Sunday, April 13, 2008

Taking Back My Health

I have always had problems with how I feel about my body and I know it goes back to how my Father would talk to me about my weight. I was not an overweight child and even as a teenager I was not overweight. I did the typical things that teenagers did and ate lots of junk. But I was so active that it didn't matter. My Dad was always so harsh and always made me feel like I was fat. Here is a picture of me when I had just turned 21:
I was probably a size 12 or 14; which is the perfect size for my body. Looking back at pictures of myself during that time I wonder how in the world I could think I was fat. But I guess when you are told over and over again that you need to be on a diet then you start to believe it. The first time I went on a diet I was 15 years old. My parents thought I was too fat and took me to one of those clinics for a liquid diet. It was horrible. I remember sitting at the lunch table in high school drinking my chicken broth while everyone else had normal lunches. One week when I went to weigh in I had only last 1/2 pound and the lady asked if I had eaten anything. I confessed to having some cheese from a friends salad. The lady looked at me and said if I wanted to lose this weight I would have to follow the diet with no cheating. I have no idea how or why my parents would submit me to this because sadly this affected me my entire life.

Within 6 months of getting married I put on about 40 pounds. I now know why I gained all that weight; I was miserable. I often times wonder how my life would have turned out differently if my parents had encouraged me to be who I am and to love myself. I guess I can't expect them to teach me that when they couldn't even do that for me.

Last week when I decided to quit smoking I made a decision to take back my health. Last January I tried to take back my health and lost a lot of weight. But when Laura and I broke up I had other things to worry about. Now that things have calmed down I feel like I am ready to get healthy again, this time for good. And quitting smoking was just the beginning. I think for so long I figured that since I was smoking it didn't matter what I ate since I was destroying my body anyway.

I told Lynilu tonight that I really have no appetite. I find this so amazing because most people eat a lot when they quit smoking. Not me; in fact I am finding that I am having to force myself to eat. I have been taking my lunch 4 days a week and just eating out once. Not only is this good for my health, but it really nice for my pocketbook.

Tonight I spent an hour getting all my fruits and vegetables ready for the work week. As I looked in my fridge I couldn't believe this was my fridge I was looking in. And to prove that it is mine, I took a picture:
It amazes me that 80% of my fridge is healthy food. It feels good taking charge of my health.
Sophie was very curious about why I was standing with the fridge wide open taking pictures. One thing I have learned about Sophie is she loves lettuce. When I am cutting up my lettuce she sits there patiently waiting for me to throw her a few pieces. Looks like I am not the only one ready to get healthy.

11 comments:

Julie said...

I love how it all goes hand in hand! When you start just listening to your body, you find out when you are hungry and what it wants. Diets suck because they force you to think about it all the time. There is this theory about focusing on something so much that you give it more energy than it deserves.
Awesome!! Seems like you are taking your life back!

trinity2 said...

That's funny that Sophie likes lettuce! Fridge looks good!

Sonya said...

YAY for you! I'm glad you are feeling motivated to make these big changes.

I agree... skip the "diet" and focus on how your body feels. Feed it healthy foods and it will feel good. I like to look at it as a lifestyle change... not "dieting".

Keep up the great work!

Anonymous said...

the jane fonda autobiography- i recommend that book.. if you have not already read it...

carolyn in austin

Patti said...

Best of luck, you are the exception to the rule and will LOSE weight while stopping the smoking. It is a shame your parents did that to you as well. They have alot of karma to answer for. A lot.

Sandra said...

Sophie is just so dang cute. You are doing so well, keep going!!!!

redfrog27 said...

healthy is good its fummy my daughters teacher called me this afternoon to tell me pudding was not considered healthy and I said to her well she just had braces put on thursday and is not eating a lot of solid foods yet so what can I do and she replied we have a fridge send yogurt that is what i wanted to send in the first place but didnt want it to spoil,I think everyone is going healthy its about time too

Melissa said...

This is amazing. I'm going to remember this post when I'm having a food struggle. Thanks for talking about the decision to take back your health. It's an important one and not many people describe it as a decision. It's pretty inspiring to read your posts.

traci said...

Your dog eats lettuce??? That is so funny!!! I love it! You are doing good work Caroline! Way to go!

Lynn said...

If that is Mott's blueberry applesauce on the left hand side of your middle shelf, then I say YUM!!

Lynn said...

Oh - and I quit smoking before, too. It was pure hell, but I think it was because of existing anxiety problems surrounding some major baggage I had never examined. I didn't feel many cravings or have appetite or weight changes, but I had lots of problems with insomnia and really, really bad panic attacks. I think I had been using cigarettes to 'drug' my brain and keep stuff out, so I didn't know what to do without the damn things. I guess they worked better than medication for me. I started smoking again because I thought I was going to lose my mind. Seriously. Now that I have been working on the problem, I might try again. I still have problems, but as bad as they can be sometimes, they used to be MUCH worse and I no longer need medication. Maybe I don't need the smokes, either. I don't know when I will take the plunge, but it's been on my mind lately. I'll be thinking of you, Caroline. Do your best and I am hoping really good things for the prosperity of your health. You deserve good things.