot of places around my small town that sell used appliances. I am not going to worry because it will all work out.

Each night I have been doing a little more packing. I have settled down and don't mind living in total chaos, but it will be good once I get settled in the new house. Oh, when I was packing last night look what I found:
Snoopy is going to look so good in front of my house next Christmas.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

One Step Back....Two Steps Forward

About a week ago I emailed my parents to let them know I was moving and that I would like to get together with them before I move. I knew that I wouldn't hear from my Mom and the only reason I included her email address was because I didn't want her to come back at some point and say, "well you never included me in your emails." I didn't tell them where I was moving to, just that I was moving 2.5 hours away. I received an email from my Dad yesterday. He said that he would like to get together with me to see what has been going on with me. He then asked me if I was buying a ranch. I was kind of excited by the email, but then I got to thinking and maybe I should have never emailed them.

My family has always had very poor boundaries. They believe in keeping everything private from the outside world, but in our own family there is no privacy. Does that make sense? I remember the first email I received from my Mom after I came out to them and she was asking about how lesbians have safe sex. Seriously, I was 31 years old and my sex life is none of her concern. About 4 months after I was kicked out of the church and my family disowned me, Laura and I ran into my Dad while we were having lunch. He was there eating by himself and we invited him over to our table. He did come over and it was a very awkward lunch. One of the first things he asked me was, "where are you working and how much are you making now?" It's almost as if my parents refuse to see that I am an adult and will always view me as the young Caroline who should be telling her parents everything.

I am not sure what I was expecting when I emailed them. Sometimes I wonder why I can't just let things rest. Maybe it's because deep down the little Caroline is still wanting to be loved by her parents and to have their approval. I think I am realizing that I will probably never meet their very high expectations.

It's hard when your parents disown you and I don't think you know how you would handle it unless you were in the same situation. It's really hard to accept something that you simply can not understand.

The positive in all of this, I don't think I am as emotional about the whole situation as I was even just a year ago. I guess it's true that sometimes in life you need to take one step back in order to take two forward.

As far as meeting my Dad, I don't think I am going to meet him. I know it sounds crazy since I was the one that emailed him, but I really don't think I want to open the can of worms that this could open. Because really, if we did meet it's not like we would have a normal relationship. He would just find out more things about me that he has no right to know. At least no right since he disowned me almost 5 years ago.

Some things are best left in the past. And I need to remember that 5 years ago my family made this decision.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Dottie's First Check Up

I guess I forgot to mention that I did name my car. Thanks to Lynilu's suggestion I have named her Dorothy, but will call her Dottie for short. When I said something to my co-workers they started laughing so hard. I think Dottie fits her just right.

A couple days ago I thought the left front tire looked a little low and told myself I would keep an eye on it. Well this morning when I got in my car I knew for sure that it was pretty low. As I drove to work I didn't notice any problems while driving it and it seemed just fine. About two hours after I got to work I had one of my co-workers look at it and he said that it was very low. I decided this would be a good time for Dottie to get her first check up to make sure that I hadn't just bought a lemon.

Good news....they said that Dottie is one of the best used cars they have seen. Yay for Dottie. They said the only thing that needed changed was the air filter and since I know nothing about cars I let them change it for me. She also got an oil change. I did have to purchase a new tire and the reason they gave me sounded pretty good even though I had no idea what was wrong with the tire. I figured if they were going to screw me they would have told me I needed all new tires.

After I picked up Dottie I went to the Dollar Store because I am looking for some cup holders. Would you believe there are no cup holders in the car. It's crazy. I didn't find any cup holders, but I did finally replace my sunglasses that somehow disappeared in the rental car. I remember hearing them fall between the seat, but I could not find them at all. I am pretty happy with my sunglasses and glad that I am not blinded every time I drive somewhere.

Even though I have to work today and I had to deal with some car issues, today has been a very good day.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Random Things on this Sunday

I have officially started packing. In just 4 weeks this will all be over with and I will be in my new home. I can't wait, but there is also a lot to do before this move.

