On Sunday S and I went for a drive and we came upon this old church. I have this new love for old churches/school houses and barns. I get all giddy when I think about how one day very soon I will see many barns and old buildings as I go to work.
The last 3 nights I have had some very interesting dreams. I really think my mind is trying to clear some things up before starting my new life with S. I have had dreams about the crazy woman that I moved in with for 2 weeks and several regarding my family and the church. The dreams about MG I show up at her house and the whole time I am wondering what happened to my life because things were so good and I don't understand why I am back with her.
The dreams about the church and my family have been a little more emotional. The first one I showed up at the church and everyone just kind of looked at me and then started yelling at me. Then the second one it was like I was in group therapy with someone from the church and my Mom's sister who was like a second Mom to me. I was telling the group how hard it was when I would run into my family at the store and they would not acknowledge me or when I would run into my Mom at the store, tell her I love her and she would walk away. (all of these things have happened) This other person from the church got up and hugged me and told me how sorry she was that I had to go through that. My aunt...she just sat there with no emotion. It was all very strange and sad at the same time.
There are going to be a lot of changes in the next few months and even though they are all good changes, there will still be some stress. I have sent out 5 resumes so far and heard from 2 places that say they are really interested in considering me for the position and I will be hearing from them in the next week. All of this is good, but last night I realized that I could be moving in the next couple of months. As excited as I am (and I am very excited), it is also a little scary. I talked to S last night and she did a wonderful job in calming me down and reminding me that I am not going to go through this by myself. All she had to say was, "You have me now and we are family" and I was calmed down. I have had many people in my life say that I will not be alone, but when S says it I actually hear her and believe what she is saying me. I know that I will never be alone and she will be right there beside me.
I have this feeling that by my birthday (late May) my life is going to be completely different and I will actually be living my dream of having a little house on the prairie. And the best part...I have the best girl in the world to share this adventure with.