Friday, March 03, 2006

JW Humor

It's been a while since I have posted anything about Jehovah's Witnesses and I thought today would be a wonderful day to post something. Here is a cartoon I found on the net. And I swear the two guys in the cartoon were in my congregation. What the cartoon says is so true. Not only are JW's blatant, but they also have no regard for your

privacy. They couldn't care if you were in the middle of something. They will just try to kill you with their fake kindness. How do I know their kindness is fake? My own experience. How can you one minute call someone your "brother or sister" and then the next minute want nothing to do with them. FAKE, FAKE, FAKE.

When I was disfellowshipped the first time I went back for the Memorial. Let me explain what the Memorial is. There is only one holiday that JW's will celebrate and it's called The Memorial. They celebrate it the same night as the first night of Passover. (or maybe the night before passover)'s usually right around the same time as Easter. They "celebrate" Jesus' death. So, this first time I was disfellowshipped I went back to the Memorial just to please my Mother. I had a friend go with me. The next day she gave her view on the whole situation. She said they are well dressed robots. That is so true. The next time JW's come walking down your street, watch them. They move just like robots. They are spoon fed everything they are suppose to say when they are out in neighborhoods. Whenever I see them walking down the street I always feel sorry for the kids. You know the kids do not want to be there. I remember my Mom forcing me to go out door to door. I hated it so much. How awakward is it for you when you are a teenager to have to go up to complete strangers and tell them about your church and try to get them to convert. It's torture. Did I mention that you are required to get at least a few hours in a month? If you don't the Elders come knocking on your door wondering why you aren't sharing the good news. Give me a fucking break.

When I was a small child I used to answer questions at church because it made my Mom happy. Well, once I hit my teenage years I didn't want to answer any more questions. My Mom would do anything to get me to answer. She would bribe me...anything to make it look like her daughter was growing up to be a well dressed robot. She even did that after I was married. I was no longer living with her but she would still say, "aren't you going to answer".

You can not imagine how much of a relief it is to not be involved in that religion anymore. They know who I am and I don't have to hide anything. Every once in a while I run into a JW in a store. They just stare at me like, "I can't believe Jehovah has allowed her to continue living even though she is so evil". They do looked shocked to see that I am out and about. I always smile to them. I want them to see that I am not ashamed of who I am or where I am in my life. They don't know what to do when I smile at them. When the JW's come to my door and I explain to them that I am disfellowshipped you should see them run. It's as if they have just seen the devil. I think it's funny as hell to see their facial expressions change when I tell them that I am disfellowshipped. Always gives me a good laugh.


Sandra said...

In the Baptist church at about age 12 you were expected to go "Soulwinning" every Thursday night. Door-knocking, winning souls, then meeting back at the church to turn in your "score". My little girlfriends and I would go hang out at drugstore, drink cokes, and then go back and report our soul count. We weren't any more dishonest or ridiculous than the ones who actually pounded on doors and disturbed people, at least that's how we looked at it.

Casey said...

Wow. I've always been curious about the JW's and I like having someone who gives the real scoop. It sounds like quite the experience.

Caroline said...

This person commented on a post from a time ago. But thought it was interesting for this post as well.

Up close and personal Jehovah's Witnesses can be wolves in sheep's clothing.

Think about this-When the devil comes knocking on your door he may not have the 'dark goth look'.They could be smartly dressed and wielding the Christian Bible.

I have Jehovah's Witnesses family in the usa who practice the Watchtower JW enforced ritual shunning that i have not seen or heard from in 15 years.

The central CORE dogma of the Watchtower is Jesus second coming (invisibly) in 1914 and is a lie.Jehovah's Witnesses are a spin-off of the man made Millerite movement of 1840.

A destructive cult of false teachings, that frequently result in spiritual and psychological abuse, as well as needless deaths (bogus blood transfusion ban).

Yes,you can 'check out anytime you want but you can never leave',because they can and will hold your family hostage.

The world has the Internet now,and there are tens of thousands of pages up from disgruntled ex-Jehovah's Witnesses like myself who have been abused by the Watchtower cult.

Jehovah's Witnesses are often a mouth that prays a hand that kills.The Watchtower is a truly Orwellian world.
Danny Haszard former Jehovah's Witness X 33 years and 3rd generation


Anonymous said...

A couple I knew kept getting interrupted from their weekend morning ritual when the JWs would knock on their door. Initially, my friends accepted the literature, but when it kept happening, they asked them to stop coming around. Frustrated, one morning they opened their front door and invited their "guests" in to discuss the Watchtower, have coffee, juice, whatever...the JWs hurried away and never came back as their host and hostess were extending their hospitality in the nude.

Zoe said...

Is going door to door actually an effective form of recruitement? I'm just curious.

Shirky said...

one thing I found funny about the door-to-door JWs was that they seemed to have a different pamphlet for every percieved "group".
When I was young, they would hand me something designed for "young people". When my wife answers the door, they hand her one that must be intended for "non-white" people--with pictures of black/brown/beige faces.
The last time they came around I could just see they didn't know how to peg me. The woman shuffled through her packet--let's see, she's not a teenager, she's not a mother, she's not elderly...WHERE DOES SHE FIT??
I think I ended up with one on "fashion". (maybe I was dressed like a jerk?)

Caroline said...

sandra--i didn't know that about the baptist religion. funny what you and your friends did

casey--there are only more stories to come

anonymous--i've heard of people doing that before..i think it's funny

zoe--NO, it's not. You get turned away at the door more then invited in

shirky--that is the funny thing..they tell you to prepare for who answers the should always have material available for all different types of people you run into at the door