Monday, June 30, 2008

My Struggles

I know that I underestimate how strong I am or how resilient I am, but I have no idea how to teach myself to believe in myself and have faith that I will get through something. Why is it is easier for me to teach someone else then to take my own advice?

I also struggle with not only loving myself, but allowing others to love me. I hate that I am like this, but I really don't know how to change this. Why do I feel that everyone else deserves to be cared for and loved, but when it comes to me I feel that for some reason I don't deserve any of it. I hate hating myself. If you were to look at my insides I am sure they would be all black and blue from all the horrible things I say and do to myself.

I have a masters degree in social work and for the life of me I can't figure out why I can't apply what I tell the clients everyday to myself.

17 comments:

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Renaissance Woman said...

You need to step back for a minute and look at yourself and your life as if it were your best friends. In fact, it is...but it's so hard to be kind to ourselves. But you know what...there will always be people out there who are willing to hurt or beat us up. So you need to give yourself a break. I am also a therapist and have found seeing a therapist from time to time very helpful.

Fern said...

Oh, I hate myself too. It is very hard to extend yourself the grace you extend others.

You are good, though, Caroline. I don't know how to talk you into believing that, so all I can do is affirm it. You are good.

Mary said...

I find it so hard to love myself or even like myself. All I see is the negative, all I see is what I was told as a little girl. But we have to try and be kind to ourselves somehow. Just wish I knew how..Mary

Weary said...

Don't you get tired of feeling sorry for yourself?

redfrog27 said...

Caroline,this post has made me look at myself also and ask the same questions.I have to wonder if it was from the sexual abuse.I had the same situation although it wasnt my brother.But no one believed me and also I wonder if its cause of the issues with your mom I have issues with my mom also.Keep beleving in your self it will get better.You are a strong person

Monogram Queen said...

Caroline: "Physician - heal thyself". That is why you cannot help you, only others but you can reach out and get help. Hugs.

MJ said...

It does take work and starting is the important part. Then you just keep working from there.

Christy said...

I hate having the "I hate myself" feeling! Sucky! I can relate. Thanks for sharing.

traci said...

It is always easier to give others a break than it is to give ourselves one. We are taught (especially as Jehovah's Witnesses) that what we want and what we need is never the right thing. We are only to do what Jehovah wants and needs us to do. Period. It's not odd to me at all that you struggle with this issue on a daily basis. I do too. Peace and hugs my dear.

Julie said...

It is hard, we always think we can do better. I've gotten some great advice lately and so I'll pass it along: start changing that voice. Even if it's like 10 minutes in a whole day of berating yourself, take that 10 minutes and tell yourself you are worth it.
Another way to look at it is to see what kind of people love you. Bad people don't attract good people, so you'd be cutting US down-:)
Get it?

Teaberry said...

I guess we're always so hard on ourselves because we're really the only person who has to put up with us 24/7.... I think that renaissance woman made an interesting point about looking at ourselves from an outside perspective. I sometimes look at myself in the mirror with disgust, and I can't really figure out why all the time. But, I try to think of something nice about myself, and that can help me feel better. I guess it's a daily affirmations kind of thing. (I know, that sounds kind of cheesy, doesn't it?) But it helps me. So, maybe when you're feeling down, try to think of a positive quality about yourself. Just try it.

Once, I put post-its on the mirror!

I don't even know you and I can think of several good things about that I've seen here on the blog--

You're kind to animals. You're a good friend-- I love the Birdwatcher Sculpture. you have good taste in music. You take great photographs. You're forgiving. You haven't smoked in over 76 days, so you must be a person who can "stick with it". You're thoughtful!

So, I don't know... maybe think of some compliment you've gotten or a truth about yourself that contradicts the bad feelings when you feel down. Maybe it would help?

Lynilu said...

It is something we all struggle with. The few who don't are possibly not in touch with reality, because we all want to be loved and accepted, yet we fear others knowing our weakness.

You are actually very brave and strong. Being able to bare your inner self in this public forum. Kudos for being YOU.

Sandra said...

I'm off the wagon too, no surprise - sometimes I'm on for a few days, then off for a few days. Just like you, I'm always REALLY HAPPY when I don't smoke, so why the heck do I go out and buy more, arggghhhh! Just remember how pleased you were with yourself, and how good that felt. I'm going to try again too.

beans said...

Oh, I could relate to everything you said. I hope you don't mind, but I linked to this post on my blog today.

Hugs!

cb said...

Often its easier to help other people than help ourselves. It can sometimes be a way of avoiding what needs to be done as well.