I am not real sure where the last 14 hours have gone. I was at work by 7am and did not stop until I left at 2:30. I decided first thing that I was going to leave a little early since I have a meeting with my techs tomorrow morning. Although I am not sure the meeting will happen. We are expecting sleet and ice overnight until 9am. I kind of hope I have to cancel it, but we will just have to see what happens. I can not trust the weather people in Kansas City. If they say we are going to get 10 inches of snow we usually get maybe a dusting. When they say we should only expect a dusting then we usually get at least 8 inches. So I will not know what the weather is doing until I wake up in the morning.
After work I went over to my best friends house. She is having a holiday party tomorrow so her house is all decorated and very festive. That woman has more Christmas trees then anyone I know. Her husband had smoked some pork tenderloins for tomorrow night and we got to try them to make sure they were OK. Boy were they good. It's not often that I get a home cooked meal, so when I do I savor every bite.
I am nervous about the party tomorrow night. I get very shy when I am in big groups and especially groups of people where I don't know anyone. And I hate the fact that I am going alone. I know most of the people will be with their spouse and I hate the fact that I am going by myself. At least when you go to a party where you don't know a lot of people you have your spouse to talk to. Part of me wants to make up a reason as to why I can't go, but I know I can't do that to my friend.
I hate coming home to an empty house. Hate it. I am sitting here tonight allowing loneliness to consume me. I know there are people out there that like to be by themselves, but even though I tend to be shy, I like having someone to come home to. I miss the feeling of getting into bed at night and having someone next to me. I miss those moments when you are asleep and you feel the one you love reach out for you and pull you in closer.
I think part of the reason that I have really struggled with the whole break-up is the fact that I was blind sided by the whole thing. It's not like I was in a relationship where I knew things were bad and there was no intimacy. Three days before Laura left for her trip to St. Louis (a.k.a. Shreveport) we were intimate and there was nothing different. The night before she left we feel asleep in each others arms. So when the break-up happened I was in shock. I literally had no idea. I guess I have learned that I really don't handle shock that well.
So if you are going to bed with someone you love tonight be thankful. Pull that person in a little closer. Treasure those moments you have because there are many of us that are going to bed alone tonight.
7 comments:
I understand exactly how you feel about going out alone. It is a difficult thing to do when surrounded by couples. Be thankful that you have your best friend who wants to share these times with you. That is a precious gift.
Annie
xxx
Ok Caroline you may have just saved my husband Hes quitting smoking and on the tad grumpy side of life at the moment but your post has made me realize how lucky i am to have him.Thank you for the post and know there is someone out there for you
Amen. If it weren't for China and Ali ......
Sighhhh.
When I was single, raising my 3 daughters alone and dealing with my occasionally violent ex husband, I was very grateful to be alone. The times I wasn't grateful to be alone were the times I remembered what it was like to have some other grown up person touch me. Just touch me. My hand. My arm. I get it sweetie. Totally. (((((Caroline)))))
This time of year does kind of bite more for single people. Even with a boyfriend - the grass looks a little greener on the married fence. But...and I mean this...being alone has its rewards too. Enjoy those parts because you wont be alone forever, this is temporary. Enjoy having control of the remote and being able to stretch out in the bed while you still can.-:)
Once again, your writing COMPLETELY resonates with me. My new job has me leaving at 7:20 am and returning to my kids at 5:45 pm. LONG DAY!!!
My mother has a tree for every room in her house, including the bathrooms! I love going there because I can never seem to muster that kind of enthusiasm for the holiday.
I used to be very shy in large groups. After my divorce, I went through a stage where I LOVED the challenge of going to places I don't know and talking with people. Lately, a few things have happened that have made me be a total hermit once again. I hate that feeling. There is so much in each of us to share with the world. Go and make a promise to yourself to talk to at least 2 people. You might surprise yourself ;))
I give thanks every day that I wake up next to Courtney every morning.
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