I took this picture last week and I have no idea what I was trying to take a picture of, but this very cool picture is the result. I used to delete all pictures that were not perfect, but I have found that usually it's the ones I hadn't planned on that are the best. And I am not sure why I love this picture, but it really reminds me of my life this past year.
It seems that for the last year my life has been out of focus. I was knocked to the ground and for months and months I struggled to just get to my feet again. And even once I was back on my feet it seemed like I could not find what my focus was. And because of that lack of focus a lot of things have been put to the side and forgotten about.
On New Years Eve I went to the dentist and was told I had a lot of work that still needed to be done, but I never went back. If you have been reading my blog for more then the past year you know all the problems I had with my teeth in 2005 and 2006. Even though the dentist told me my problems were due to my smoking I refused to believe him. Now that I have quit I know he was right. I think I always felt bad going to the dentist and getting work done because I was still smoking and still doing damage to my mouth. I made myself watch a video of a woman that had oral cancer and it was so hard to watch, but something I need to. I pray that I will never smoke again. Anyway, New Years Eve was a horrible day for me and everything I was trying to avoid with Laura was right in front of me and there was no avoiding it. And it didn't help that what went down with Laura on that day happened while I was at the dentist. Note to self: NEVER schedule a dentist appointment for New Years Eve. What was I thinking? So, I put the fact that I needed dental work to the side and just tried to get out of bed every day.
So now that my life has calmed way down I have started to take care of some things that I have neglected in the last few months.
I have an appointment next Tuesday with my dentist. After talking with them I feel a lot calmer about everything and can see the light. And they were not concerned that I had not gone and got that root canal and said since I have no pain that probably means I don't need a root canal. That would be the best news ever. Seriously, it would be better then winning the lottery. Well, maybe not that good. I can't wait until all of this is done and since I have quit smoking (26 days, Yay) I know I am not continuing to do damage.
In January I wrote Laura a letter telling her how I felt about everything. Because I was so afraid of her reaction I never sent it. Well, today I got out that letter, added a few things and mailed it to her. You have no idea how good that felt. It feels good standing up for myself.
I was asked last week if I was planning on getting my Clinical license and I really couldn't come up with a good answer as to why I had not except I was afraid of failing. I thought about it over the weekend and I feel more confident then ever and know that I can do it. Since I got my masters degree I have wanted to get my clinical license, but I never felt smart enough to. It feels good at least making a plan to get my license.
Awww...today has been a good day. I feel like I have got a lot done and I am headed in the right direction and my focus is becoming more clear.