Being that I am a social worker and work with people every day that are depressed, you would think I would not be so ashamed to admit that I am depressed. I know I should not be ashamed, but part of me is still thinking that I should be able to handle this on my own. Even though I can explain to others that depression is a chemical problem and nothing they can control, I still think it's something I should be able to get a handle on. Even though I would never judge someone that suffers from depression, I judge myself daily.
The first time I remember being depressed was when I was 14 or 15. It wasn't until I was 16 that I finally asked for help. I am thankful that my parents did get me help and for a while I did really well. Just like my parents, I didn't realize that this was something I would need to continue to treat.
With everything that has happened this year I think I have just tried to survive. Considering everything, I think I have done pretty good. I still think it's a miracle that I get up each morning, get dressed and head out to work. I really don't know how this has happened, but according to everyone at work I am doing a wonderful job. Sometimes when I am told how good of a job I am doing, I look around like they must be talking about someone else.
In 2002 I was severely depressed. It was really bad. Looking back at those times and comparing them to this past year, I can see how much stronger I am. I can see how 2002 prepared me for this year. In 2002 I had the full support of my family and church, but there was probably a couple months where I literally would not get out of bed for days. Even though what I have gone through this past year is a lot more intense then 2002, I have still managed to get out of bed every day.
I know there are so many of you out there that know what I am going through. I appreciate all your encouraging words to me. When I think back to 20o2, it is very clear as to what helped me get through those times. When I think back on all I have gone through this year, it is very clear that it was you that helped me. And I thank each of you.
The first time I remember being depressed was when I was 14 or 15. It wasn't until I was 16 that I finally asked for help. I am thankful that my parents did get me help and for a while I did really well. Just like my parents, I didn't realize that this was something I would need to continue to treat.
With everything that has happened this year I think I have just tried to survive. Considering everything, I think I have done pretty good. I still think it's a miracle that I get up each morning, get dressed and head out to work. I really don't know how this has happened, but according to everyone at work I am doing a wonderful job. Sometimes when I am told how good of a job I am doing, I look around like they must be talking about someone else.
In 2002 I was severely depressed. It was really bad. Looking back at those times and comparing them to this past year, I can see how much stronger I am. I can see how 2002 prepared me for this year. In 2002 I had the full support of my family and church, but there was probably a couple months where I literally would not get out of bed for days. Even though what I have gone through this past year is a lot more intense then 2002, I have still managed to get out of bed every day.
I know there are so many of you out there that know what I am going through. I appreciate all your encouraging words to me. When I think back to 20o2, it is very clear as to what helped me get through those times. When I think back on all I have gone through this year, it is very clear that it was you that helped me. And I thank each of you.
9 comments:
Por nada, mi amiga. Hugs.
It's hard for me sometimes to determine the slide into depression vs. the fact that sometimes life sucks the high hard one all at once. It seems to me that you have had some very big speed bumps of late and therefore have every right to be sad, tired, and all the other feelings that may SOMETIMES be diagnosed as depression. For me, I took antidepressants on and off for a few years. I dont want to use them because I'm convinced mine might not be chemical. But your therapist has gotten to know you better, so he may have a different opinion on for you.
I think this is why I loved the commenter's lists of things in the prior post. If everything turns as it is supposed to - you are in for an AWESOME year very soon-:)
Sending good thoughts your way.
i can relate and hope you are ok today.
I found your blog through another one that I read regularly..."Amazing Grace"
I have read back through yours and laughed....and cried. It is heart-wrenching to read what you have gone through in the past year.
I don't know what to say except...know that someone in Ozark, Arkansas is thinking of you and sending good, positive thoughts to you!
thinking of you today!
I suffer from Depression also and take paxil for it. Not ashamed. I decided my family deserved better. Hugs for you honey. Big hugs!
I completely understand. And you are not alone.
It is very hard when you battle depression to not fixate on the things that are not going well. And even if you have a background in helping people who are depressed, you are not immune. No one is immune.
I have had many, many funks. Even recently. I am sorta having occasional bouts on a daily basis lately.
Every day around noontime, I write on a legal pad in my office.
Attitude = outcome
over and over and over and over again.
I have to keep reminding myself that I have to beat it and allow myself to keep living on.
You are not alone Miss Caroline. You have let us all in and we are all here for you.
Caroline- women discount themselves every day- thinking you aren't doing a good job when you really are is something lots of women do (me too :). When you get a compliment,try and BELIEVE that person knows what they are talking about! You are so strong. I'm glad I get to read your blog everyday. Reading blogs (yours and others) has helped get me through some very hard times too. (((hugs)))
Post a Comment