I am so tired. The last two nights I have gotten about 8 hours of sleep total. I feel like I am close to crashing. Let me explain why I did not get much sleep last night.
I had planned on going to bed early last night. In fact, I was headed up to bed at 11pm. I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth and when I came out Ben was sitting on the bed looking guilty. Yes, he peed on the bed.......again. I was so angry with him. I yelled at him and he went running. I have not had time to take my comforter to the dry cleaners or even pick up some of the stuff that some of you have recommend I buy. I have washed the comforter like 4x in the last week, but I guess he is still picking up on the smell. Because it went through to the sheets I stripped the bed and threw it all in the wash. My sheets are white so I put some bleach in with them. I thought this might get some of scent out. The bedroom is officially off limits to Ben and he's not too happy about it, but at this point I really don't care.
About 1am I was finally able to go to bed. When I got home yesterday (after working midnight to 9:30am) I laid down, but only let myself sleep for 4 hours because I didn't want trouble going to sleep at my normal bedtime. So, by 1am I was exhausted. At 3:30am I got a TXT message from R. She just asked what I was doing today. After a couple TXT messages we ended up on the phone with each other. It was a good talk and she explained some of what has been going on. I am still not sure what I am going to do, but things do make more sense now. We were on the phone until 7:30am. By this point I am not sure I am even making sense because I am so tired. I tell her that I really need to get some sleep and I fall asleep for 3 hours.
Tomorrow is a crazy day as well. I am going into work at 8am and then taking a few hours off in the afternoon and then going back to work the second shift. I am wondering if I will ever catch up on my sleep. I really feel like I could go to sleep now and be out of it for a few days.
Tonight I have a friend coming over for a few hours (what was I thinking?????) and I am making some cookies for work. One of the things I am doing tomorrow afternoon is going to my counseling session. I haven't been in 4 weeks and I really feel like I need to go. Last night I sat on the couch so upset about nothing and crying like I cried when Laura and I broke up. It was kind of refreshing, but it was exhausting. And the crazy thing is I really don't know what I was crying about, I was just crying. I think lack of sleep is part of the reason I am so emotional right now. I seriously feel like I could cry at the drop of a hat.
So, let's all pray that I get some sleep this weekend. And let's all pray that I figure out what to do with R. It's all so confusing and I think part of the reason is because I am so freakin tired.