I have taken my first dose of my anti-anxiety medicine. I think I was hoping for an instant relief from all my anxiety, but it seems that I may have to wait a few days since it take a few days or weeks for me to feel the full affect of the drug. Darn. I need a life line and I need it quickly.
My mind and heart are not in the same place.
My mind knows it's over between me and Laura. My mind knows that I have no right to stand in the way of her happiness. My mind is happy that she is happy even if it's not with me.
My heart feels deep sadness. My heart doesn't understand how someone can walk away from 3 years when they keep saying they were not "unhappy and that we had a good life". My heart is hurt that I have been betrayed in ways I never imagined I would be. I am hurt that have been lied to for months and I had no idea. I hurt that she chose this new relationship over the one we had. It's like when you are in school and you are picked last for kickball. I wasn't picked and it hurts. My heart just hurts. I wish there was a magic pill for a broken heart because mine is broken badly.
I look forward to the day when my heart is in the same place as my mind.
3 comments:
That day will come, I promise. Relationships-gong-bad unfortunately stay with us for a long time, but there is an end. I wish I could tell you the end of the pain would be soon. I can't. I am amazed at how you are dealing with this. As I told you on the phone, your life changes over the past 3-4 years are so wonderful to see. I know that you'll get a handle on this because you have grown so, learned about yourself, and your self-awareness and value.
Keep trying. Hugs.
Caroline-
Not much you can say when someone is hurting. Unfortunately it will take time for your heart to catch up with your head. You are doing an awesome job!
Hang in there
(hugs)
It may sound like a broken record and be hard to believe right now, but what everyone is saying about "it will get better" IS TRUE. Time heals, new experiences heal, new people who will come along will heal, and new ways of looking at things will heal, REALLY. Just stay open to new things happening, maybe something ten times better will come. I'll be 41 this summer, and I think I just finally met someone really special who makes all the bad years seem like they were worth the wait. I know, I haven't blogged about it... I can't until I ask him if I can :) But be patient with your life, girl, be patient!!
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