My apartment is a mess!!! It's hard packing everything when you are in such a small place. I like my house to be neat and orderly and right now it's anything but that. Sophie and the cats are realizing something is up and every time I pull out a box to start packing Ben goes into hiding. I think they are all feeling a little insecure and I wish I could explain to them that our next place will be so much better.

Yesterday I had a guy come by and look at my kitchen table/chairs. Someone I work with was going to buy it, but this past week decided he had no way to get it to his house. So when this guy called about the table I thought I was finally going to get rid of it. First of all, the guy wanted to come by Thursday night to look at it and I told him Friday after work would be better. There was no way I was going to have some strange guy come to my house after dark. Then Friday he called and asked if he could come by Saturday around 1pm. So yesterday I had gone grocery shopping and got home around 12:15pm and he called saying he was a little early and would it be OK for him to look at the tables now. The groceries were still in their bags when he came in. He looked and looked, sat on each of the chairs and then said it would be hard for him to get the table up 8 flights of stairs. He then said, the best he could do is $35. (I was asking $50) I told him nope and he left. I then decided I am just going to keep the table/chairs until I can find something I really like.

On Thursday I got a letter from the place I bought my car saying they needed a copy of my insurance. When I bought the car I asked if they wanted to see my insurance and they said, "no that's OK." So when I got the letter I thought I would take care of it when I got my new cards with the car information on it. Then yesterday I got another letter from this place saying that I was in breach of my contract because I didn't have coverage on the car and I had 24 hours to surrender the car. WTF??????? I call the place and they said they would not take my insurance card from the Honda and that the information had to have my car information on it. The lady was so nasty and I was pissed at this point. I did get a hold of someone at State Farm and they couldn't find my policy. At this point I am pretty upset. Finally, after about 5 minutes the lady said they must have been having computer problems and they found my policy and would fax it to the dealership right away. Yesterday was such a stressful day.

Last night I watched the movie W. It was actually really good. I will be excited when my little experiment with no cable is over. Weekends are horrible for local TV. Right now I am watching a program called "My Teen TV". Hey, but the good news is The Amazing Race starts tonight. I can't wait.

One last thing...if you happen to see S, let her know that I will be home in just 26 days. :)

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Happy Valentines Day!!

This song is for the my S. Thank you for loving me.

I'll be home in just 27 days.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Just Me

Okay so the rules are simple. Just do what each ones says then tag 8-10 of your friends and laugh. Have FUN!

1.YOUR REAL NAME: Caroline Ann Murphy

2.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME:(mother and fathers middle names) Alice Rodgers

3.NASCAR NAME:(first name of your mother's dad, father's dad) Stuart John

4.STAR WARS NAME:(the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name) Murcar

5.DETECTIVE NAME:(favorite color, favorite animal) Blue Dog

6.SOAP OPERA NAME:(middle name, town where you were born) Ann Merriam

7. YOUR OTHER SOAP OPERA NAME: (your middle name and street you live on/or neighborhood if it's a number) Ann Meadow Lane

8.SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd fav color, fav drink, add "THE" to the beginning) The Yellow Coke

9.FLY NAME:(first 2 letters of 1st name, last 2 letters of your last name) Carhy

10.STREET NAME:(fav ice cream flavor, fav cookie) Rocky Road Chocolate Chip

11.SKANK NAME: (1st pet's name, street you grew up on) Polly Meadow Lane

12.GANGSTA NAME:(first 3 letters of first name plus 'izzle') Carizzle

13.YOUR GOTH NAME:(black, and the name of one of your pets) Black Bonk

14. STRIPPER NAME: (name of your fav perfume/cologne, fav candy) Escape Hershey

This was fun. I am not going to tag anyone, but let me know if you want to play along on your blog.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

29 Days

Today when I got to work there was a message on my voicemail from one of my techs saying how he was going to miss me and that he wished me luck on my move. For some reason there were a couple people that thought today was my last day at work. I quickly went up and reassured him that I was not leaving yet and I would be around for another 4 weeks. He seemed very happy that I was going to be around for another month.

