Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Remind Myself

Sometimes I get so insecure and it comes out of nowhere. I hate when this happens. I am having one of those days where I am feeling insecure and the weird thing is it just started about 2 hours ago.

My boss called me today and they are on their way back to KC and will be flying out on Monday for her aunts funeral. She asked how Sadie was and I told her she was going good now, but we had a rough day on Monday. I explained what happened and she was sorry that Sadie was even a little bit of trouble. Really it was OK, but I was just worried about Sadie because I hate it when I am watching a dog and the dog just really freaks out.

About 30 minute ago my boss called me again and said they thought it would be better if they picked Sadie up tonight instead of tomorrow. I understand because if this was my dog and I knew Sophie had been upset I would want to get her as soon as I got home. But then the insecurities set in. I am worried that my boss now thinks I didn't do a good job taking care of Sadie. I know that is not true, but I still think that sometimes.

All of my life I have felt like I have these standards to live up to and it seems that I am always falling short. Sometimes I feel like I am just not good enough and I will never be. I felt this way a lot last spring when Laura left me. I felt like if I had done this or that differently then maybe she would have chosen me in the end. I now know that I was good enough and it is Laura's problem, etc.

But sometimes I forget and have to remind myself that I am OK just the way I am. So tonight once Sadie is picked up I will try to remember all the good things about myself.

4 comments:

R and J said...

Yes, remind yourself of all the positives. I have to do that on a regular basis as well!

Fern said...

I do this kind of thing A LOT. Other people seem to be so confident or so sure of when they are right or wrong, but I pretty much always feel like I must be wrong, even when I am not sure what I might have done.

Just keep doing what you're doing -- reminding yourself that's not reality and your boss is doing just what you would do given the situation.

There are lots of good things about you -- more than you'll admit to yourself, I'm sure.

Lynilu said...

I think M knew Sadie was OK with you. I can tell you that when my kids or my pets have been sick or injured while I was away, I always felt guilty. I don't think I ever blamed the caretaker, even in a situation where I could (and maybe should) have. Don't worry.

Lynilu said...

Oh, yeah, what r and j said, too .... remember the positives!!