Today has been a long day. Last night I did not sleep well at all. I am very lucky because I have never had sleep problems; either falling asleep or staying asleep. Last night around 11pm I felt like I was having a panic attack, which is something that does not happen that often. The panic attacks I have had in the past are always calmed down by smoking. So last night I struggled to stay calm without my usual coping skills. I finally laid down around midnight, but was up 2-3 times before I feel asleep around 1am. But I couldn't stay asleep. I was up at least once an hour and around 4am I woke up coughing and couldn't stop. When I have had coughing spells in the past smoking has always calmed the coughing down. Thankfully some water helped. Then Sophie got me up at 6am to go outside and I decided to just stay up.
So.....today has been a struggle. I am tired, crabby and just not in a good mood. I have no idea where this panic attack came from because I was having a really good night last night. It's probably just my mind playing tricks on me making me think I need to smoke.
I also get stop worrying about my best friend and if I have upset her in some way. I know this is just the way she is and sometimes she just becomes very distant with me, but eventually comes back around. I told myself that I was not going to email or call her, but I found myself emailing her this morning. I put on my happy face (I am really good at that) and asked her how her weekend was, etc. I did say that I had not smoked in one week. I have yet to hear from her.
We are having beautiful weather here, so tonight I am going to take Sophie for an extra long walk and maybe even order dinner in instead of cooking something.
Thank you guys so much for going over and making MJ feel welcome. And if you haven't yet, be sure to say HI to her.
*Picture taken last week as a storm was coming in*