Most people are very excited for me and my new adventure that I will be starting in a month. But I have had a few people that are clearly upset that I am moving 2.5 hours away. Today I was in a meeting and when someone found out where I was moving she rolled her eyes and said, "OK". Now this isn't someone that I am really close with, but seriously why would you do that? Someone else at this meeting kept telling me how happy he was for me and congratulations on my new job. He then said that that he was sad that I was leaving, but always is glad when someone moves onto something else.

As I was driving home I was talking to S and she put it very clearly...."You need to be closer to me." And she is right...she is my family now and I do need to be closer to her. If people don't understand that then I really don't know how to explain it to them.

The hardest part about moving is the fact that I am leaving so many friends behind. Just because I am so happy about moving, doesn't mean I am not going to miss my friends here in KC. I am going to miss them a lot.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

March 14

Yesterday I read this article at MSNBC. It's a great article about how you don't have to spend a lot of money to be romantic or to show someone that you love them and that it's all about the moments.

S and I will not be able to spend this Valentine's day together. At first I was pretty disappointed but I am OK with it now. I keep reminding myself that I will be there in just a month and we will no longer have 125 miles between us. When I used to dream about moving out of KC I always thought that I would be sad and that it would be hard. I know I am suppose to be moving next month because I don't ever remember a time when I was so excited about the future. I feel like I am getting a whole new start on car, new home, new job and the best part...being with S.

It was six months ago that S and I first met. After just six months I can't imagine my life without her. She is the best of the best.

Today while we were talking S and I decided to celebrate Valentine's day the day after I move...March 14. I think it would be cool if this became a tradition to us.

The Letter R

A very long time ago Lynilu had a post where you would leave a comment and she would assign you a letter and you had to then list 10 things that you love that start with that letter. I was given the letter R. I apologize to Lynilu for being so late in this. If you want to play along, just leave me a comment letting me know you want to play along and I will answer you in the comment section and assign you a letter. It's actually really fun. Here are 10 things I love that start with the letter R:

*Red Barns: In the last couple of years I have fallen in love with red barns. There are about 3 when I drive to see S and one of these days I am going to stop and take some pictures. My dream one day is to have a place out in the country and have my very own red barn.

*Rain: I love when it rains. Part of me feels like maybe I should live in the Northwest where it rains all the time. I especially love when it rains on Sunday afternoons and I can take a nap with the sound of rain hitting the windows.

*Rivers: I love when I am driving to S and there are so many little rivers. I love seeing all the crazy names as well. I prefer rivers/lakes over ocean water.

*Radio: I love the radio. I got very spoiled when I had the rental car since it had satellite radio. I have to have a radio when I am at work. Having music in the background really helps me get things done at work.

*Re-Runs: Most people don't like re-runs, but that is most of the television I watch. I love re-runs of Roseanne, The Golden Girls and of course my beloved Little House on the Prairie.

*Red: Before I met S I wasn't a huge fan of red, but now whenever I see the color red I think of my "lady in red".

*Romance: I love romance. Romance doesn't have to be going out and spending lots of can mean just doing something for your partner that will make their day easier.

*Rice: Love fried rice. There is one Chinese restaurant in KC that has the best Chicken Fried Rice. When I was 15 I was babysitting for this couple and they got me and the kids Chinese take out and that was the first time I had tried Chicken Fried Rice. When I want Chicken Fried Rice I still drive to that one Chinese restaurant.

*Road Runner: I love the Internet through Time Warner. It's so fast and I have never had any problems with it. I am hoping the Internet I get once I move will be just as fast.

*Rural: I love rural areas and the feel of a small town community. Just 30 days until I move. Yay!!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

New Look

I have been playing with my blog and really like the new look. It feels really warm to me. I think it's perfect that the title of the background I chose is titled "Paradise".

