Thursday, October 02, 2008

Confession

OK, I have a confession to make. I have not shared this on my blog because I am not proud of it, but here goes.

As many of you know I quit smoking in April and went 78 days without smoking. Something really stressful happened on June 24 and I started smoking again. I smoked for a couple days and then quit again for a week. But I was really struggling because I was still pretty stressed and ended up just giving up and smoking. I have known that I need to quit for some time now and when I met Susan my determination was at an all time high. When we were first talking she said that she thought I was a non-smoker and probably would have never sent that first email if she knew I was a smoker. To think of her not in my life really made me realize that I need to quit..and sooner then later. Susan does not like that I smoke and every time I would come in from smoking she would acknowledge that she could smell the smoke. I hate the fact that she associated Marlboro Lights with me. The first weekend she stayed at my house I could still smell her on the pillows and I realized that I probably only smell like smoke. And honestly, how romantic is that?

But I am not just doing this for Susan. I am doing this for myself first and foremost. My breathing has become bad again and I am waking up a lot at night coughing. Walking Sophie is not as fun because I always seem to be out of breathe. When Susan and I are laying in bed I can hear myself wheezing and I hate that.

So here I go again. Feel free to leave me an encouraging comment. I think I need all the encouragement I can get right now.

So far I have 2 hours as a non-smoker. Here's for forever being a non-smoker.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Caroline forget about the past effort to quit and start all over again. This time you have more than your health to benefit...you have Susan too. YOU CAN DO IT !!!

Ruth

amy h said...

Keep working at it! It's not easy, but it's so important that you are trying.

redfrog27 said...

You can do it how about Chantex. Most insurances cover it and work places will help cover cession aids also. You can do it.

Lynilu said...

Good for you. Never look back, as Ruth advises. Just look the the happy future. :)

fern said...

Luckily every moment is a new beginning!! You can do it! :)

Arial Ray said...

You can do it!

MJ said...

I know you can do it. I'm proud of you for starting it's the first step to stopping for a long time.

Julie said...

My dad has struggled with this and so I KNOW how hard it is, but I also just KNOW you can do it.

Teaberry said...

I used Chantix, and it totally worked! I was a heavy smoker but was able to effortlessly quit. It was amazing, seriously.... The thing that scared me most was the idea of not smoking again, but it didn't seem to matter with the Chantix. It was like, one day I said, "Well, I guess I won't smoke anymore." And it was that simple. Gee, I sound like I work for them. I totally don't, btw... but, I would say this to anyone about this pill. It's unreal. I bet it would work for you.

Monogram Queen said...

Yep what Ruth said - you CAN do it! My parents both quit after over 50 years of smoking so...... GO CAROLINE!

beans said...

We're all pulling for you here in PA!

Keep up the good work--!