I am feeling so fat this morning. I had to dress up since the state is here doing an audit. Normally I can wear jeans or something comfy, but not today. I just feel so fat!
I am a little disappointed in myself because I have put on about 7 pounds in the past six months. And since the breakup I have put on a total of about 12 pounds. Well, let me correct that...when the breakup first happened I lost 15 pounds in the first couple of weeks. I was able to maintain for a while, but now I seem to be putting it back on.
Over the summer I had to cancel my membership to the gym since I couldn't afford it and I really wasn't going. Now I am wishing I had the money to get another gym membership. I am really wanting to exercise. I may have to look at my finances again to see if I can afford the $30/month it would cost.
I know exercise would really help my moods. I woke up this morning feeling depressed and down. I know if I was exercising on a regular basis it would help not only my physical health, but my mental health as well. I just want to feel right again.
During the month of January I felt really good. I was working out at least 5x a week and eating well. As I sit here today I feel that all my good work was for nothing because here I am putting weight back on and feeling pretty cruddy.
I think I also just want a break. So much has been thrown at me in the last year that I am mentally just worn out. It's days like this where I wish my family was there so I would have a place to go to recharge. And I am not sure if my family actually recharged me, so maybe I am wishing I had the kind of family where you can go to recharge. When I go home in the evenings I do feel recharged, but there are times also where I wish I didn't have to do all the work myself. It is extremely hard encouraging yourself on a daily basis. It's days like this where I wish I could tap into someones positive energy.
I really need for someone to say to me today that for just a few hours they will take all my problems and worries away for me. Even though this is not possible, I can still hope.
8 comments:
Yes you always have hope! Too bad you can't have a week-end get-away or something. You sure have been through alot my friend. Hugs.
You always have something as long as you have hope.
I saw this on Post Secret and immediately thought of you.
http://bp2.blogger.com/_a7jkcMVp5Vg/Ry1NeHXvbEI/AAAAAAAACRw/ywMqVnIjbMg/s1600-h/FINDME.jpg
I'm sorry you're going through such yuck these days. You know where to find me.
Caroline, I'm so happy you found my blog and left such a nice comment. I'm going to add you to my fave daily visits.
I can SO relate to what you wrote here today. Weight is a funny thing. Growing up I was painfully underweight. As I became an adult, my metabolism changed and I still struggle with weight issues. If someone breaks up with me, I could easily lose 10 pounds in the blink of an eye. I can put it on too!
I understand about needing to recharge. So much has been put on my plate too and most days I'm running on adrenaline. Just hang in there and realize that we are not given things that we can't handle.
Katie inspired me to buy a pedometer to count my steps and I can't wait for it to arrive - maybe you should get one (they are cheap) and start step-counting? It will probably work out good for Sophie-dog if you walk more too!
I understand the weight stuff! I am constantly struggling with mine it seems. I'm taking it slowly right now. My first thing was no ice cream until Thanksgiving - I can do 2 weeks! My next thing was no eating after dinner. Now I'm trying to walk my neighborhood at least a couple times a week. It's only a mile, but it's something! Hang in there and well wishes!
I hear ya, every single little word, I hear ya. Break up, weight gain, doing it on your own, wanting support, financial issues, depression. Gee, it sounds really bad all put like that. I guess in many ways it is, but I am grateful to be able to find the sacred and the positive amongst it all.
OH, I know what helped recharge me SO SO much yesterday. It was fantastic! Go to the first lot of links on the right hand column of my blog and watch the Cherised Blessing movies. I went from heartache to feeling spiritually loved in 10 minutes. Wonderful.
Annie
xxx
Once again I wish we lived in the same city because I would show you everything this Josh dude at my gym is teaching me, and it is stuff you can do at home.
I think I might spend some time this weekend figuring out how we can all motivate each other. I saw a nutritionist yesterday (I can work out daily but my diet? sucks butt.)
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