Today is a new day.
It's been a rough week, but I am determined to get back on the wagon. Yes, I did fall off the wagon in regards to smoking. Saturday night I felt that I had no more coping skills and I went and got a pack of cigarettes. I am giving myself until Monday and then I will start again. I have some really good friends that did exactly what I needed: they challenged me in regards to me smoking again. I was not upset at them and it really did make me think about what I am capable of and what I deserve. If others can see the good in me and see all the good things I deserve then maybe I can give it a try myself. I still have my Positive Board up on my wall and I think I am going to write two things every day that I am proud of or that I like about myself.
I do want to address one of the comments I received yesterday. Someone named "weary" asked if I was tired of feeling sorry for myself. I am not sure how this person (who obviously knows very little about me) can take what I wrote yesterday as feeling sorry for myself. Each day I write things here that some of my IRL friends don't even know and I really don't appreciate someone saying that my struggle with my self-esteem and self value is feeling sorry for myself. Feeling sorry for myself would be complaining about things and not trying to change. If you knew anything about me you would know I am working my ass off on making myself and my life better. And I say once again, if you don't like what I write here then don't read. It's as simple as that.
In other news: I went to the dentist today. I had two cavities filled and one of my teeth prepared for a crown. My dentist gave me the good stuff because the entire right side of my face is numb all the way to my eye. I go back in two weeks for a cleaning and to have my crown put on and then I am done until January. I have two more crowns that I need to get, but since I have maxed out my insurance for the year, my dentist said it can wait. Since my mouth is still pretty numb it means I will be having applesauce and mashed potatoes for dinner. Actually, what sounds really good for dinner is Sonic's Island Fire Burger. Has anyone else tried this? Oh my gosh...it is so good.