I almost died last night. Literally.
MJ and I had walked this trail before and I had no problem, but last night this trail kicked my ass. I know part of the reason it was harder was because it's warmer and more humid and we walked at the end of the day. We walked for an hour and are guessing we walked 4 miles. I could not feel my legs by the time we got back to her house. Oh, and 10 minutes after we started walking I had to pee. The last 10 minutes were the hardest and this was the point where I saw my life flash before my eyes. There is this monster hill at the beginning of her subdivision and I made a joke about racing up the hill. We did run up for about a minute and then stopped. By that point I was out of breathe and really had trouble catching my breathe. At one point I felt like I was getting ready to hyperventilate, but I kept going. I probably should have stopped for a second, but I didn't want to seem like a wuss.
I have lost weight in the past, but this time seems so hard emotionally. I feel like I am finally getting to the core issues as to why I have put on weight in the last 15 years and dealing with some of these issues is not fun. This morning when I was driving to work I felt like dealing with all these emotions is like peeling an onion and the more I tear away at these issues the harder it becomes. But I am determined to do it this time and change my life.
When I started putting on weight I know it was because I was trying to protect myself. I had just married my ex-husband and I was miserable inside. Even though I was told that this was what I was suppose to do I was not happy. I pretended to be happy and the end result was the weight gain. My body does an excellent job at letting me know when things are not right; even if I may not realize it at the time. I need to learn to listen to my body more often.
For some reason I was looking through my baby book last night and I was looking at some of my early accomplishments. It was very apparent that I took my time in doing things. For example I did not sit up by myself until I was 11 months, I did not cut my first tooth until 11 months, I didn't walk until I was 18 months and I did not say my first word until I was 2. My Mom wrote an interesting thing that is my new favorite quote:
She may be slow but she is determined.
It's good to know that even at a young age I was seen as determined.
This determination that I have made me tell MJ today that even though I am exhausted and sore I will be there at 6pm to walk this trail again, and maybe even run all the way up the hill.