When I was growing up my Dads parents lived in a small town in Northern Minnesota. Their house was right on a small lake and I used to love to go swimming in this lake. One of the things that I was fascinated with was the Lilly pads. They kind of creeped me out as well because I could feel the vines (??) as I would swim in between them. I loved everything about my Grandparents house in Minnesota. I loved the way it smelled, the way it was cold in the winter unless you were right by the fireplace and I loved the lake they lived on. I still remember how excited I was the one year we drove there and I woke up as we were pulling into their driveway. Keep in mind their driveway was about 1/2 mile long. As we pulled in and I woke up, I asked my parents how much longer. They joked with me and said we still had a few more hours. As I looked around I realized that we were just a few feet from their house. I remember running into the house when we pulled up and it being really late. My parents told me to be quiet and not to wake my Grandmother. But I couldn't wait to see her and I went running into her room. As any good Grandmother would do, my Grandma was thrilled to see me even though it was the middle of the night and I woke her up. I think I even slept in her room that night.
I was reminded of not only the Lilly pads on the lake, but of pulling up to their house in the middle of the night tonight while talking to my very good friend. It's amazing how one small thing someone says to you can bring back so many memories. I don't think I had really thought about those Lilly pads in years until tonight.
This has not been the best weekend. I continue to struggle with my depression and know that something has to change and it's only up to me to make that change. I need to stop talking about it and actually do something. While I was talking with Lynilu tonight she helped me realize that while there is a lot going on and the hits just keep coming I need to hang on. I need to hang on to whatever I can because really if I give up, I am not the only one that will lose.
As I look around me I am searching for that next Lilly pad to jump onto. The one that I am currently on is old and it's only bringing me down. Here's the problem: I don't see any other Lilly pads ahead of me. I keep searching, but right now I can't see any.
But somehow I will continue to look. Who knows, it might be right in front of my eyes.