Wednesday, January 07, 2009


On Sunday S and I went for a drive and we came upon this old church. I have this new love for old churches/school houses and barns. I get all giddy when I think about how one day very soon I will see many barns and old buildings as I go to work.

The last 3 nights I have had some very interesting dreams. I really think my mind is trying to clear some things up before starting my new life with S. I have had dreams about the crazy woman that I moved in with for 2 weeks and several regarding my family and the church. The dreams about MG I show up at her house and the whole time I am wondering what happened to my life because things were so good and I don't understand why I am back with her.

The dreams about the church and my family have been a little more emotional. The first one I showed up at the church and everyone just kind of looked at me and then started yelling at me. Then the second one it was like I was in group therapy with someone from the church and my Mom's sister who was like a second Mom to me. I was telling the group how hard it was when I would run into my family at the store and they would not acknowledge me or when I would run into my Mom at the store, tell her I love her and she would walk away. (all of these things have happened) This other person from the church got up and hugged me and told me how sorry she was that I had to go through that. My aunt...she just sat there with no emotion. It was all very strange and sad at the same time.

There are going to be a lot of changes in the next few months and even though they are all good changes, there will still be some stress. I have sent out 5 resumes so far and heard from 2 places that say they are really interested in considering me for the position and I will be hearing from them in the next week. All of this is good, but last night I realized that I could be moving in the next couple of months. As excited as I am (and I am very excited), it is also a little scary. I talked to S last night and she did a wonderful job in calming me down and reminding me that I am not going to go through this by myself. All she had to say was, "You have me now and we are family" and I was calmed down. I have had many people in my life say that I will not be alone, but when S says it I actually hear her and believe what she is saying me. I know that I will never be alone and she will be right there beside me.

I have this feeling that by my birthday (late May) my life is going to be completely different and I will actually be living my dream of having a little house on the prairie. And the best part...I have the best girl in the world to share this adventure with.


amy h said...

Caroline, that is excellent that you are already having bites on your resume in this economy! Good for you.

Sometimes old churches go up for sale and get remodeled to live in, if you love those kinds of old buildings. :) I know of one for sale now, but it is down south here.

Chris and I just drove around looking at some neighborhoods, and I don't know if I could do the rural thing. Maybe, maybe not. We were looking in Smithville.

I think your dreams may show some anxiety about being betrayed by those you trusted. I truly hope you've found someone who will treat your trust with respect!

Monogram Queen said...

I love old churches & barns too. You & S should visit the PA Dutch Country sometime. You'd love it!

I dreamed last night that Stacy won the lottery (first time i've ever dreamed it although i've day-dreamed it a LOT) and he bought me a Dodge Charger. Is it a sign?....

Caroline said...

amy--i am excited about the bites on my resume..i thought with this economy it would be a lot longer. i just hope it turns out to be something that i would enjoy doing.

patti--love your dream. maybe it is a sign...if it is..don't forget about your blogger friends. :)

J said...

Thank you for your comment today. If you click back, you will notice that the header has been changed!
We, too, believe in the power of positive thinking. Thanks for noticing!

Caroline said...

j--i am so glad you commented...after i left that comment i wondered if maybe i shoudln't have said that. i know 2009 is going to be the year for you guys.

Bobbie said...

Love the picture. If you read the blog you know that we are having yucky weather your picture of the church makes me so jealous how many days till spring. I am glad you are getting hits and looking forward to your future life. 2009 is going to be my year for letting old hurts go and more postive thinking also.

Caroline said...

bobbie--i can't get to your blog. can you send me the link? sounds like you have a great attitude for the new year.

Bobbie said... redfrogs blog

Caroline said...

bobbie--thanks..i will go check it out now