My life is so good that it feels like I am in paradise. :)

Busy Tuesday

It's been a busy day and it's just 1pm. Here is a list of things that I have gotten down so far today:

*When I had the car accident I got a ticket for expired tags. The ticket did not show how much the fine was going to be and when I called the court house a few weeks ago they said I had to come to court. I was not looking forward to driving 1.5 hours to get to court by 9am in a few weeks. Plus, the court house is in the same town as the wreck and I am trying my best to avoid that town all together. Anyway, so I called again this morning to see if they would just let me mail in the money and I was able to talk with the county prosecutor (oh, that sounds like I did something really bad) and they are going to let me just mail in the money for the ticket and court costs. I am sooooo happy. The lesson in all of this is to never let my tags expire again. The fine plus court costs is almost $300. Ouch.

*I called the gas company, electric company, water company and cable/Internet and got all of my services set up for my new house. This was a huge relief to me to get this done. I have never had any utility services in Kansas, so I was worried about deposits, etc. The gas company is making me pay a deposit of $250, but they will break that down into my first 4 payments. The electric company has a deposit of $180, but if I get a letter from my current electric company saying I am a good customer, then they will waive the deposit. Yay. The water company wants a deposit of $100, which is no big deal. And there is no deposit for my cable/Internet. I am thinking of not having a home phone for right now, but I guess that will all depend on my cellphone coverage at the house.

*I called State Farm and let them know about my new car. So far my rates have gone down $55 for 6 months. She told me I will see a drastic change once I move since I am moving to an area with literally no crime.

The only thing left to do is find a refrigerator. There is a small business right down the street from my new house that sells used appliances, so I am going to go visit them in a few weeks and see if I can buy a fridge and if they will deliver it. My landlord has also talked to several people to see if they know of anyone that is selling a fridge.

This move is coming together so smoothly and I am just so darn excited. I am having trouble sleeping at night because I am so excited about the move. I don't think anyone really understands how this move is really like a dream come true for me. For as long as I can remember I have wanted to move out of KC and into a small town. I know that small town living is not for everyone, but this is a dream I have had for so long.

And the fact that I will be so much closer to S makes this dream even sweeter. Seriously...I don't think life can get any better. I am so lucky and so blessed.

Monday, February 09, 2009

New Wheels

Here's my new car. It's a 2003 Taurus and I really like it. It drives really smoothly and it feels good to have my own car again.

I decided against the VW Bug because since I will be living in a very small town I don't know any places that would be able to work on it. My new town has a Ford Dealership, so I know if I need to I can get it worked on.

Now I just need to come up with a name for her. (yes I name everything)

Sunday, February 08, 2009

The Inside

Today S and I drove to my new town to take a look at 3 other places just in case we found something better. Bottom line, my little stone house is the best and it's where I belong. The people renting it out are an older couple that have owned the house since the wife's aunt passed away in 1979. The wife is a social worker who also graduated from KU.

We met them at the house this afternoon for me to one last look before I officially committed to renting the house. The other time we looked inside was before I interviewed for my job, but seeing it this time I see how everything was suppose to work out exactly the way it did.

Here are some pictures of the inside. This first picture is the living room. I love the windows and the fireplace. Can't you just see Sophie and the cats looking out the windows.

This is a picture looking the other way into the living room:
I am in love with the build in shelf. And the little shelf to the right is where the phone goes. Love it.

Here is the bathroom:
There is a huge closet in the bathroom for storage.

This is the 2nd bedroom:
I think this room will be perfect for a spare bedroom/office. And again, there is tons of storage space.

This is looking down the hallway from the 2nd room. The master bedroom is at the end of the hall.
There is also a huge closet in the hall. I have no storage space in my apartment, so I am not sure what I will do with all this storage space I will be getting.

