Wednesday, December 31, 2008
2008 was very good to me. Not only did I personally grow in so many ways, but I found this amazing woman to spend my life with. I heard this song a few days ago and it describes how I feel about S coming into my life. She has been one of the best surprises this year. It is amazing how much her love has helped heal my heart; not only from Laura, but also from my family. I know S is my family now and when I am with her I don't feel like there is anything missing. I am so lucky to have her in my life.
There are going to be many changes in the next year, but I am so excited for each of these changes. I know that this year will bring me living closer to S and hopefully we will be in our own home this time next year. I can't wait until she is the last thing I see before I go to bed each night and the first thing I see every morning. I am not sure how life could get any better.
I would also like to thank all of you that come back here each day to read my blog. I have met so many wonderful people from my blog and each of your comments of support and love have helped me through so many hard times. Yes 2008 was a good year, but I did have a few rough patches and having you guys there on my side made those bad moments seem not so overwhelming.
I put together a set of pictures from 2008. It's kind of fun to see all that I did this past year through pictures. You can see them HERE.
I hope everyone has a safe and wonderful New Year. See you next year!!!
Monday, December 29, 2008
S and I have a lot of decisions to make in the next 8 months. Neither of us have any doubt as to what we want, but any kind of change causes a little bit of stress. I look forward to the day when we are all settled in a home of our own and the biggest decision is whose turn it is to change the cat litter. :)
I did have a couple things that irritated me today. When I got to work today I told one person about my x-mas and the houses that S likes and this person said, "I think a typical heterosexual relationship you are told you should wait a year before making any permanent decisions together. Well, you and S are closer to 6 months then one year."
Then I had another person tell me as they were walking out for a meeting, "You and I will discuss this later."
OK, first of all I am not a child. I do not need to discuss my personal life with anyone. Yes S and I are still new in our relationship, but I think it's good to talk about what we want in the future. I love sitting and talking with her about what our future will look like.
Second of all, no one can tell someone else how long is an appropriate time to date before moving on to the next phase. Yes, I made a huge mistake a year ago, but I have learned from that. From the very beginning S and I have been committed to taking things slow and building a solid foundation for our relationship. I think we are doing a great job of that and both of us feel comfortable in how we are handling our relationship. In the end, all that matters is that both S and I feel OK with things. We are both very happy with our relationship and know how lucky we are to have found each other.
When you know....you just know.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
S and I were suppose to get together this weekend, but we are getting freezing rain. This just really sucks. I guess things could be worse...she could be thousands of miles away and I could only see her a few times a year. I will say that the one thing we have both realized is how much we want to be able to see each other every day. I can't wait for 2009.
Here was Ben's reaction when I told him he would not see S this weekend:
He was so upset and didn't want anyone to see him crying.
Is it spring yet?
Thursday, December 25, 2008
After hanging out for a while at her house we decided to go for a drive. S wanted to show me a couple houses that are a lot closer to her work and where she could have some acreage. She is looking into moving sometime this summer, probably around August. Oh, and guess when the lease ends for my apartment...yea August. :)
S was so wonderful to not only me, but the babies as well. I was sent home with a present for each of them, prime rib for Sophie and shrimp for the cats. I love how she loves all of us.
My life is so good right now. I have no idea what I did to deserve S, but hopefully she will let me spend the rest of my life showing how thankful I am for all she does.
Christmas 2008 is one Christmas I will never forget.
(If you click on the picture you can see all my pictures from today)
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
*My wonderful, beautiful, smart, kind S. Not only has she made me incredibly happy, but she has taught me what a healthy relationship looks like. I hope to spend the rest of my life with her. Like she said, "2009 will be our year" and I can't wait to get it started.
*My friends. I have so many people in my life that are there for me when I need to talk, vent or cry. My friends are my family.
*Sophie, Ben and Bonk. I don't know what I would do without my furry kids.
*My job. I am so happy that I have a job that I love and provides for me. Plus I work with some really cool people.
