Last night I got 9 hours of good sleep and boy did it feel good. But this morning I am still tired. I went into work for a couple hours this morning to take care of a few things. Part of that was going to my managers meeting. At the end of the meeting I about lost it. Two managers were complaining about my techs and I wanted to tell them, "I am doing the best I can and yes I am aware of some of the problems". But you know, I can't be everywhere all the time. I left about 30 minutes into the meeting because Time Warner is coming out to help with my DVR problems. As I was leaving I could tell I was about to cry.
Here's the problem: I can't stop crying. Everything is making me cry. It used to be that I would hardly ever cry, but since March it's like I opened the flood gates and now everything makes me cry. I know it's not real professional and I am sure I looked like a fool when I was leaving the meeting today, but I can't help it. I didn't cry in the meeting, but I had tears in my eyes and I am sure my voice was a little shaky.
Most of the other managers know what has been going on with my personal life, but still part of me feels like I should be able to hold it together while I am at work. But, I am so stressed at work and it seems like my personal life and work life are constantly colliding. I talk to my techs about not letting their personal issues interfer with their work, but here I am not even able to hold myself together while I am at work. How can I expect my techs to do this if I can't even do it?
I don't want people to think I am crazy or overly emotional, but there are times when I just can't help but cry. It used to be that when I would cry I would feel kind of refreshed, but lately it seems that when I cry it only makes things worse. Thankfully today I have an appointment with my counselor and I hope I can make it to 3 when my appointment is. I wish I could just come home after my appointment, but I have to go back to work until at least 9 tonight. It's going to be a long day.
Tonight we are suppose to be getting 6-8 inches of snow. If all my techs show up this weekend, then it will be the perfect weekend to stay inside and try to mend this broken heart that I have.