This is the master bedroom:
I am not a huge fan of the carpet, but S likes it and says it adds character to the room. There is a built in vanity that is great. I just love all the built in shelves, etc that are in the house.

Here is the kitchen:
Most would think this is a small kitchen, but again, the apartment I am in now has literally no kitchen. The little space between the sink and the stove is all the counter space I have now. And there is tons of cabinets for storage.

This is the utility room off the kitchen that leads to the garage:
Hopefully within a couple of months I will be able to buy a washer/dryer. It will be so nice having a washer and dryer again.

This is the view into the garage:
It's not a huge garage, but will surely fit whatever car I end up getting. I can't wait to have a garage again. S is very jealous of the fact that I will have a garage.

As we were leaving the house the lady said, "well, looks like I need to take the For Rent sign down". You have no idea how happy I am.

It was a great day and I can't wait to get this moving thing going. As we were driving to the town S and I were talking and she was worried about me moving away form the only town I have lived in. I explained to her that I feel lonely when I am in KC and I need to be where she is because whenever she is there I am never lonely. I am so in love with her.

Here is something funny. S has been feeding a stray cat for about six months. I have been joking with her that this really is her cat and eventually the cat will be inside. Look what I found when I got to her house today:

Elizabeth goes in tomorrow to have her shots and to be fixed. And yet another thing that makes me love S even more. :)

Friday, February 06, 2009


Today the claims adjuster came out to my office so I could sign the check for the car. I am not sure what I was expecting, but the guy was actually really nice. I know claims adjusters have a bad rap, but my adjuster seems to be a nice guy. He told me that the guy that hit me admitted that he was not paying attention and was distracted. I was a little surprised that he told me this, but I also think it's very clear that the wreck was completely his fault. He even shared with me that his 11 year old twin boys have Cystic Fibrous. We also talked about my claim for the personal injury and the how that process will work. I was really surprised at how our entire interaction went.

The best part of today......By signing the check I have no more ties to Laura. I feel like I should celebrate. I have been waiting for this day since March 7, 2007. I don't hate Laura and I know we had some really good times, but it feels so damn good knowing that we are no longer connected to each other.

As I get ready to leave my current job, I can't help but think about where I was when I started in May 2007. I am not sure if I have ever shared this, but a week before I started my job I sat in my living room with an entire bottle of sleeping pills and tried to find a reason why I should not just end it all. I had even called Laura's parents asking them if they could watch Sophie for a day because I didn't want her there when I killed myself. Thankfully they said they couldn't watch her. As I sat there I heard s small voice and I decided to call one of my friends. She came right over and talked with me and helped me come up with a plan of how I was going to address all the problems I had. I am so thankful for that friend and the fact that I didn't give up that night. I also believe that my job and those I work with saved my life. A couple of my co-workers have become my closest friends and I can't imagine my life without them. It's going to be hard saying goodbye to them.

S had a rough day at work and I hate that I am 2 hours away from her. So my #2 reason why I am so glad I am moving....I can give my girl a hug when she is having a bad day.

Thursday, February 05, 2009

Reason #1

My apartment building is on a hill and my apartment is on the bottom level and I have to take the steps each time I leave or walk Sophie. I am convinced these stairs are evil.

I have fallen many times, the most recent time I about broke my ankle. In the winter they are slick and when it rains they are very slick. If it's raining there is always water pouring down them and when it snows it usually turns into a sheet of ice. My apartment complex is usually pretty good about clearing them when there is snow or ice on them, but I still find them extremely dangerous.

This morning Sophie was very excited to go for her morning walk. As we headed up the stairs she took off running and the next thing I know she tripped and smashed her head right onto one of the cement steps. Hearing her head hit the step was so horrible and it scared the both of us. When I got up to her she was just laying there and had a little bit of blood coming out of her nose. I tried to look her over, but she wanted up and to continue our walk. She seemed to be fine and when we got back to the apartment I looked over her well and there was no more blood and her mouth/teeth seemed fine. She didn't seem to have a bump on her head and her eyes seemed fine.

