I was probably a size 12 or 14; which is the perfect size for my body. Looking back at pictures of myself during that time I wonder how in the world I could think I was fat. But I guess when you are told over and over again that you need to be on a diet then you start to believe it. The first time I went on a diet I was 15 years old. My parents thought I was too fat and took me to one of those clinics for a liquid diet. It was horrible. I remember sitting at the lunch table in high school drinking my chicken broth while everyone else had normal lunches. One week when I went to weigh in I had only last 1/2 pound and the lady asked if I had eaten anything. I confessed to having some cheese from a friends salad. The lady looked at me and said if I wanted to lose this weight I would have to follow the diet with no cheating. I have no idea how or why my parents would submit me to this because sadly this affected me my entire life.
Within 6 months of getting married I put on about 40 pounds. I now know why I gained all that weight; I was miserable. I often times wonder how my life would have turned out differently if my parents had encouraged me to be who I am and to love myself. I guess I can't expect them to teach me that when they couldn't even do that for me.
Last week when I decided to quit smoking I made a decision to take back my health. Last January I tried to take back my health and lost a lot of weight. But when Laura and I broke up I had other things to worry about. Now that things have calmed down I feel like I am ready to get healthy again, this time for good. And quitting smoking was just the beginning. I think for so long I figured that since I was smoking it didn't matter what I ate since I was destroying my body anyway.
I told Lynilu tonight that I really have no appetite. I find this so amazing because most people eat a lot when they quit smoking. Not me; in fact I am finding that I am having to force myself to eat. I have been taking my lunch 4 days a week and just eating out once. Not only is this good for my health, but it really nice for my pocketbook.
Tonight I spent an hour getting all my fruits and vegetables ready for the work week. As I looked in my fridge I couldn't believe this was my fridge I was looking in. And to prove that it is mine, I took a picture:
It amazes me that 80% of my fridge is healthy food. It feels good taking charge of my health.
Sophie was very curious about why I was standing with the fridge wide open taking pictures. One thing I have learned about Sophie is she loves lettuce. When I am cutting up my lettuce she sits there patiently waiting for me to throw her a few pieces. Looks like I am not the only one ready to get healthy.