Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Hiccup

When I quit smoking 76 days ago I made a list of things that if they happened then I gave myself permission to have a cigarette.

Today something happened that was not on that list but really should have been. It's not been a good day and I am just really sad tonight. I spent most of the day crying and trying to pull myself together. By about 12:30 I decided that I was going to allow myself a day to cry and feel this pain. I hope it's true that you must feel in order to heal because I have done a lot of feeling this pain today. I hope it leads to some kind of healing.

On my way home I bought a pack of cigarettes. No it did not taste good and yes I have had a headache most of the day. I am looking at today as a small hiccup and I will be a non-smoker again tomorrow.

People say that I am strong, but today was not one of my strong days.

Tomorrow I will do better.

13 comments:

MJ said...

A hiccup is okay and tomorrow will be a better day. You are strong and I know it doesn't feel like it at times. Hold you head up!

Audra said...

*hugs*

Monogram Queen said...

There will be hiccups and there will be vomits. You can do it Caroline. You can.

Renaissance Woman said...

I hope that tomorrow feels better. Throw the cigarettes away. And you are still a strong person.

Emily said...

Sorry to hear you had a bad day. There are always hiccups of some kind. Tomorrow will be a better day!

amy h said...

Hiccups are absolutely OK -- they don't have to lead to anything worse if you don't let them. I was just talking to Angie about this in the context of eating. We both eat for comfort and it is easy to say, "well, I ate this bad thing, so now the whole day is bad and I can just eat whatever crap there is." That isn't about reality -- it's about a mindset. You can do it!

Sorry to hear about the crappy day.

Lynilu said...

Caroline, you ARE strong. Remember even steel, one of our strongest materials in the world, has spots that are weaker than the rest. And the diamond .... it has "flaws," places that have a less dense spot that can allow a crack if hit just right.

This was just a bad time that will pass. You, Caroline, are a diamond, not perfect, but beautiful and strong. :)

Sonya said...

Awww, I'm sorry you had a bad day. Hang in there and I hope tomorrow (or today's) sunrise brings about a good day.

Married Lesbian Mom said...

Hope your day gets better. Thereis always tomorow and you can always start over again. **HUGS**

Julie said...

Hang in there. Someone told me crying was a release of stress and so I kinda enjoy a good one now and then. You are doing great with the smoking thing - throw out the pack-:)

redfrog27 said...

It will get better keep your chin up and tomorrow you will be back to being a non smoker.Hugs

Teaberry said...

don't tell anyone-- it's sort of a secret that I even was a smoker, but I quit just recently, too. Your blog has been a real source of strength for me. I think 76 days is AMAZING. Way to go!

for me, I just keep reminding myself that I "never thought I could make it this far" without smoking, and that has helped. I guess proving something to yourself can be the best motivator of all. And, see, 76 days...one slip up in all that time... that's okay, I think!

I TOTALLY love what Lynilu said about steel and diamonds. She's a smart lady!

You never explained your teary-eyed rearview mirror photo, though.

Anyway, I think you're neat! Keep on writing!

R said...

setbacks happen. it is okay. you just pick yourself up and start again. you are a strong person and have faith in yourself.