She Has No Idea....

......that she is 22.

I love the way she just walks away at the end.

Quiet Saturday

I have been keeping my right foot elevated with a chair and this pillow and yesterday Ben decided that the pillow was a perfect place for a nap. He's so cute.

This morning I went back to the doctor and I am still waiting to feel better. I will be going for treatments everyday through next week and then will go to every other day. All of the staff has been wonderful and always nice to me, which makes it nice. After the doctor I did some grocery shopping and then did laundry. It was actually a very quiet day, but as usual by 5pm I was exhausted.

I noticed today that local TV programs are soooooo boring on Saturdays. There was nothing on but basketball and paid programming. Maybe I miss cable a little bit.

Tomorrow is someones birthday:
I can't believe she will be 22 tomorrow. She may actually out live me.

It's Friday and I am Exhausted

Yesterday I was not feeling well and pretty sore so I decided to take the day off from work. Not only am I really sore, but I get tired so easily. I am having problems with my right ankle (and leg) so walking anywhere has been a struggle and just wears me out. I am having back spasms, neck spasms and pain and just overall feel like crap. I am having trouble sleeping at night because I can't get in a position that is comfortable. I feel so old.

I started my treatments yesterday for my neck, back and right ankle. Right now I am mainly getting warm electrical treatments on the muscles. It feels so good and they put a huge heating pad on my back during the treatments. When I am laying there I feel no pain. The Doctor has tried to do some adjustments, but I have a lot more healing to do before he can actually do some good. I go every day (including Saturdays) for the treatments and I am waiting for the day when I start feeling better afterwards. Right now I feel a little more sore when I leave, but the Doctor has guaranteed me that soon I will feel better. I hope so.

I have an appointment on Tuesday with a lawyer and I feel good about that. Until I made that appointment I kind of felt alone in this whole thing and now I know that I will soon have someone out there working for me to help me recover what I have lost in this whole mess.

Yesterday the claims adjuster called me and offered me $3000 less for my car then what I owe. I really had no choice but to settle with the property damage. My car is being brought to a lot in Kansas City, so hopefully Monday I can go get my things out of the car. I am going to take a lot more pictures of the car as well. I think the ones I have are good, but I don't think it will hurt to take some more in different views. I am going to try to pry off the H that is in the back for a memento. Since the back is all smashed up, I don't think they will notice or care.

Yesterday I took my cable box and turned it in, so I am on day 2 without cable. A co-worker is letting me use his digital converter so I at least can get the local channels. It's really not that bad and I am thinking that maybe I should have done this a long time ago. I realized today that this is the first time (that I remember) in my life where I have not had cable. I was talking to a co-worker today about how people were joking that I was spoiled and she said, "you weren't spoiled, just taken care of really well." I liked the way she rephrased that. I remember when I was 8 or 9 watching VH1 and MTV with my Mom and we were so excited about the music videos. I think one of the channels I will miss the most is Lifetime. I love those Lifetime movies.

Thank you so much for all your comments and emails about me going private. It means so much to me that so many of you want to continue to follow me on my journey. I am thankful for each of you. And all you lurkers...you need to comment more often. :)

I get to see S on Sunday and that makes me very happy. Last weekend was kind of spoiled because of the whole car wreck, so it will be nice to be able to just spend time with her without so many worries and concerns.

Happy Friday everyone.

Faith

Today has been a hard day. I heard from the claims adjuster and the amount they are going to pay me for my car and the amount I owe is about $3000 short. I guess I shouldn't say "I owe" because Laura's name is on the title and loan as well. I decided that I don't need to talk to her anymore and will be giving the claims adjuster her name and number so he can coordinate with her to sign off on the title. It will be nice having no more ties to her.

I know that I will get through this and probably be stronger, but it's just a struggle right now to see how it's all going to work out. I know I just need to trust the process and maybe this experience is teaching me how to stop worrying about things I have no control over.

Now I start looking for a car. It's probably going to take another week for all the paperwork to be signed, etc and then I will have 5 more days with the rental car. I am hoping to go looking for a car next week and hopefully I can find something fairly cheap and something I would like.

Tomorrow I am shutting off my cable and home phone. One of the shows that I am going to miss is the one with the Duggars. (the family with 18 kids) Tonight the oldest son gets married, so I am happy that I get to see this episode. Getting rid of cable will mean no more Little House, but thankfully one of my wonderful blogger friends sent me the first season on DVD last year. I am even thinking of not having cable once I move. I watch too much TV anyway, so hopefully not having cable will mean I will do more reading or spend time outside. Plus once I move, I will have S to entertain me. And to me.....that is way better then cable TV. :)

I just keep telling myself that it will all work out. I have no idea how...but I have faith that it will.

