For those of you that come to my blog to hear about the "happenings" in my life I apologize for the last few posts. The last few have focused on becoming a non-smoker and I know it can get boring to read day after day. Hang in there with me. I promise you we will eventually get back to normal around here.
Still no cigarette. As good as it feels to write that I feel that, I feel that I am in mourning. The book I read really encourages you not to "mope" around and I am trying real hard. But this morning has been very difficult for me. I don't think there is any particular reason I am down. The weird thing is I do not miss smoking. Seeing other people smoking does not bother me. Seeing all the packs of cigarettes in the stores does not bother me. So it's a matter of constantly reminding myself that the cigarette was doing NOTHING for me. It's like a friend that is horrible for you, but you remain friends and it ends up detroying you. If I had continued to smoke it would have destroyed me.
Thank God Laura is there to encourage me. She has been wonderful throughout all of this. She has figured out when to just back down when I am more irriatable then normal. I don't know if I could have done this without her support.
My Mother begged me to quit smoking for years. Part of the reason was because that was the main reason I got kicked out of the church the first time. Even when I was "allowed" back in the church the second time I had not fully kicked the habit of smoking. Now that I have officially stopped smoking I wonder what she thinks. Is she proud of me for finally stopping smoking even though I didn't do it when she was begging me?
My smoking was the beginning of the unravel of what my parents thought were their perfect life. Once I started smoking I think they realized that I had a mind of my own and I did what I wanted. I would give my right arm to know what their thoughts are now that I have stopped.
5 comments:
Hey - it's your blog. Write about what you need to. That's what it is all about.
And... I'm proud of you!
I think the purpose of the blog is to allow you to "journal" about wht you want/need to!! hellllooo?? About your folks . . . I think their world began to unravel long before this incident. I think it was when your brother began doing stupid things. He, not you, pulled the first unravelling thread. And continued to do so, even up to now, I'm willing to bet. Since he's not a JW, he can get away with it, interestingly . . . since neither is your dad. Why does he care if you are/aren't smoking? But I'll quit my rant now. It just doesn't make sense, and especially when you blame yourself for their happiness. oh, one more thing . . . remember what you've been taught: THEY ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR OWN HAPPINESS, NOT YOU.
Hang in there, and take not smoking one day at a time. I quit 5 years ago (for a tall blond), and don't have any desire to smoke again. The road will be kind of bumpy at first, but it will eventually smooth out. You will be amazed.....
You know what a smoker Gary was. It's been a year this week that he quit. Hang in there. If he can do it, you can do it. You've always had more will power than anyone I've known if you really want something.
Regarding your folks, it might be time to quit thinking about what they might be thinking. I know it's hard, but cast that boat off. If your mom is proud, it's only as a reflection on herself again as usual. I don't know what's with your dad. Most disappointing, but that's his thing...not yours. They blew it by cutting you off. Their loss, not yours. Their mess, not yours. Their disfunction that they choose not to see, not your responsibility.
I'm proud of you.
Your blog is here to write what you want, I like reading anything you have to say. I am so proud of you, it cannot be easy!
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