Friday, April 04, 2008

So Many Lies

I hate when I find out that people have lied to me. I have always tried to be honest in all I do and I guess I just don't understand why some people feel they need to lie; even about small things.

In the past few weeks I have learned exactly how much Laura lied to me. I don't want to go into detail how I found out, but I trust my sources. Here is the sad thing, I knew she was a liar when we first started seeing each other. I don't know why I chose to look away from her many little white lies, but I did. And each time she was caught in a lie I allowed her to get away with it. Usually I would not confront her on the lies because the few times I did she made me feel so bad for questioning her. One time I caught her in a lie and she started crying and sat out on the deck for an hour by herself. When I tried to talk to her she made it seem like it was my fault that she lied. I quickly learned that it was best if I would just not say anything.

I think I am most angry at myself for putting up with all those lies. I think it goes back to my self worth. I felt at the time that I was extremely lucky to have someone as physically beautiful as Laura and I knew that this was my one chance to be with someone that was (in my opinion) absolutely beautiful. I was so proud to be with Laura and so happy that she picked me. I just couldn't believe that someone as beautiful as Laura would want to be with me.

Her lies cost us thousands of dollars. No wait, her lies cost me thousands of dollars. When Laura and I got together I only owed $57,000 on the house. Less then three years later I owed $111,000 on the house and most of the equity went to clear up her messes (lies). Her lies started on day one and I am sure she continues to lie to this day.

When Laura and I first got together she had this whole story about why she split from her previous girlfriend. For years she sucked me into those stories, but now I see that they were all lies.

For months and months I wondered why Laura and I ended the way they did. But she lied really well. Just two weeks before the break-up Lynilu came to visit and stayed with us for 4 days and I am pretty confident that she didn't notice anything. Four days before the break up I did a post about finding the outfit for our commitment ceremony and having found the words for our vows. Then out of nowhere all the lies came to light.

It was like I was literally blinded by what had happened. I could not see anything and as most of you know, it took me months to finally see the whole picture. Finally at some point I realized why all this happened.

But I am thankful for what happened last year. I am thankful that I do not have to live my life with someone that I don't trust. When Laura left she one of the things she said was, " you never trusted me." I think she is right. How can you trust someone that lied to you from day one? I don't know about anyone else, but I can't trust someone like that.

I am not surprised that her lies continue today. I really feel sorry for her partner S. From the very beginning of their relationship Laura lied to her. Even after they started seeing each other, Laura continued to lie. When Laura came to town last May she took me out to dinner for my birthday, gave me a nice card and a gift. She told me not to mention anything because she had not told S that she was taking me out for my birthday.

I just learned of more lies that Laura told at the beginning of her relationship with S. Part of me feels sorry for S (not too much though) and the other part of me is laughing. I wonder if Laura's ex before me felt the same way as I do right now.

The best piece of advice I ever got was:
You don't have to have a good memory if you always tell the truth.


SassyFemme said...

Excellent piece of advice.

I just don't understand how someone can live with themselves, looking in the mirror each day, knowing the lies they tell.

Eye of the Rainbow said...

Very well written, like all your post are!! I understand about how you must have felt knowing you were being lied to all the time. Just think you are feel now :)

redfrog27 said...

Karma baby karma its going to bite her on the butt one of these days

Julie said...

I had a guy in my life who pretty much did the same, and I am convinced that these are thrown at us like big lessons we needed to learn. You are now taking care of yourself and building the self esteem you need, and so in a way it was a good thing? (Ok, she's a Biotch, but you get my point.)-:)

Patti said...

I guess the person who we should feel sorry for is Laura. To have to keep up with so many lies, that would be very stressful. As for S, you reap what you sow.

Lynilu said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lynilu said...

All events in our lives have purpose. Sometimes they hurt like hell, but the pain eventually eases, and even if we don't truly understand the "why" of it, we can know that we are stronger, smarter, and better for the growth the challenge forced upon us.

You are stronger, wiser, and you're better, event though I thought you were pretty awesome in the first place (pre-Laura). Her poo-poo is hers to deal with, live with, and perhaps to die with. Don't sweat the small stuff. (and she is really a small person)

Love you and all that you are!!