Official

This morning one of my co-workers took me to get my rental car. I got a brand new Ford Focus. It's so new that there was only 50 miles on it when I got in it. It's a cute little car, but I really do miss my Honda. :( There is part of me that really hopes they just total it because I know if they fix it I could still have problems, but it's hard because I really loved the car. I left a message for the adjuster today to see if he had heard anything about my car. I am anxious to get my belongings out of the car.

My day at work was good. I do so much walking at my job and I really noticed how sore I am. I called and got a claim # so I can now go to the doctor and have an appointment tomorrow at 9am. Today I was standing talking to one of my techs and all of a sudden I got a horrible back spasm. I have never had one before and it literally took my breathe away. Last night I woke up at 3am and had spams in my legs and had trouble getting back to sleep.

I turned in my official notice at work and my last day will be March 12. I started telling my techs, which has been very hard. Most of them have been shocked and very upset. There are a lot of changes going on at work and I know my timing is really bad, but this is an opportunity I can't pass up.

I called about this house today:
It's still for rent, so I sent off my application and hopefully it will soon become my home. I already feel like it's my home and I am already thinking of ways I want to decorate the inside and of course the outside during the holidays. :)

Tonight I stopped and gave notice of my apartment as well. So...it's all official now. There is a lot to do between now and mid-March, but I feel so good about all of it. And with all the stuff I am selling I won't have as much to move.

I may have a lot less "stuff", but life is still really good.

Update

I finally got a call from the claims adjuster and he said that after talking with the other driver they most likely will accept responsibility for the accident. He also set me up with a car rental, so it will be nice to have a car again. We are suppose to get some bad weather tonight, so hopefully I can find someone to take me to pick the car up tomorrow.

I am suppose to go back to work tomorrow, but boy is my head hurting. I have had a headache since the accident and today it seems to have gotten worse. I think I am going to try to get into to see someone tomorrow. I still have a knot on the back of my head and my neck hurts when I bend it back or to the side. I really do need to go to work because there are a few things I need to take care of since I have accepted another job.

I sold my coffee table and end tables and they were picked up tonight. I am also selling my kitchen table and chairs and several other things. It's going to be a struggle coming up with the money for my taxes/tags and deposit for a new place, but I know I can do it. I am also going to be shutting off my cable and home phone this week, which will save me $100/month. S is going to lend me one of the DTV converters she has so I will have some reception. And of course I will keep my Internet since I have a slight addiction to the net. Downsizing and simplifying my life feels good and something I should have done a long time ago. It will be a fresh start all the way around and I can't wait.

I took these pictures of Ben last night. He loves to lay on the chair where my computer usually is. Normally when I set the computer on the chair he will get up and move, but last night he just stood there.



Since I got home last night Ben wants to be right next to me. I really feel he senses that something happened to me and just wants to give me comfort. I love my babies.

New Favorite Quote

I found this quote as I was reading my blogs this morning waiting for the claims adjuster to call me back. I think it fits my situation perfectly.

“When a lot of things start going wrong all at once, it is to protect something big and lovely that is trying to get itself born- and that this something needs for you to be distracted so that it can be born as perfectly as possible.”

- Anne Lamott, “Traveling Mercies: Some thoughts on faith.”

My dream of living in the country with S is trying to be born and all these struggles I have experienced in the last few days are only labor pains and just like when a woman gives birth, once I am there I will quickly forget about all the pain.

So Much to Be Thankful For

I am done feeling sorry for myself. Even though I may not understand it right now, everything happens for a reason; even this car wreck.

I took this picture of Sophie yesterday morning before I dropped her off at my friends house. This picture is a reminder of all I have to be thankful for. So tonight this is what I am thankful for:

*I am thankful that Sophie was not with me when I had the accident.

*Part of the reason I was hit was because I was turning left into a Burger King because I had to use the bathroom. I am thankful that I did not pee my pants when the wreck happened. :)

*I am thankful that S was just 30 minutes away from the wreck. I am also thankful that I got to spend the afternoon, evening and night with her and allow her to just love and hold me. Her love is the best cure for anything bad.

*I am thankful that I was not seriously hurt. I am sore, but thankful that I wasn't driving faster then my very busy guardian angels.

