Thursday, March 30, 2006


About ten days ago Laura and I were talking about some of the things we wanted to do when we got to Florida and scuba diving came up. It is something she has always wanted to do. I have been a certified scuba diver since 1992. My parents, who are avid scuba divers, decided it would be a good idea for me to become certified as well. I actually enjoy it a lot. It'a amazing the things you see when you are 50-60 feet under water.

I thought it would be a good idea for me to have my scuba diving card just in case Laura decided to try scuba diving. This way I could go along with her, etc. I realized that I don't have my scuba car. Keep in mind, the last time I was scuba diving was 1995. As soon as my ex and I got married I stopped scuba diving. He didn't like water that much, so I stopped diving when we would go on vacation. And he had NO interest in becoming certified.

I realize my parents have my card. I do something that I really don't want to do. I email my Mother and ask her to send me my card. Instead of getting a response from her, I get an email from my Dad. He said that he was unable to find the card, but gave me insturctions on getting a replacement. He also suggested that I take a refresher course. (I had planned on that) The entire email was matter of fact. No emotion involved in the email at all. He also said that he would mail me my dive log book. It's a book where I have kept track of all my dives. I email him back and thank him for the information. At the end of the email I wrote, "my door is always open if you want to talk and work on our relationship". I received no response from his email.

Yesterday I got my dive log book in the mail. There was no note, nothing, just the book.

In the past two years there have been occasions when I have had to contact my parents for things; past tax paperwork, dive book, car crash. One day there will be no need for me to call my parents for anything. Are they ready for that day? Are they ready for the day when I stop calling all together. Are they ready for the day when I don't remember what it's like to have them as my parents?

Last weekend in the midst of our "mini" family crisis, Laura and I were down at her parents house. Her Mom and I were in the kitchen talking and Laura and her Dad were in the living room talking. Laura later told me that her Father said, "You know that young lady sitting in the kitchen with your Mom? I love her as much as I love you Laura".

Are my parents ready for the day when I have no good memories left of them?


Lyn said...

Sadly, your parents may never realize what they've lost. They didn't know what they had in the first place. Always remember that it no reflection upon you . . . it is their fear of what we call "thinking outside the box." I'll never understand why they won't do that. You're a special person, a good person, and a lovely woman. Remember the JW that Glenn talked to on the porch one day? He asked her if she would sever her relationship with her daughter if her daughter were disfellowshipped, and she replied, "Of course not. I would not discuss spiritual matters, but she would still be my daughter and I would love her without question." Nuff said.

Lyn said...

Cancel that "nuff said." When a person strays from the directed path (as in what leads to disfellowship), that is when the "solid followers of the Jehovah" should reach out most of all!! We are directed by God, at least those of us who accept the words of the Bible, to be "fishers of men." This meant to "catch" or rescue from a bad way of life those "fish" who have slipped out of the net. HELLLLOOOOO. Why, oh, why do JWs not do that? Time spent on my doorstep could be spent in reaching out to their fallen members.

Whew! I feel better!!

OK, now nuff said. For real. Promise.

Mrs. Dr. S. said...

I totally get your post Caroline.

I feel the same way sometimes... well, a lot of the time. Since I sent the *big letter* and wedding invite, my family doesn't even talk to me for matter of fact things anymore. I've emailed my mother twice since then - very matter of fact matters, no emotion or talk of the big stuff - I was actually asking for a couple of recipes. No response at all. They have barely written or emailed me since I left home, and not at all for quite a while.

I could call, and then they would have to talk to me, but frankly, I don't want to force them into communication and I always feel like crap for a while after a phone call... so most of the time, I just don't.

Do parents not care how easily and how hugely they can fuck up their kids lives?

>excuse the rant :) Like I said, I totally get this post.

NursePam said...

What a sad and touching post Caroline. Especially with the contrast between your folks and Laura's. Sending you lots of good thoughts for the future.

Isabel said...

Laura's dad is really sweet. I got misty eyed when I read that.

Sorry about your parents. It's sad that they are acting this way.

pack of 2 said...

I'm glad you have Laura's parents!

Your parents will never get it.

I am always amazed how religious people claim they are about "family values" but are the first ones to dump family members.

Sounds like they should practice what they preach...they won't...they are all about judging!

So sad.


Caroline said...

Lyn--I do remember that conversation Glenn had. It's sad taht my family has be so stubborn in their views. God doesn't like ugly..

courtney--i am sorry you are going through that with your parents. It just sucks doesn't it. I can't ever imagine treating a child of mine like my parents have treated me. Glad you found Kim though.

nursepam--thanks for the support.

packof2--it also amazes me how people of faith are so hateful.