Sunday, August 03, 2008

Almost 3 Years

I need to remind myself not to watch sad movies when I am already feeling emotional. Yesterday I watched "Transamerica" and "Boys on the Side" and by the time I went to bed last night my eyes were so puffy I could barely see. Both are great movies, but probably not the best for me yesterday. I probably should have stuck with reruns of The King of Queens.

The last few weeks I have been feeling very anxious and overly emotional. I was feeling the worst early last week. Not only was I PMSing, but I had gone 5 days without my beloved Celexa. I had run out on Thursday and waited until 8:30pm on a Sunday to go pick up my refill. Well, the pharmacy was closed so I had to wait another day and by this point my body was having serious withdrawals. I was waking up with a knot in my stomach and every time I turned my head quickly I would get these electrical shocks in my head. So, I think the fact that I was PMSing, had not taken the Celexa and it being very hot outside was even the smallest things seem overwhelming.

I get my Celexa from my family doctor and I am thinking that maybe I need to break down and pay the $50 co-pay to go see a psychiatrist. The last time I went to my family doctor I meant to say something about how I felt the Celexa was not working as well, but I forgot because she was more concerned about the weight I needed to lose. In the past I have taken Xanax to curb some of the anxiety I feel, but my family doctor refuses to prescribe it to me. Even after telling her that I work in a substance abuse treatment center, she said they don't like to give out RX's for it. It sucks that Xanax has been so abused that those that could really use it can't get it. I don't need something everyday for anxiety, just every once in a while. So that is why I am thinking of going to a psychiatrist because they would have more knowledge on what would be the best thing for me to take.

I am also pretty confident that cooler temps would help my mood tremendously. I went out to the grocery store this morning with plans to come home and go to the pool. Once I got home I decided it was too hot to go to the pool and instead I have opted to say in where it's cool.

Friday will mark 3 years that I have been blogging. I think it's a good time for me to reflect on all that has happened in my life in the last 3 years. Even though there are many days where I don't feel strong, it's hard not to see my strength when I re-read some of what I have been through. I plan on telling you guys what my top 10 favorite posts have been, so be sure to check it out on Friday.


amy h said...

Dude, you shouldn't go a few days without your prescription -- that can mess you up to go cold turkey. I forgot to take my Lexapro until about 4 today (I usually take it in the morning), and I was getting all dizzy and disoriented.

It doesn't sound like your doc knows you well enough -- I'd definitely look into someone more specialized...

Lynilu said...

Yeah, what Amy said. I think you should consider a different health care professional. I don't think this one is helping you.

Your 3 years of blogging are a great measure of how you've progressed in your life. You have.

I watched "Boys on the side" this weekend, too. I'd forgotten how good the movie is.

Sandra said...

You're so right about movies, in my most upset state last night, I ended up watching "Girl, Interrupted" just because it was on, and I didn't feel like looking for the remote. Lemme tell ya, it did not help my mood!!!

Julie said...

At least you watched quality movies - I stumbled on "The Texas Cheerleader" movie and thats 2 hours of my life I will never get back.
As hard as it is, remember that you have made so much progress and moods are just a part of life no matter what.

Monogram Queen said...

Happy Blogaversary! I called you Saturday night!