Today I talked with Laura because we are thinking of lowering the price of the house since we have had 0 calls on it. (long story)
While we were talking I was so proud of myself because I told her the following things in a calm assertive way:
*She will be responsible for 1/2 the money that we owe on the house. (we are looking at a quick sale which means we would get less for the hosue then what we owe)
*This break up has been worse then the breakup with my ex husband in a financial way and that it was because she has left me hanging out there. Since she has left she has only given me $300 towards the bills.
*It will take me years to recover financially because of HER.
*I regret refinancing the house with her (mainly to pay HER bills). When Laura and I met I only owed $58K on the house. Now we owe $111K. Becuase of the market and neighborhood it is worth about 25K less what we owe on it.
I am composing a letter to her in my head that she will get once the house is sold. It will pretty much say that I never want to speak to her again. I can forgive her (and myself), but that does not mean I have to talk to her.
She was quiet during the entire conversation and did not say anything. I feel proud of myself for the way I said those things to her. I was not emotionally upset, I just was pretty matter of fact with her. It felt great.
10 comments:
Good for you Caroline. It's a good step that you are telling her just what you wanted to let her know.
I'm so sorry that this is taking such a financial toll.
That sucks. I'm even more shocked that houses cost so little there; in Portland you couldn't buy a shack for under 200K.
I think she should be responsible for all of the loss, that seems only fair.
holly--it is a major financial toll, but it somehow it will all work out. i love this feeling of knowing that one day i will not talk to her and i am happy about that. it's nice finally get to this point
rsg--if you went 15 minutes to the west of here, this house would easily sell for $150-200K. My neighborhood just sucks. as for her taking all the loss...i am all for that and would love that. sad thing is, she's not that good of a person.
That is such a big step! I wish i lived in an area with those housing costs! Our apartment is expensive enough, I feel like I'll never live in a house!
Good for you! This is very hard to deal with, I'm sure, but you are so much stronger than you know.
audra--kc is lucky cause our housing costs are a lot lower then most of the country. there are houses bigger then mine selling for 60K down the street from me. well, those houses are in forclosure, but still that hurts my resale value
katie--it is hard to deal with, but with blogger friends like you it makes it a lot easier. thanks. :)
Can't you come up with some legal something that says she takes all the loss? I mean, you have documentation that shows the 58K to 111K thing right? Seems like a good lawyer could help you but what do I know?
And I just have to say this...if I only owed 111K on my house (in this area), I would be so totally psyched! Weird how prices are so different everywhere eh?
I suspect Laura's quietness was because she knows you're speaking the truth. I also wonder if the shine is wearing off the new romance. Whatever, I'm glad you handled it as maturely as you did. No sense in beating around the bush about the facts.
:) We are all behind you and supporting you in this. :)
I'm glad you got to say things to her that needed to be said. I'm also glad that she isn't your "problem" anymore-:)
traci--i wish i could and i am going to look into it. but i would almost rather just take the blunt of the financial toll so i can be done with her. make sense?
lynilu--i know she was quiet because she knows i am speaking the truth. oh, and sharon was right there. heaven forbid sharon find out how much money problems laura actually has.
julie--i was just thinking that i am happy that i don't have to clean up her messes anymore. and boy does she know how to create a mess.
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