Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Cranky Tuesday

Today has been a long day. Last night I did not sleep well at all. I am very lucky because I have never had sleep problems; either falling asleep or staying asleep. Last night around 11pm I felt like I was having a panic attack, which is something that does not happen that often. The panic attacks I have had in the past are always calmed down by smoking. So last night I struggled to stay calm without my usual coping skills. I finally laid down around midnight, but was up 2-3 times before I feel asleep around 1am. But I couldn't stay asleep. I was up at least once an hour and around 4am I woke up coughing and couldn't stop. When I have had coughing spells in the past smoking has always calmed the coughing down. Thankfully some water helped. Then Sophie got me up at 6am to go outside and I decided to just stay up.

So.....today has been a struggle. I am tired, crabby and just not in a good mood. I have no idea where this panic attack came from because I was having a really good night last night. It's probably just my mind playing tricks on me making me think I need to smoke.

I also get stop worrying about my best friend and if I have upset her in some way. I know this is just the way she is and sometimes she just becomes very distant with me, but eventually comes back around. I told myself that I was not going to email or call her, but I found myself emailing her this morning. I put on my happy face (I am really good at that) and asked her how her weekend was, etc. I did say that I had not smoked in one week. I have yet to hear from her.

We are having beautiful weather here, so tonight I am going to take Sophie for an extra long walk and maybe even order dinner in instead of cooking something.

Thank you guys so much for going over and making MJ feel welcome. And if you haven't yet, be sure to say HI to her.

*Picture taken last week as a storm was coming in*

11 comments:

Julie said...

Oh, man - that is exactly me right now. The panic attacks = arrgghh! Hang in there, they will pass!

Lynilu said...

I almost called you last night, just for the heck of it, then I realized it was 10:00 my time, 11:00 yours, so I didn't. Now I'm sorry I didn't. :( Good luck on tonight! And, BTW, congratulations on NOT SMOKING even with the anxiety!! Proud of you!!!!

redfrog27 said...

wtg on the not smoking either I have learned the sand man is fickle

Audra said...

Hey! I just saw a commercial for this:
http://becomeanex.org/

and I thought of you, maybe it can be an extra help :)

Anonymous said...

WTG Caroline.....you are doing so well. There will be days when a cigarette would fix everything....but then you would have to start all over again. BTW is the "good friend" a smoker. If so, she might be envious of your determination working so well. I'm sure I was a regular bitch for a few weeks, this too will pass.

Ruth

traci said...

The best thing I ever learned to do during a panic attack is deep diaphragmatic (how on earth do you spell that?) breathing. If you breathe in as deeply as possible and hold it in as long as you can and release it as slowly as possible...then continue repeating the process until you feel light headed, it will help. Honest. I didn't believe it either until I tried it. You are doing a fabulous job!

trinity2 said...

It's just the nicotine withdrawls working on your body. The sleeplessness and panic attacks happen. Good job on not breaking down and having a cig - I know that was hard! Let the friend stuff roll off and be good to yourself! :)

Sandra said...

Check out this article. It's actually very common to cough more or develop a cough in the two weeks after quitting! So you're perfectly normal in every way.

Patti said...

You are doing so good! Keep it up!

Daisy said...

Keep up the good work on not smoking. Hope you get a good night's sleep.

Pat said...

I quit smoking 10 years ago. I finally realized that the trick to quitting is the following:

1. You have to truly WANT to quit.
2. You have to want to quit for the right reasons.
3. If you fall off the wagon, you have to forgive yourself and get back on it, NOT accept the failure and go back to smoking.
4. There's no such thing as being "out of the woods."
5. Getting over the nicotone addiction is the easy part. Controlling the behaviors is the difficult part. Participate more in the activities you typically DIDN'T smoke during.
6. Sever your relationships (if possible) with those that would smoke around you without regard for your efforts -- they don't respect what you're doing and you set yourself up for failure.

Best best best of luck to you.