This morning I watched something on TV that I really (!!!!!) needed to hear. As it always seems to happen, God sends me exactly what I need at the moment.
A few months ago I spoke about watching a Joel Osteen sermon on TV. I woke up this morning and turned the TV on and it came on to the channel his show was on. In those few seconds before I changed the channel something caught my attention. He was talking about Divine Connections. As I sat and listened for the next 30 minutes I realized that God needed me to hear this sermon this morning.
The last few weeks I have been thinking that I am never going to find that someone special. I go back and forth between feeling like damaged goods to I must have done something wrong in my past that is preventing me from meeting someone special. As much as I tried to understand (and accept) what happened between me and Laura, it just didn't make sense. The more it didn't make sense the more frustrated I would get. And the more frustrated I got the more I just wanted to give up.
But this morning I have more understanding.
One of the things that really hit my heart this morning was when Joel said, "What looks like disappointment is God just preparing you for what is ahead". I know I have heard this before, but it made more sense this morning. Several of you have told me that I need to look at this time of being single as God is just preparing her for me. What you guys have been telling me for months and then Joel's sermon this morning all make sense now.
The other thing in the sermon was how everything is beautiful in it's time. For the last 9 months I have been trying to figure out how what I thought was great with Laura could turn out to be something completely different. I realized this morning that in March it was time for Laura to no longer be part of my life. From some of the things that she has done in the last nine months I am now seeing why she is no longer in my life. I try to live my life with kindness and love. I have seen in this past year that Laura does not live her life that way. She lives her life with the sense that she needs to get (or take) something from everyone she meets. I don't want to spend the rest of my life with someone that leaves a path of destruction in the lives of everyone they meet. And I am thankful that God could see that even if I couldn't.
I am putting my trust in God that when the time is right that person that is meant for me will come into my life. I need to learn to be more patient and to trust God more. I have a tendency to trust God, but when things aren't going as I think they should, I grab back that control. In the end, it never works out when I try to take control back.
I think of all the people that are in my closer inner circle and know that each of them are a divine connection. And there was a reason they were brought into my life.
As long as I trust God and try not to rush His plans, then one day as I have her sitting next to me, all of the tears, anger and sadness of 2007 will make sense.