*My cozy apartment. It may be small, but it's exactly what I need right now.
I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas. I will be spending the day with S at her house and then we will be going out to dinner. It's been 12 days since I have seen her and we both agreed that that is too long.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Merry Christmas Lulu.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Last night it got really quiet and when I went to see where Sophie was this is what I found:
She now loves her bed and that is the only place she will sleep. I am so happy that she finally likes it.
Ben has found the warmest place to sleep in the house:
When I first got Ben he was just a tiny kitten and I would wrap him in blankets to keep him warm. I think this is part of the reason he loves to sleep completely covered up.
Is everyone ready for Christmas? I cannot wait until Thursday.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
So yes, it's very cold here. I have been having a really hard time walking Sophie. She loves the cooler temperatures as well and doesn't understand why we can't go on long walks like we usually do. Friday night I lost my gloves and couldn't find them anywhere. After walking Sophie for a day without them I decided at 9pm last night that I had to have a pair. Of course I found my gloves this morning, but I guess it is good to have more then one pair. Today it's sunny, but don't let the sunshine fool you.....it's freezing out there.
My throat has been scratchy the last couple of days and I have been sneezing a whole lot. I think part of the problem is the air is soo dry, so I went out this morning and bought a humidifier. I am hoping that helps because I really don't want to be getting sick.
This is only the second weekend since August where S and I have not seen each other. We were both saying last night that this will be the first and last winter where we are so far away from each other. She told me last night that 2009 will be our year. I couldn't agree more. I can't wait until I can see her on Thursday. I miss her so much.
Here's a cool thing....S's brother works for MTV and I was just watching a show and saw his name on the credits. How cool is that?
Saturday, December 20, 2008
It's really cold here and it's suppose to get really cold tomorrow with highs in the single digits. S and I decided it was just too cold to get out there so we will not see each other this weekend. :( Until we move closer, I am only going to wish for warm sunny days. After we live closer it can snow all it wants to.
My cat Bonk has decided that after 21 years she likes to cuddle. She is always on my lap and as I type this she is trying to figure out how to get to my lap with the laptop there. Three nights ago I woke up to her licking my face. Then two nights ago she started sleeping right by my head. The cool thing is she is letting me put my face right by her face. Listening to a cat purr is so calming and relaxing.
Today I finished my shopping for S. I was having a hard time finding something, but after just a few minutes in World Market I found the perfect thing. I am going up to S's house on Christmas, but we are not exchanging gifts until next weekend when she will be here for the weekend.
Since I started celebrating the holidays (about 5 years ago) I have always felt like something was missing. Even when I was with Laura and things seemed really good I always had this part of myself that felt empty. As I was driving home from work the other night I realized that this is the first year where I don't feel like something is missing. I am happy and in love. Does it get any better then this?
Friday, December 19, 2008
Thursday, December 18, 2008
I still have cravings for a cigarette and look forward to the day when I don't even think about it. Just this past week I started coughing again at night, so I don't know if my body is still trying to get out all the poisons I had inhaled. I figured that since I quit smoking I have smoked 2100 less cigarettes. Every time I do these calculations I am just shocked at how much I smoked.
We are suppose to be getting some nasty weather this afternoon and tonight. They are calling for freezing rain, but I wonder if we will actually get that. It has warmed up the last couple of days, so I am hoping that it will be warm enough to just be rain. I don't know what it is, but this year the cold has really been bothering me. It takes me hours to warm up when I get home and I usually end up taking a hot bath just to get warm. I wonder if being so cold this year has anything to do with quitting smoking.
I am really hoping that the weather doesn't get too bad. S and I are suppose to get together this weekend and it would totally suck if we couldn't because of the weather. Not being able to see S during the week really makes the weekends precious. Speaking of my sweetheart, this is my new favorite song. This song really makes me think of S and how incredibly happy she makes me. And yes, it's OK if you laugh at me for liking this song. My co-workers have already made fun of me.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
This morning when I got to work I called S to make sure that she had made it to work early and she kind of laughed at me and said, "I grew up in Minnesota....this is nothing."