*I am thankful that my call with Laura went OK.

*I am thankful for all my friends who have called me, helped me get home, and just told me they love me and are there for me.

*I am thankful for Craigslist because I have made some extra money tonight by selling some things. (anyone want to buy an iPod??)

Life is still very good and I have so much to be thankful for. And yes, I have been through things a lot worse in the last year....I can handle this.

LuLu

My poor LuLu.....




Please keep me in your prayers. I have no idea what I am going to do because the Kelly Blue Book value of my car is probably about $2-3,000 less then what I owe on it.

I feel so helpless sitting in my apartment away from the woman that I love and I have no car, I am not sure how long it's going to take for his insurance to kick in and get me a car rental and I have no money to get myself a rental and then be reimbursed.

Oh, and because my tags had expired (I was trying to save for the taxes on the car...long story) I got a ticket for expired tags. I have until 2/23/09 to come up with the $1300 for them.

I am trying really hard to have a positive attitude, but right now it's so hard to see how I am going to find myself out of this mess. I know I have made bad decisions and I wish I had done things differently.

I have to make a phone call today that I really don't want to make. I have to call Laura to tell her because her name was on the car and she needs to know and will probably need to sign some paperwork. She is the last person I want to talk to right now.

I have a knot on the back of my head that is killing me. I am pretty sure it is from my head hitting the back of my seat. This morning when I woke up I was laying on my back and I was in so much pain that it took me a few minutes to roll over to my side. If I can find a way to the Dr. tomorrow I might try to get it. It's weird because I think I feel OK and then I do something and my body reminds me that it is hurting.

My car is 1.5 hour away from me and I am worried about my belongings in it. They wouldn't give me time to get my stuff out because they had to get my car off the highway and once it was on the tow truck it was officially his property and he said I had to wait until the insurance company paid the bill. In the car was Brady's collar (I had it around the gear shift) and the tag from his collar.

I am completely overwhelmed right now...........

Another Announcement

On my way to S's house someone hit me from behind and my car is most likely totaled. I was turning left into a Burger King (I had to use the bathroom) when this person did not see that I was turning and hit me. My trunk was pushed into my back seat and the impact pushed the car 200 feet. I am pretty sore and not too sure what I am going to do now. This really was a horrible time for this to happen. All car rental places are closed until Monday, so I am kind of stuck of here with S which isn't that bad I guess. :) She will bring me home tomorrow so I can start the hard work of trying to settle this case.

The good thing is Sophie was not with me and I am OK.

But seriously...I should be celebrating my new job and looking for a place to live in my new town. This just really sucks, but I am also very happy that I am OK and still here.

I had my camera with me and will upload pictures tomorrow.

Huge Announcement

Here is the short version of my announcement:

Three weeks ago I decided I wanted to start looking for a job that was a lot closer to S and to follow my life long dream of living in the country.

Two weeks ago I got a call back from one of the resumes I sent out.

One week ago I interviewed at the hospital in this town.

Today I was offered a job as the hospital social worker and I accepted the job offer.

In less then 2 months I will be moving to a town of 3500 (and 2.5 hours west of KC) and be living just 30 minutes from the love of my life.

My life is so good right now.

Who wants to come help me pack and move?

Much more details to come.....

It's Almost Friday

I have been working really hard this month to eat better. I am taking my lunch everyday (except Fridays) and cooking each night when I get home. Not only am I saving a bunch of money, but I am feeling so much better. Now all I need to do is get my butt to the gym and I imagine I will start to lose some serious weight. I can't seem to get motivated for the gym and I am not sure why. I go back to the doctor on Feb. 5 and I was really hoping to have lost some weight by then. The good thing is I have been very faithful with my medications, so I know the doctor will be happy about that. She mentioned last time that I have not been the best with taking my meds and she is right. Last time I went to the doctor I was shocked at how high my sugars were and something inside me finally realized that just because I may feel OK my organs could still be damaged. I could also no longer deny the fact that I was diabetic.

Since we got that snow last Friday my car has been so dirty. This morning I was having a hard time seeing out my window so I decided it was time to go wash it. It looks like a new car and is so beautiful. I swear my car drives better when it's clean.

Sophie gets to spend Saturday night with her boyfriend Hank and I know she is just thrilled. Actually, Sophie is kind of anti-social so I don't know if she is actually that thrilled. It's really good for her because she comes home completely exhausted and usually sleeps for a whole day straight.

