Friday, October 31, 2008


I decided a couple days ago that it would probably be a good idea to go and talk to someone about things. The last couple of weeks I seem to be super stressed and feeling very anxious about every single thing. The first thing this new therapist suggested was that my medication may need to be adjusted. I hadn't even thought that maybe the Celexsa had leveled out, but it seemed to make perfect sense. I have an appointment next week with my Dr. to get a new RX and possibly something for anxiety. I don't have anxiety everyday, but I do have moments where things seem to be completely overwhelming.

She also suggested that I start writing about my feelings towards my family and Laura. I didn't tell her that I have a blog, but I do agree that I need to keep a private journal where I don't have to censor myself. Maybe I will start a second blog where I am completely anonymous.

Here's the thing......I have fallen in love with this amazing woman and I will lose her if I don't work through some of these issues. It's kind of like my drain has gotten clogged with issues regarding my parents and Laura and I am not able to move forward. I can't let Susan in until I get rid of this crap. I already know that all the work will be worth it.

Here's something to make you guys smile. Guess who was happy to see me when I got home from work tonight:
Hope everyone has a great Halloween.


fern said...

I had a realization like this when my husband and I were first dating. I worked so hard at just building the relationship I wanted. I forced myself to behave as though I trusted him -- even down to how I allowed myself to think -- whether I really felt the trust or not. I knew that even if our relationship didn't turn into anything serious, there was no chance at all that it would turn into a healthy, long-term relationship if I didn't force myself into healthy behaviors.

It was hard, but so worthwhile. I was able to do it because I knew I'd lost the most important person to me once before, and I'd survived, and I'd be okay if it happened again so I might as well let go.

You can do this. Not just for Susan or your relationship with her, but for YOU. You deserve it!

MJ said...

Fern said this really well. You just have to trust and put yourself out there. You can pull the plug and let go, if you are ready!

amy h said...

How come you didn't tell the therapist about the blog? It seems like it could only help to talk about that, too. Therapists can only help within the confines of the picture you give to them of yourself. It's not like I'm some expert on therapy, but if you are taking the time to go, I'd get the most out of it you can! I think it is great that you are working to bring the best you can to your relationship.