It's 12:26am and waaaaay past my bedtime. Susan and I decided that since Topeka was just 1 hour away I should drive there after work so we could spend a couple hours together. She had dinner waiting for me and then we headed out to Kohl's to look for some new shoes for me. She hates (and that is putting it mildly) my Crocs. I know I need some different shoes because my feet really hurt by the end of the day and the fact that I have fallen twice in the last month is a sign that my love affair with my Crocs is coming to an end. I think I will always have a pair in the summer time, but I think with winter right around the corner I need something that will provide me better traction. I found a couple pairs that I will go back and get when I get paid on Friday.
Tonight we talked a little about Thanksgiving and Christmas and I am actually excited about these holidays this year. Last year I was dreading the holidays because I didn't want to spend them alone. I didn't spend them alone (because I have awesome friends), but having someone special during the holidays is always nice. There is no question who I will be spending the holidays with this year.
Last weekend I had a pretty disturbing dream about my Dad. I had a dream that he had passed away and I only found out when his lawyer called talking about his will. Ever since that dream I have not been able to get him out of my mind and I wonder how he is doing. I am not going to send an email or call because I have reached out so many times only to have my heart broken. I have decided that I will not contact my family again and if they want to get in contact with me they know how to. You have no idea how tired I am of being rejected by them over and over again. Letting go is so hard; especially when you know they are still alive.
One last thing before I head to bed: If you were to take a picture of my heart, this is what you would see.