I have this horrible habit of not living in the moment, but looking back to the past or looking forward to the future. For instance right now I am thinking of two things. 1) What I was doing a year ago right now and how things have changed 2) Our upcoming trip to Florida in April. This horrible habit of mine started when I was a child going to summer camp. I would drive my parents crazy for the first few weeks after I returned saying things like, "if I was at camp I would be in this activitiy" or "if I was at camp right now we would be waiting for the bell to ring so we could walk up to the dining hall". It drove them nuts and they always told me that it did.
Even after I got married I did the same thing and I know it drove James nuts. When it was coming up on our first anniversary I would tell him exactly what we were doing a year before. He was a little kinder then my parents and would simply sit and listen to me and smile. I knew he really wasn't listening, but it was nice knowing that he was at least pretending to listen and to enjoy what I was saying.
Over the years I have gotten better at not living too much in the past. I think part of it is I am really enjoying every moment of my life right now. Instead of looking back on how good things were at one point, things continue to get better for me. Each day brings a new happiness that I didn't think I would ever have. I think the first year or so that Laura and I were together I think I was in complete shock that yes things can continue to get better and that the beginning of a relationship is not the best it's ever going to be, but that it continues to get better with each day. It was a whole new concept to me.
My lesson for the day: I don't care what I was doing a year ago today. And yes I am looking forward to our trip in April, but if I continue to live with the what I was doing or what I will be doing I will be missing out a whole lot of life. It's time to literally stop and smell the roses that are all around me. I need to take a deep breathe and enjoy each day even if that means sitting on the couch watching "The Facts of Life" on DVD.
*Sorry if there are any words spelled wrong. For some reason blogger won't let me use spellcheck and I don't have Laura here to proof read*
9 comments:
Firefox 2.0 has a spell-checker built into the browser. Not a criticism of your spelling, just something that might assist you.
Well, this was one hell of a revelation. I like everything you said, but I also like the memories. It's all good, yesterday, the present, and tomorrow.
I'm like you, Caroline. I often look back and say "This time last year..." or whatever For example: two years ago today I was still pregnant with baby K. *sigh*). I think it's human. Tomorrow I'll my blog I plan to have a post something to the effect of "Ten years ago today...." Watch for it. :)
anonymous--thanks
laura--i like how you said that. it's all good. and yet another reason why i love you so
casey--oh, i can't wait to see your post tomorrow.
It may be a little cornball, but they do say,
Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow is a mystery.
Today is a gift. That's why it's called the present.
Oh, I suspect that old stuff came from your never being quite comfortable and feeling valued for who you are. I agree with Laura about the good in each, but with Sandra that *right now* is the best. I don't ignore the past or future, but I try to enjoy *right now* because it is special and will never be here again. Who I am right now is something to be reckoned with and proud of! When I'm not feeling good about myself is when I retreat into memories or begin wishing for something different in my future. So you are right on in your personal growth!! Yay for you and for Laura!!!
I've had the same problem with blogger spellcheck, too. grrr.
sandra--i like that saying. thanks for sharing
lynilu--i think i learned from you the best about living in the moment.
Right on, sister.
This is a post that I could have written. My problem isn't looking back on the past, but planning too much for the future, thinking things like, "if only this would change or maybe when this happens later things will be better".
The fact that you recognize this now is a huge step in the right direction. Cherish what you have and who you have. Live in the here and now....something so hard to do, yet so important to learn.
But hey, you can still look forward to your committement ceremony! :)
Live in the moment - something we all have to remind ourselves from time to time. I'm bad about "what's coming up". I need to be satisfied with NOW.
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