Tomorrow if Friday and it's the last weekend that I will have a weekend supervisor, so I am going to really enjoy this weekend.

Back to Work

Yesterday when I returned to work one of my techs had written this message for me. After a long weekend with S it was hard coming back to work, so it was nice seeing this message.

Yesterday was a great day to be an American. For about 45 minutes our entire agency just kind stopped and everyone (clients included) watched Obama being sworn in. It was neat watching the clients get so excited about the new President and be interested in the Inauguration. I am thankful that I got to watch it live and not just see clips from the news. My favorite part was when Obama said, "We must pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off." I really felt hope that our country was going to turn itself around after listening to his speech.

This week could bring a lot of changes in my life. I can't go into a lot of detail right now, but hopefully by the end of the week I will have an exciting announcement.

I did my taxes last night and I am getting $200 back from Federal and I owe Missouri $35. I wanted to see how much I would get back if I was filing as a married person and would you believe it was almost $1700. Right now, $1700 would really help me.
Maybe one day I will be able to file under the married status again.

How are you guys doing?

My Amazing Life

Saturday was a very lazy day around my house. Both the cats usually fight to sleep next to me on the couch and on this day Ben won. Watching a cat (or dog) sleep is sooo relaxing to me.

I had the privilege of spending the last two days with S and as always...it was wonderful. Our relationship is not perfect, but it's pretty darn close. We decided early on to always be best friends first and to always love with respect and kindness. When I was with Laura we always talked about being nice and treating each other with respect, but with S I feel like we actually are doing what we said we wanted to do.

We went shopping and I found this calendar:
It is the coolest calender and has lots of cool pictures. And the best thing...it was 75% off. Yay for sales. I love this show and can't wait for it to come back on. Does anyone know when it's coming back on??

We went and saw The Curious Life of Benjamin Button last night. What a wonderful movie. The cool thing is...his birth Mom has the same name as me. (before she got married) When her name was said both S and I looked at each other and laughed. It's not too often when I hear someone that has the exact name as me. There were a couple parts that really touched me and made me think about my own life. I think I was meant to see this movie right now and at times it was like the characters were speaking right to me. The most important thing I took away was...It's never too late to change your life.

S is so funny because this morning I moved around 5:30am and she said, "Oh, you're awake." Apparently she had been up for a while since she is used to getting up around 5am. Thankfully after a back rub she feel back asleep until 8am. We ended up staying in bed until almost 11am. I don't know about you, but there is nothing better then a lazy morning watching your favorite daytime shows in bed. It was a perfect morning.

Today was just another day where I looked back on how far I have come in the past year. A year ago I was getting ready to move into my apartment not knowing how my life was going to look even six months down the road. And here I am just 12 months later with so much love and friendship in my life that it's overflowing. The last 12 months have been very challenging, but I wouldn't change one single thing.

My Poor Neglected Blog

I was informed by someone that I am neglecting my blog and I need to blog more often. So...let's see....what has been going on.....

Yesterday was a totally crazy day. When I went to bed Thursday night the news said we might get a few flurries. When I woke up Friday morning I noticed it was a little brighter then normal and when I looked outside there was about an inch of snow on the ground and it was still snowing. I had planned on driving out to see S after lunch so I was praying that the roads weren't that bad. Well, the roads in KC were horrible. As I left my apartment complex there was someone in the ditch and there were about 4 wrecks on my way to work. It was crazy. By the afternoon the sun was out and most of the roads were clear.

I loved being able to meet S at her house when she got off work and we enjoyed dinner that her Mom had made. It's going to be nice when last night is what every Friday night is like.

By the time I got home, took Sophie for a walk and took care of a couple things with work I was exhausted. I was hoping to sleep in, but at 6:30am both of the cats woke me up because they were out of food. I was so tired last night that I forgot to stop and pick them up more food, so they paid me back by getting me up really early. So I was up and out of the house by 7am to go get my babies food. I would say that makes me a very good Mom, but the fact that they ran out completely kind of voids that.

After Walmart I ended up running a bunch of errands and then I came home and took a nap. S is coming down early tomorrow for rest of the weekend. She is off on Monday and I took the day off so we could spend some time with each other.

Here are some pictures from the last couple of days:

I love how Sophie and Bonk cuddle. I think it's so sweet how Sophie kind of looks after Bonk and is so gentle with her.

Here Sophie is pretending to be asleep so I will leave them alone.


What do you guys think of this house?
I found this house near S and I think it's so cute. Would you believe the rent is $200 less then what I am paying now? And there is a garage which is something I have really missed.

