Up until thirty minutes ago, today was a struggle. I have heard through the grapevine some of the hurtful things my family (mainly my Mom) are saying about me. It really tears at my heart when I hear these things knowing that they are not true and more importantly that they are coming from my own Mother. The person that raised me from the time I was just 3 days old. No matter how much I try to push it off, it still hurts. A lot.
I have tried several times to meet my parents in the middle and try to find some kind of middle ground, but they refuse and a lot of times are mean about it. I wrote my Mother and email last week telling her that I did love her and my Dad (and I made sure she knew I wanted her to tell my Dad hello as well) and that I was hoping we would find the middle ground sometime. No response. But that is normal. I don't even know if she reads these emails. I would think she would. I know I would if this was my child reaching out to me. Then to hear the things she is saying about me just really hurt. My hurt then turns into anger, which we all know gets me nowhere.
So this evening after we had dinner I went out and sat on my front steps. Laura had decided to go in the backyard, but I went in the front to play with the little stray kitty. I was out there for about ten minutes when my neighbor that lives right across from us came out with his 9 year old son. I could tell he was walking towards our house and I said "hello" to him. Here is the conversation we had:
Me: Hello
Neighbor: Hi. How are you doing this evening?
Me: Good, how about you?
Neighbor: Just fine. Hey do you think I am a good neighbor?
Me: Yes, very much so. (he really is a great neighbor)
Neighbor: Well, don't you think good neighbors should help each other?
Me: Yes I do
(By this point he is standing on the front steps right next to where I was sitting)
Neighbor: Well, I wanted to come over here tonight to share something with you. I was at church on Sunday and while I was praying your face kept coming to me. The Lord was telling me something. He wanted to tell me that He Loves You so much.
(at this point I was completely in shock)
Neighbor: We are told to witness to our neighbors and God has wanted me to come to you and be sure to tell you and make you realize that God Does Love You. It doesn't matter who you are or what you do, He Loves You.
Right before my eyes God is telling me that He does love me. What do you say? Needless to say I was speechless. I didn't know what to say. I explained to my neighbor how I really needed to hear this today. He then went on to tell me that the members of his church were given this assignment to go tell others (with no conditions of coming to church, etc) that God loves them. He said he had done that, but then on Sunday while he was praying I kept coming to him and he knew he had to come over here and tell me that God did Love Me.
The Jehovah's Witnesses do not love me. In fact, they despise me. How can you love God when you are openly hating others, especially those in your family. I just don't get it. The last conversation I had with my Mother was on the telephone. It was September 2004. Her last words to me were " I HATE YOU" and then she hung up. I have not talked with my Mom since that day. How can she love God, but hate her own child? For me, it takes up a lot more engery to hate then to love.
Despite what my family thinks God does still love me and He does take care of me. Just because I have taken a different path then them they feel that it's the wrong path. They don't understand that there are many roads and one destination.
I love my family. Since leaving the Jehovah's Witness religion I have learned what love really is. No matter what they do or say, I still love them. God is love and that is how we should treat others, especially those that hate us.
I don't know about my family, but my God is Love.
8 comments:
Yeah - mine too. Hang in there.
Caroline, on my trip I have been listening to the most marvelous CDs. They talk about the same concept, and point out that it is impossible to God to punish or to create anything or anybody that He (or She) doesn't love. I'll copy them and send them to you. It would have helped if you'd seen that DVD before I left. I'll send you the website. Please order it and watch it. You will be amazed at the doors it opens. God does love you, sweet girl, NEVER doubt that. And I do, too.
Caroline, someone once told me that just because someone says something, that doesn't make it true.
Remember that whenever you think your family is speaking ill of you.
Jesus does love you and we think you are great too.
You are absolutely right Caroline and you can't change them. Only they can change them. I pray that you find peace.
casey--thanks
lynilu--yes do send us that website. i would love to check it out. it was so weird when j came by yesterday. he usually talks more with laura, not me. when he was talking i knew only God could have sent him over. it was an amazing feeling
ragged--thanks so much for your kind words.
traci--i always remember that she is stuck in a religion that teaches hate and she is just doing what she is taught. she doesn't realize that the more she hates the more i love her
patticake--slowly but surely i am fidning peace
Caroline, I was just thinking . . . I left and it is a bit of a void in your life, but look at what was sent to you! "A door closes, a window opens." Keep the faith.
lynilu--i thought the exact same thing.
lynilu--one more thing: you cannot be replaced
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