A few weeks ago Laura and I were talking with Lynilu about relationships and marriage. It was during this conversation that I had a HUGE light bulb moment. Let me give you a little bit of history on the discussion we were having.
First of all Laura and I have very different views on marriage. Laura does not believe in marriage for gays. Now, she does believe in having the same rights as heterosexuals. She just thinks it should not be called marriage. She feels that it's obvious that "marriage" doesn't work. Just looking at the divorce stats will make anyone (gay or straight) think twice about marriage. I think it's up to 50% now. So that means you only have 1/2 a chance that your marraige will last. That is pretty sad. My parents have been married for almost 38 years. All 38 years have not been filled with wedded bliss. Infact I know they struggled a lot when my brother and I were younger. But they didn't give up. They hung in there and after 38 years I know they are happy they never gave up. There was a time when you did not get divorced. Now this meant a lot of people staying in abusive marriages when they should have left. But now a days people get divorced at the drop of a hat. It's actually kind of sad. So, Laura's views are that obviously it's not working for the heterosexuals, why would we want to do something that has a 50% chance of failing?
My views are very different. I don't feel that just beause most of the "straights" can't get it right doesn't mean Laura and I won't. You have to be commited to making a marriage work. It's not something that you do and then it maintains itself. You have to always be working at it. I think a lot of people think just because they have a little piece of paper saying they are commited to each other that it will always work out. It doesn't always work that way. 50% of married couples will tell you that. I also felt that maybe a private ceremony would be fine, but I thought we should celebrate with friends and family.
So, for the last year or so Laura and I have been having discussions on marriage and commitement ceremonies. We both agreed on a small private ceremony, but I opted for the big celebration with family/friends afterwards where she wasn't too sure if this was something she wanted. We had actually decided to have a private commitement ceremony while we were in Florida in April and come home and have a party to celebrate. A couple months before we went we decided to delay that. Laura's younger sister had just gotten married and we didn't want to come on the heels of her big celebration. Plus, Laura felt pretty strong about making sure, since ours is different then her sisters, that it was to feel different. We felt we just didn't have enough time to plan everything. Now we are back to, what should we do?
Then a couple weeks ago when we were talking with Lynilu it hit me. Last July Laura and I had gone done to the lake for the weekend. We were staying at the same place we stayed last month. We had bought rings from HRC and were going to exchange them that weekend. We had told ourselves that this was until the commitement ceremony. That Sunday night we were the only ones at the motel. We sat out on the lawn right after the sun had gone down and exchanged rings. We had both written something to each other about our love and commitement for each other. The night was perfect. Looking at the water exchanging matching rings with the one I love. Like I said, it was perfect. July 31, 2005 Laura and I officially made that commitement to each other. When we returned last month to the lake I immediatly thought about us exchanging rings in this exact spot. This little motel has such special meaning to us know. Laura felt the exact same way.
I don't know if we will ever have something "public" or not. From the day I met Laura I have been commited to her and her to me. I can't imagine my life without Laura. Our life is not 100% perfect, but it's pretty damn perfect. I know at the end of the day I get to go home to her. I know that she loves and accepts me for who I am not, not who she think I should be.
7 comments:
Honey you both are very very lucky to have the love that you have :)
I wish you nothing but the best and whether you decide to have a public ceremony or not you both know you are committed and that's what really counts.
You and Laura deserve the best. I agree with patti cake said.
Wow! What the heck did I say?!?
Life has no guarantees, and you both know that, butI know you two are happy together and you are both committed to the relationship. That gives you a head start over many couples out there. I hope you have happiness together forever.
I'm glad you two are so happy together! Congrats on finding your "one"! :)
patticake--yes, we are lucky. thank you
isabel--thank you. for such a long time i think we both thought we only deserved the left overs. now we know differently
lynilu--it was the whole story about you and glenn and oct. 18
casey--there were times before laura it seemed like i was looking for a needle in a haystack. all the time patience finally paid off
I concurr with patti cake. Happy soon-to-be anniversary!
And I'm curious, which of the rings did you get? They are all very nice.
tropopause--thank you. the rings we got were the "My Beloved" rings. I absoutly love my ring. What's funny is the ring isn't that big of a deal..it's the meaning behind the ring that means everything. My ex husband gave me a very nice diamond ring and i love my very simple ring that i have now so much more then that diamond one i had.
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