As I sat at work this morning I kept worrying about her. I wondered if maybe she had a concussion since she hit the step so hard. I decided at lunch to go home and check on her and thankfully she is just fine. She still kind of looks out of it and I will continue to keep an eye on her. I am so thankful that she was not seriously hurt.

As I begin the process of moving I am going to start a list of why I am glad I am moving. Today's post is reason #1 why I am glad we are moving....there are no stairs in our new home.

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Sick Baby

My poor Ben is not feeling well.

When I got home Ben was in my bed and under the covers. This is a common thing so I didn't think too much about it. But he usually comes out within a few minutes of me being home, but tonight he stayed under there for 2 hours and only came out because I pulled the covers back to see what was going on. He came and sat on my lap and I noticed that he had a watery eye. Poor guy has a cold. I am going to keep an eye on him for the next day or so and if he doesn't get better then off to the vet we go. I think this picture shows how he really doesn't feel well.

5 weeks from tomorrow will be my last day at my job. As excited as I am to be moving onto a new part of my life and something I have dreamed about my whole life, it's going to be really hard to say goodbye to so many people that have become my friends. It's going to be really hard.


Five weeks from Friday this will be my new home. The couple that are renting it called me this morning and said all my references were wonderful and they would love to rent me the house. Yay!! They are also being wonderful because they are going to hold the house for me until I move.

I knew the minute I pulled up to this house that I belonged here. It's amazing how everything has worked out so perfectly for me to move closer to S. I am a planner and I could not have planned the way things are just working out for me and S.

This house is wonderful because it has wonderful, big windows in the front for Sophie and the cats to look out. Sophie can bark all she wants without any worries of an upstairs neighbor that hates dogs.

On Sunday S and I are going to the house to take another look at the inside and I will take some pictures. I can't wait for this new chapter of my life to start.

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Thanks for the ride Lulu

Lulu looked so sad at the lot today. They wouldn't let me on the lot, instead they used a fork lift to bring her up to the front where I could get my belongings out. I hated seeing her on the fork lift and then being dropped right in front of me. I know it's just a car, but I loved Lulu and I will miss driving my Honda. When they first brought the car up I was shocked at how bad the back of the car looked. I am very lucky I was able to walk away from the wreck without more serious injuries. Lulu did a good job in protecting me.

I was able to get all my belongings out; even the stuff from the trunk. I was kind of worried about the stuff in the trunk since it was so smashed up. I was even able to pull this off the car:

One of the things that I really wanted to get was Brady's collar. The day I put him to sleep I put his collar around my gear shift and I never moved it. I was happy that it was still there.

Today has been a long day. Two doctors appointments, an appointment with an attorney (more on that later) and then saying goodbye to Lulu. I think I need a nap.

Monday, February 02, 2009

This & That

Last night when I was driving home there was a car in front of me that had a TV screen in the back seat and I was amazed at how clear the picture was. I could tell they were watching some sort of music video and I was just shocked at how clear the picture was. It was almost distracting. Anyway, I tried to take a picture (not the best thing for someone that was just involved in a car accident) and this is the picture I got. I thought it was pretty cool and one of my new favorite pictures.

Tomorrow I am taking the day off work because I have 2 doctors appointments, an appointment with an attorney that will hopefully help me with a case against the person that hit me and then I need to go get my stuff out of LuLu. I know it will be sad to see her again because I am still so upset about the accident. I loved my Honda so much and tried to take such good care of it. I worked really hard the last two years so I could keep the car. Laura worked really hard to get me to let her have the car, but I told her I would do anything so I wouldn't have to give up the car.

The first thing I thought about when I realized I had been hit was, "I have no idea what I am going to do for a car." Now that a week has passed since the wreck I am realizing that this wreck has probably been a huge blessing. First of all, I will be completely free of any ties to Laura. You have no idea how wonderful it feels knowing that I never have to talk to her again. After I talked with her last Sunday to tell her about the car I decided that I would let the claims adjuster deal with her. I really feel like I am able to start my new life with S free and clear of my past with Laura.

