There are just some days that the longing I feel to be a Mother is overwhelming. Ever since I was young I have wanted to be a Mother. I remember playing "house" with my cousin when we were little and I had it all planned out how I was going to be a Mother. Back then I had no concept of how much money it cost to raise a child so I was thinking that maybe I would have 4 or 5. I had all their names picked out.
My feelings for wanting to be a Mother have not changed because I am gay. My therapist put it simply when she told me "you got robbed in the Mother department". That is how I feel. I was given two chances for a Mother and both turned out not in my favor. Now my birth Mom did what she thought was best for me. And to be honest I was raised well. I never wanted for anything. All my basic needs, plus many luxuries were more then taken care of. But emotionally my childhood was lacking. So, yes, in the Mother department I feel that I got the short end of the stick.
I have never denied to Laura that I want to have children. Laura has never felt the need to be a Mother. As much as I don't understand her never having the feeling of wanting to have children, she doesn't fully understand my desire to have children.
Will this feeling go away if we never have children? I look at all the wonderful families that are same-sex families that have children. I see how happy they are and I tell myself that Laura and I could have that. I really want that. I want a little face looking at me calling me "Mommy".
I worry about delaying the decision to have children. I would be devestated if we decided we would have children and realize that biologically it's too late. I am adopted, but I don't have any desire to adopt a child. I want to feel that child growing inside me. I want to deliver that child into the world. I don't want to miss a second of that child's life.
Despite the experiences I have had with my Mother I know I would be a good Mother. I know Laura and I could give a child so much love. Having a child is one of my deepest desires. I am not so willing to give up on this dream yet.
9 comments:
Without dreams, we have nothing. Without dreams, we will go no where.
Without dreams, we wouldn't know when we get something really good.
Without dreams that aren't fullfilled, we wouldn't recognize some of the other blessings we have.
Keep your dreams!
Lynilu--that was so beautifully put. thank you.
Honey keep on dreaming. We tried for 9 years before I even got pregnant for the first time, and then I miscarried but in four months I was pregnant again with Maddie. I wouldn't trade that miracle for anything. Had I not had such a difficult delivery I would probably do it again but health-wise my Dr. advises me not to. I really really hope you do have a chance to be a Mom. There is nothing like it in this world. I think you would be wonderful. Look how good you are to your pets :)
It's a grand dream and a worthy goal. As you know, I have two little ones and I love my life with them. It's the hardest thing I have ever done but those hugs and kisses make it all worth it.
Sounds like you and Laura need to have a serious heart to heart. It was never D's life long dream to have children and I think she could have lived the rest of her life without them but I couldn't and she jumped on the bandwagon. She loves these two like crazy though I do think she has a harder time giving in to the fact that life really IS all bout the kids. We come in a distant 3rd and 4th to them. I know it's more of a challenge in that area for D then it is for me. Maybe it's the life-long dream vs "sure, why not?" I don't know.
But - if it is your life long dream, it deserves to be looked at closely.
If you know people with small kids, spend time with them. No, it's not the same thing but it will give you an idea. Oh - and talk with people who will honestly tell you what parenthood is like. Not the people who say "Oh it's perfect. It's the best thing I ever did. My baby slept through the night from day one and he hasn't given me an ounce of grief. My life is picture perfect."
Those people are lying! :)
Seriously...if you are wanting to look at it for what it really is, talk with people who will tell you the truth. And believe me, very few will because of the stigma of looking like the perfect parent with perfect children and the perfect life. :) It's really hard. Wonderful and amazing but oh so very challenging.
That said - I can't imagine my life without my two little ones.
I agree with Lynilu - keep your dreams!!
patticake--i guess the saying "the most precious things are worth the wait" is true with Maddie as well as any future children I may have.
casey--laura and i talk all the time about this. she read my post and said that what i wrote was not completly her side. i think she worries a lot about the whole same sex family thing. we live in the middle of a very conservative state. we would have to move where our child would be welcomed without questions. and that isn't going to happen here in kansas city. sad, but true. at least for now.
You could always move to Washington State. I just happen to know of a few really nice houses on the market. :)
casey--i would love to, but laura says if we move we are moving somewhere that is sunny 99% of the time. i prefer cool, cloudy days,but i am willing to give up my cool, cloudy days for a baby. but who knows...she may suddendly decide after this current heat wave that she likes is cool
Sweetie, I understand Laura's reservations. I was just having a conversation with my daughter last night and asked her about life with a lesbian mother. She said that life is good, it's just the others don't get it. Laura's concerns are real.
We have friends, Ann and Michelle, who just had a baby boy. Although we live in the same town as Jerry Falwell, that little boy is surrounded in love.
There is a lot of hate in the world, but that shouldn't stop us from having our dreams and spreading our love.
tropopause--i also think about what it would be like for a child that has gay parents. i think that is why it's important to live somewhere that is more diverse. missouri is not that place. lots to think about
traci--i am up for the challenge
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