A few weeks ago I found these at Walmart:
I don't know if it's just me, but the Coke tastes better in these little bottles.
I am still trying to figure out what to get S for Christmas. I wish I had enough money where I could surprise her with a weekend away somewhere. A few days somewhere warm with just me and S would be absolutely wonderful.
It's nights like this that I wish S and I lived closer. This is perfect cuddling weather.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Yesterday evening we got some freezing rain/sleet and it made looking outside at my decorations kind of pretty. We are suppose to get some snow tomorrow and that makes me happy. I have decided that I don't want any snow on the weekends because if it snows then I most likely would not be able to see S.
Speaking of S....it is amazing how I continue to fall more in love with her. She tells me everyday how she wishes we lived closer and how we will have to do something about this distance between us this summer. I agree completely. Even if we don't' move in with each other, we need to live closer to each other. I can't wait until her face is the last thing I see before I go to sleep and the first thing I see every morning.
Hope everyone has a great Monday and stays warm.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Saturday, December 13, 2008
S and I were able to spend the entire afternoon together and it was wonderful. I hate saying goodbye to her and we both said how we look forward to one day sharing a home. I have this feeling that it will be sooner then later.
When S's Mom found out she was going to see me today she sent this little package for me:
Homemade caramels and fudge. My life just keeps getting better.
*Sophie spent 30 minutes laying on her bed and seemed very happy.
*I got all my laundry done including the sheets. Is there anything better then clean sheets?
*I got take out from Applebees and enjoyed it while I watched a movie.
*The moon was gorgeous tonight.
*S surprised me and said she will need a break from studying tomorrow and wanted to know if I wanted to get together for a little while. I told her she will never have to ask me if I want to see her because the answer will always be yes.
*I had 2 Coronas in the fridge that were perfectly cold.
*Seeing all the Christmas lights while I was walking Sophie. I love this time of year.
*Taking a few minutes today to wash my car. I love having a clean car.
*Having a cat that loves to snuggle and one that is learning how to snuggle at the young age of 21.
I hope your Friday night was as good as mine.
Friday, December 12, 2008
I was at Costco on Thursday and decided to finally buy Sophie a new bed. Right after we moved Sophie tore apart her old bed and I never went and got a new one. Her other bed she got for Christmas four years ago and immediately loved it. I didn't think there would be a problem. Here is Sophie's reaction to the new bed:
She won't go near it. Last night I made her get on the bed and as soon as I turned away she ran off the bed. I don't thinks he likes it. I am hoping that maybe she will give it a try in a few days.I think she may be a little spoiled. :)
Here are some new pictures I took of Sophie:
I love the way they turned out.
I was suppose to get together with S this weekend, but she has a final on Monday and needs to study. I told her she could bring her books with her this weekend and study, but she said she wouldn't get any studying done if she was here. She's probably right.
I stopped and rented 3 movies and have decided that I am doing nothing all weekend long. A few weeks ago I watched Michael Moore's Bowling for Columbine and Fahrenheit 9-11 and was left speechless. Tonight I am going to watch Sicko and I am on the search for Roger & Me. I know he is very controversial, but if you think about it he does have some really good points.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
I had a lot of time to think yesterday when I was in the car and I realized how lucky I am. Yes things are a little tight financially but really when I think about it I have everything I need. I have a roof over my head, food in my cabinets, a job where I feel appreciated, 3 wonderful furry kids and an amazing woman to share all of this with.
Today marks 4 months since S and I have been seeing each other. I went back and looked through some of my old blog posts from when we first started seeing each other and I knew from the very beginning that she was the one. We have had some really good times in the last 4 months, but we have also had to work through some difficult times. I love that when we do have difficult times I know that by communicating with each other and being honest with each other it just makes our relationship even better and stronger. I feel that by taking things slow and not rushing into anything we are building a solid foundation that will sustain us through the years.