So, I am loving my rental car. It's a 2009 Ford Focus and it only had 50 miles on it when I picked it up. The best part: the satellite radio. I am totally loving the 80s station. I can't get enough of my 80s music. Last night while I was driving home I listened to Casey Kasem's Top 40 from January 1984. Once my finances are settled and a little bit more stable I may need to invest in satellite radio for my car.

I will probably have until the beginning of next week to find a car. I am going to wait until the very last minute to buy a new car. I have already been approved at one place and I am still deciding what car I want. They do have 2 very cute Volkswagen Bugs, but right now they may be a little bit out of my budget. If I could get them to come down just a little bit then I would take it in a heartbeat. One of them is Silver and the other is Green.

I am still waiting to hear from the people that are renting out the cute little stone house that I love. S and I drove past it again yesterday and I just feel like it is home. I feel real strong about the energy you sent out into the universe is what you get back. When I went in for my job interview I went in like it was already my job and I believe that is part of the reason I got the job. So I am just not worrying and already thinking of when I move into the little stone house.

Thank you all for all your wonderful comments. I love hearing from all my readers that don't comment that often. I love hearing from all of you and I am so thankful that there are so many of you that want to follow me on this journey.

Did You Make It?

Hi Everyone. Just checking to make sure everyone made it. Leave me a comment and let me know that you have arrived safely.

Thank you all for wanting to follow me on this journey of mine. The next six weeks will bring lots of changes in my life and I really can't wait for it all to get started.

Thanks for hanging in there with me.

Going into Hiding


I've decided to make my blog private. I knew I was going to make my blog private when I moved, but now that I am dealing with the car stuff (and legal stuff surrounding the wreck) I think I would feel more comfortable if I knew who was reading my blog and not having all the details out there for anyone to read.

Please leave me a comment with your email address so I can get you added to the list. You can also email me (, but I would prefer you leave a comment with your email.

I hope you guys will understand why I need to go into hiding for right now. I will be making my blog private probably next Monday.

You guys totally rock and I appreciate all the kindness you guys have shown me.

Sunday, February 01, 2009

I Love My Life

Today was a very good day. I drove up and spent the day with S and we enjoyed a drive in the country and we also spent some time in my soon-to-be hometown. I feel so at home there and know this is where I belong right now. I can't believe my dream of living in the country will come true in just about six weeks. The icing on the cake is the fact that the woman I love and want to spend the rest of my life will be just 40 minutes away.

One of the things that both S and I love doing is looking at old churches. We came across this church that really was in the middle of nowhere and it was just beautiful. I love how S knows so much about all these old churches and knows where the most beautiful ones are. Even though I still have a problem with organized religion, I somehow feel closer to God when I am standing in front of a beautiful church. As I stood there today I looked up and thanked God for seeing me through the car wreck last week and for continuing to give me strength when I think I have none. The elders that told me God would no longer love me when I was disfellowshipped had no idea what they were talking about. Not only has God continued to love me, but I feel that through all the struggles I have gone through He has proved them completely wrong and pulled me in closer to Him.

The past six months with S has also shown me how much God has blessed me. When Laura left me I felt I did not deserve to be loved and there must be something wrong with me. The last six months I have realized that not only do I deserve love, but I deserve the best and S certainly is the best of the best. I now know that Laura was not good for me and the break up was a way to get me to the love that I do deserve.

S loves me exactly the way I am. Not only does she love all my good traits, but she understands my struggles and even embraces them. Most of the time when I am struggling with something I don't even have to say anything to her, she just knows. When I feel disappointed in myself she reminds me that I am OK exactly the way I am.

I know that no matter what happens in my life, everything will be OK. I have gone through a lot to get to this point and the peace of mind I feel is something I have never felt before.

I love my life.