Saturday, January 19, 2008

Perfectly Cold

Well, it's day 4 of taking my meds. My stomach is feeling a lot better, but first thing in the morning my stomach is still a little upset. I was talking with Lynilu yesterday and I told her that I already feel calmer. Something else that I suffer from is OCD. I never really thought I did, but when I look back on some of my behaviors I clearly do have a little bit of OCD. I used to joke about how I would be with my yard and making sure it was mowed, but now I can see that it was an obsession. When I knew I had to mow I would think about it all day at work and I would not be able to relax until I was down mowing. And God forbid if it started raining. So, I am glad that I feel some calmness.

I ended up not going into work yesterday. I probably could have gone in, but I decided to do something for myself and give myself one more day. I ended up watching about 2 hours of The Golden Girls. It's been a while since I have laughed that hard.

To everyone else in KC it is really cold, but for me it's perfect. When I went out to Walmart this morning it was only 4 degrees. I got some of the strangest looks because I was only wearing a light jacket. To me the air feels fresher when it's cold. Sophie is loving the cold weather as well. About every 30 minutes she is asking to go outside where she will just lay in the snow. To both me and Sophie it is perfectly cold.

I am really struggling with my writing for part 5 of The Truth. One of my resolutions was not to talk about Laura on my blog, but she is a big part of the next part of my story. As angry as I am with her, I also know she is part of the reason I had the courage to come out to my family. On the flip side, she is also the reason I had a relapse in regard to me cutting. I think I just need to start writing and not worry so much about what I am saying. Thank you all for being patient and for being interested in my story and life.


yankeegirl said...

Caroline- I'm glad it is perfectly cold for you! Here it is 18 degrees and there is a wind chill as well, and to me it's way too cold!!! :) Take your time w/ Part V, if you aren't ready to write about it don't push it. (((hugs)))

amy h said...

I hope the new meds start to agree with you more. I don't know if it would help, but this helped with pregnancy morning sickness. Eat some saltines right before you go to sleep, and then eat some immediately when you wake up, before you get up and moving. That seemed to help with morning nausea.

I just bought a down coat. 5 degrees is not perfect to me. :)

I don't see any need for putting limits on what you want to write. It's your place -- do what feels best.

Lynilu said...

Don't forget that it ... everything ... is a process. Don't focus on the destination, but on the journey itself. Be where you are, and that will get you where you want to be.


You're doing just fine.