Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Only Time Will tell

As I was driving up to see Susan on Saturday we had the most beautiful sunset. Kansas City has had such a mild summer with only a few days where it was really hot. I can handle a summer where the highs are in the 80s and the lows are in the 50s. I haven't been to the pool in a month and probably won't go again this year. Early in the summer MJ and I decided to have a contest to see who could get the most tan. She started out already tan and I got pretty close, but I think she will be the winner. So, MJ I guess you should decide where you want to go for your victory dinner.

Susan is planning on coming down to stay with me for the holiday weekend. I think we are going to go on a picnic one day; which is something I haven't done in years. There's just something so romantic about a picnic. This morning I picked up the shirt that I wore when I saw her last and I could still smell her perfume. Looks like I won't be washing that shirt until this weekend.

Some of my friends have expressed some concern and want to make sure that I take things really slow. I understand their concern because of what happened last fall. I have always worried about what people think of me, so when my friends come to me saying they are concerned it makes me feel like I am doing something wrong. Then when I feel like I am doing something wrong I usually feel that maybe I don't deserve something. I know that I still struggle a lot with these feelings and it's something that I am continuing to work on. It is a nice feeling knowing I have so many people that do care for me.

I know my relationship with Susan is still really new, but I can't seem to communicate this feeling I have inside. I know my heart has been wrong before, but I have this deep down feeling that my heart is not wrong this time and that this is it. I guess now only time will tell.


Fern said...

Take it slow or dive right in! You're not rebounding, and you can take it at whatever pace feels right to you. I too feel like I must be doing something wrong if someone questions me or cautions me. I hate being like this! But everyone just wants you to be happy, and "oh, take it slow, be careful," is what everyone tells people they care about when they start to fall in love. It's just like "bless you!" after someone sneezes. Or "careful!" when a kid starts walking down a flight of stairs.

Have fun! You deserve it!

Renaissance Woman said...

I think your friends are only concerned and telling you to take it slow...I think that is great advice. This is the fun time...and should feel great! Just make sure that you keep your eyes wide open.

MJ said...

Trust me, I know when friends caution you about being in a relationship. I'm sure Susan will be good for you...just take the time to find out.

Lynilu said...

Fern said it well. I don't think you're rebounding or necessarily rushing things. We all want to see you happy, whatever it takes to do that. I hope this is IT, The One!! You deserve to have forever happiness, my dear friend. :)

BTW, have you noticed that the mom in me hasn't reared it's protective head this time around? :D Something MUST be right!!

redfrog27 said...

As humans we always try to protect each other to the point that we dont want our friends hurt.Going through the same thing with my son and his dating fun times. Husband told me to let him go and he will survive getting hurt. It just hard to watch

beans said...

just taking a deep breath for you-- this sounds really great, and i am glad to hear you are taking it all in and feeling all the wonderful feelings.

you have to remember that you have done a lot of growing and soul searching this last year, and hopefully you will continue to know what to do based on what feels good and honorable for you right now.

Monogram Queen said...

Just follow your heart, yes your friends are concerned but you have to do what works for you and will make you happy. Life is a risk. Every single day. Enjoy Susan to the fullest!