Before S I was never a person that wanted to call my other half my wife. I was always just happy with using the term partner or significant other. But things are different with S and I want her to be my wife and I want to be her wife.
Loving someone and letting them love you is a scary thing. I have learned in the last 4 months that it is really scary to let someone in when you have been hurt so badly in the past. But I have also learned that by allowing S in and trusting her I have felt more loved then I ever have in my entire life.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Sophie loves the snow so much that she got me up at 2am to go outside. She didn't go to the bathroom she just walked in it. I do love how much she loves the snow. Lynilu suggested I take her to a dog park where she can run and roll in the snow. There is a dog park about 10 minutes from my house so I think I will take her there the next time we get snow. The snow we got yesterday will probably be melted by tomorrow. This morning it was so cold and since I don't live in the best neighborhood I can't just start my car and go back inside. I waited outside the whole time and it was c.o.l.d. I will still take a really cold day over a really hot day.
This morning when I got to work one of my techs asked why I was at work. I kind of looked at her with this weird look and she said, "It's Gay Day and all gay people were suppose to call in sick to protest Prop 8." I had heard about today but completely forgot. I am not sure if I would have called in anyway. I guess that makes me a bad gay.
For the first time in months I have no tech positions open. Usually I don't have problems filling my open positions, but I sure did this time. It feels good to finally have a full staff. Now I just need to finish up my tech evaluations. I am a little behind and need to complete 7 by the end of the year. Gasp!! I think I will just shut myself in my office one day to complete them.
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Sophie was so excited about the snow and I swear she was smiling when we went for our walk. I need to find a pair of boots so I can take Sophie for really long walks in the snow. I haven't owned a pair of boots in so long so I would have no idea where to start looking for a pair.
S asked me the following question this weekend and I would love to know what your answers would be:
If you were stranded on a island and your food, clothing and shelter were taken care of, what 5 items would you take with you?
Monday, December 08, 2008
I spent the weekend with S and it was a nice weekend. Even though we are only 2 hours away from each other, it still feels like a long distance relationship at times. We have realized that sometimes things get misunderstood when we talk on the phone and we just do so much better when we are together in person. We talked a lot this weekend about how to deal with the distance because right now it will be at least August until we are either living with each other or living closer. We really needed this past weekend to just be with each other and reconnect and we both agreed that spending that time to reconnect needs to be a priority.
S is a very private person. I don't think she understands this whole blog thing and she has asked how I can put so much out there for anyone to read. I had a friend tell me a few months ago that I share more on this blog then I do in real life. I am working on sharing more with my friends in real life and not being so open for anyone to read. I have also been thinking about how my blog fits into my life now. I love my blog, but I am wondering if maybe I do share too much on here. I decided over the weekend that I would no longer use S's first name on here and also not put any pictures of her on here. I need to be more respectful of her privacy on here.
So let's see what else is going on....Oh, did you hear that Obama smokes or he at least has smoked in the last few months. I read about it on the Internet and couldn't tell if it was something he just recently quit doing. I will tell you, if I was president I would probably be smoking 2-3 packs a day and be in a iron lung by the end of my term. What a stressful job. When my parents first found out I was smoking my Mom was like, "You just need to quit. I quit cold turkey and I was fine." I don't think people realize how many chemicals are put into each cigarette to keep people addicted. Becoming a non-smoker is one of the hardest things I have ever done.
Hope everyone had a great weekend.
Friday, December 05, 2008
Here is Bonk checking out Sophie:
It's funny because whenever one of the pets go either to the vet or the groomer the others always sniff them like, "where in the world have you been." When we walked in Ben took one look at Sophie and ran under the bed. She really doesn't look different, but I imagine she smells differently.
When I was at Walmart tonight I noticed this for dogs:
I don't know if it's just me, but I found this kind of odd. Diet pills for dogs????
