End of the Day

I am still trying to sort through everything that happened today. If you think it ended with Laura, then you would be wrong.

But first, the rest of the story with Laura. After we got off the phone I got a text message from her saying she had sent me an email. It was the oddest email that I have ever gotten from her. In it, she pretty much said that she knows she does not follow thru with things and that is something she continues to struggle with. She admitted that she has done a lot of things wrong in this whole breakup and she was sorry. She said some other things I had been wanting her to say, but will keep those between the two of us. After I read the email I went to my car and called her. The assertive Caroline came out during this conversation. I thanked her for the email, but told her that I am still really angry with her about not just Bonk, but everything. I told her that to me she is living the big life down in Shreveport. I explained to her (through my tears) that I will be financially trying to get back on my feet for years because of her decisions. She then went on to tell me (through her tears) that by no means is she living the high life in Shreveport. I told her that I didn't think she was happy and that personally she sounded miserable. She didn't say anything. I am not surprised because I think she realizes that maybe she might have made the wrong choice. We got off the phone with her saying she would be by on Wednesday night to get rest of her stuff.

After we got off the phone I went to lunch. I sat in my car for 45 minutes crying. I was crying for the two cats that did not deserve to be in a situation for this. I cried for the two cats that have been my buddies for the last 12 years. I cried because I had become a person that I never wanted to be. (a person that gives up their pets just because they are moving, etc)

After lunch I went into my office and tried to focus on work. But I kept thinking about what I was going to do. I called several rescue missions that told me both Brady and Astro would be put to sleep in any place they go. I just didn't know what I was going to do or how I was going to handle the emotional guilt I was feeling.

When Laura and I first split up our house payment got behind. It got behind because of her empty promises, etc. It was 2 months behind. I never blogged about this because I was not proud of this fact. In the 10 years I have owned this house I have never had a late payment. Selling the house was a blessing. The down payment they were going to pay was going to get us up to date on the payments. I still needed to pay July's payment and was going to on Friday when I got paid. In this whole process Laura and I had applied with the mortgage company for a deferment or a rate mortification. They continued to tell us no on the deferment. Our application is still being processed for the rate mortification. I decided to call today around 3pm to see what the status was on the application. I had to go through the entire automated menu and when it got to the part about payments it said our next payment was due August 1, not July 1 like I had expected. I talked with someone in customer service and they explained that July's payment was deferred. I couldn't believe it. That means I will have an extra $1000+ to help me get settled in my new place. (boy it's expensive to move)

Three weeks ago one of my techs saw I was getting stressed with work. She gave me 4 worry stones and said that any problems I have I needed to give to God. I took the stones not thinking too much about them. Well, a few days after she gave me the stones I took one and asked God to help me with my financial situation. I set the stone on my keyboard and gave up my worry to God. Every time I thought about how I was going to do it money wise, I would remind myself that I gave that worry up to God.

Today, God took care of that problem. And I am forever grateful.

A few minutes after I got off the phone with the mortgage company I picked up another worry stone. I told God that I was giving my worry of finding a home for Brady and Astro to Him.

Oh, and another thing I learned today (which I should have already known): God is not a Jehovah's Witness.