Wednesday, April 02, 2008

I Go Back

I was just sitting in my office (working on my evaluations) when a Keith Urban song came on the radio and it took me back almost 4 years ago. Laura and I had been dating for 3 months and we took a weekend trip together. As we were driving this song came on the radio and I remember looking over at Laura watching her sing and thinking how happy and lucky I was.

For some reason today hearing that song caused this huge sadness and my heart literally felt like it was breaking all over again.

I do not want Laura back (especially after this past year and all the events), but I am sad about how things ended and how betrayed I was in the end. I am sad that I gave my heart and soul to someone that had no right to have it in the first place. I am sad that I loved someone more then I loved myself.

I used to think that I was so lucky to have someone as beautiful as Laura and wondered how that worked out because I have never found myself that attractive. When we broke up I thought that I would never find someone as beautiful as she was. And still today I wonder if I will ever find someone as beautiful as I thought Laura was. I used to be so proud that she was my partner.

And now things are so different. I still think Laura is pretty, but her personality really makes that beauty fade...a lot.

I normally love hearing songs that take me back to good times, but when the good times are now overshadowed by lies and deceit, it's no fun going back.

4 comments:

Lynilu said...

Ahhh, when you really love someone, it doesn't stop just because of the breakup. It changes, for sure, but that's part of you forever. I'm glad that you were able to love as deeply as you did (and I know you did). That tells me you will be able to love deeply and sincerely again. It's a good thing, but I'm sorry you had to go through that year of healing.

traci said...

{{{{{Caroline}}}}}

Kerry said...

I think we always have sad moments for people we have loved. As Lynilu said it does stay a apart of you forever. Look at in the view of how far you have come in just a year.You have made it on your own.

Patti said...

I always thought Laura had gorgeous hair but knowing what I know about her now and how rotten she is on the inside makes me think of her hair as the pelt of a slick weasel or some equally nauseous creature.

I guess the best I can say is be happy you had that love and enjoyed it while it was. You will find it again, with someone who is beautiful in spirit as well in looks to you and it will be ten times better than what you had with the cheating skank, I mean Laura.