Tomorrow Susan is coming down for the weekend and that makes me happy. It will be nice being able to spend some time with her.
Have a great weekend.
Thursday, December 04, 2008
Tomorrow will be a better day.
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
Can you tell what Bonk is saying in this picture?
"This is my best side"
I can't believe she is almost 22. She can't hear at all and I think she has dementia. She meows a lot and seems to be lost most of the time. When I think that I have had Bonk since I was 14, sometimes I don't even believe it.
Here are the decorations for my office:I like fact that I chose the window cling that said "Wish Big" since last year at this time I was hoping, wishing and praying that I would find love this year. Wishes do come true.
I like how this picture turned out
I may need to frame this one.
For the last couple of days they have been talking about the storm that was suppose to come in today and give us ice/snow. I hate how they get everyone worked up and then we just get flurries. Wouldn't it be nice if you had a job where you could be wrong 90% of the time and you still get to keep your job. I've been watching the weather for the weekend and there is one station in KC that is calling for snow, while the other 3 (plus the Weather Channel) are saying it will be clear, sunny and 45 degrees. How can their forecasts be so different?
Well, it's Wednesday and that means one more day closer to the weekend. It's been 3 weeks since Susan and I have been able to spend a whole weekend together. I want to plan something special since we will be celebrating her Birthday. I imagine whatever we end up doing it will be fun. Let's just hope that one station isn't right about the snow.
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
When I quit last spring it seemed so easy. Yes I had some hard times, but this time the first few weeks were really hard. I think the fact that I was in a relationship this time made a big difference. I know that first week I was horrible to be around and pretty much a mess emotionally. Six days after I quit Susan and I were suppose to get together and she had to cancel and I sat in my office and cried for a couple hours. I am thankful that she hung in there and stuck with me through it.
As of today I have smoked 1500 less cigarettes and saved more then $200. 1500 cigarettes...that is a lot. I still have days where I would love to have a cigarette, but all I have to do is think back to those first few days when I quit and I never want to go through that again.
Monday, December 01, 2008
Since Susan would kill me if I put her age on here, I am calling this her 21st birthday. So here are 21 things about her:
1. I love how when we hold hands she puts her other hand on top of mine.
2. She loves all kinds of music except country. Every time I pull out a CD that I have made her first question is, "Is there any country on it?"
3. Her favorite Christmas movie is It's a Wonderful Life.
4. Her favorite channel is Turner Classic Movies.
5. She does not like snow or winter.
6. She claims she doesn't have any pets, but there is a neighborhood cat and dog that come by several times a day to be fed. She feeds the dog (who she has named Winn Dixie) hot dogs and she feeds the cat chicken. The dog has even started bringing other dogs with him.
7. She is the most beautiful woman; inside and out.
8. She is a wonderful aunt and allowed her 12 year old nephew to have the TV on the entire weekend to Nickelodeon and The Disney Channel.
9. She is really smart.
10. She loves it when I tell her stories; whether made up or real ones.
11. She spoils my pets and loves them about as much as I do.
12. When she was growing up she had a horse names Princess that she would ride everyday.
13. She has one of the best work ethics of anyone I know.
14. Her Mom is her best friend.
15. She feels naked if she is not wearing earnings.
16. She loves movies and TV shows that have a prison theme.
17. She is happiest when she is home.
18. She loves chocolate and pizza.
19. She once bought an old church and lived in it for 2 years.
20. She loves everything British.
21. She has the best laugh and I love it when I make her laugh so hard she can't stop.
A year ago today I was feeling completely lost in the world and had no idea where my life was going. Four months ago Susan came into my life and everything makes sense now. I really don't know how I managed 35 years without her, but now that she is here I never want to let her go.
I love you Susan and I really hope this is your best birthday yet.
It took me 2 1/2 hours to get to where Susan works (which BTW, is literally in the middle of nowhere) and I only got to spend 45 minutes with her, but it was worth it when she leaned over and kissed me and said, "This has been my best birthday ever."