So that's what has been going on. I guess I do have a lot to blog about. :)

P.S. I totally want to see this movie.

Sophie's Surprise

If you read my post from earlier today you know that my day did not get off to a great start. When the maintenance guy was here this morning to let me in my apartment he said that I probably needed to have the weather stripping replaced and to call and schedule and appointment for them to do that. I forgot to do that today. When I got home I couldn't get in my apartment again. Damn. I tried and tried (boy does my finger hurt from this) but couldn't get in. By this point Sophie was barking and when I looked in the window this is what I saw:
Apparently Sophie was bored today and decided to get into the trash. She had spread it all over the apartment. Here's the bad thing...I knew that I had to call the maintenance people again to let me in my apartment. I was so embarrassed. Thankfully he unlocked the door and didn't look in. OH, and he said he would be back tomorrow morning at 8am to fix the door. He even said that he would make sure he was here when I left in case I had trouble locking the door. I thought that was nice.

Here is a picture of Sophie and her lovely surprise for me:


I work 1/2 day tomorrow and then I am off until Tuesday. I am so excited I can barely sit still.

Frigid

Right now the temperature is 0 and I am wishing it was sunny and 80 degrees. I think I am finally over this whole love of winter. I am ready for things to be green outside and for Sophie and I to be able to go for long walks.

Every time it gets really cold I have trouble locking and unlocking my apartment door. This morning when I took Sophie out for a walk it took me a couple tries, but I finally got the door locked. When we got back to the apartment I couldn't' get the door unlocked. I tried and tried, but finally stopped because I was afraid I was going to break the key. And wouldn't you know it, this was the one time I didn't have my cellphone. Luckily I saw one of the maintenance guys and he came over and tried a couple times and finally got it open. He told me to call in a maintenance order because it shouldn't be this hard to get open. I felt so bad for Sophie because when we got inside the hair around her mouth was full of ice. Poor baby was so cold. So I grab my stuff and when I try to lock the door it will not lock. I tried for about 5 minutes and finally I decided that it was not going to lock. So I call my boss and sit and wait for the office to open at 9am. I noticed someone was there around 8:30am and she said she would send someone over as soon as possible. About ten minutes later the maintenance guy shows up and after a few tries gets it locked. He looked at me and said, "it's working now". I told him that I should not have to struggle this much with getting my door locked and unlocked and he said they would replace the weather stripping because he thought that was causing the problem.

I have been struggling with things to write about on my blog because my life is so normal right now and I am sure you guys would get tired of me writing every day how wonderful S is. I am sure you guys would get tired of me saying how she is so sweet and how she loves to send me TXT messages that simply say, "You are the best part of my life." Every time I get one of her TXT messages or emails I have to pinch myself because I can't believe that this wonderful, smart and beautiful woman loves me and wants to spend the rest of her life with me. She always tells me she is the lucky one, but really...I am the lucky one.

So that's about it for now. Life is really good, a little cold, but really good.

103 Days

Today marks 103 days that I have been a non-smoker. Yay Me!! The first few days after I quit I remember thinking that 100 days seemed so far away, but I flew right past 100 days without evening realizing it. I actually had to sit down and count the days since I have lost count. I always knew I would have this whole smoking thing beat when I lost track of how many days I had not smoked. My next goal is 6 months because that is when MJ said she would buy me dinner at my favorite Mexican restaurant. :)

Last night I feel asleep on the couch at 8pm and only woke up because S called me at 10pm to say goodnight. Last Friday night I went to bed late and then was wide awake at 5:30am (I think I was excited about seeing S) and then of course I got very little sleep Saturday night, so I am wondering if that is why I am so tired lately. Or maybe it's the weather. It seems to be so much work to get dressed and bundled up to walk Sophie in the cold weather. This morning when I walked Sophie it was 7 degrees and by the time we got back to our apartment I couldn't feel my legs. I am taking 1/2 day on Friday and then taking Monday off so I am hoping I will get caught up on my sleep; or maybe not. :)

I am thinking of making my blog private again. I know for sure that when I eventually move closer to S I will be making this blog private because I have put a lot of stuff out there and living in a small town is so different then a major city where you can kind of disappear into the crowd. I will keep you guys updated on that.

Tonight I am having dinner with one of my really good friends. I have not seen her in ages, so it will be good catching up with her. As excited as I am to move closer to S, I know it's going to be a very emotional move as well. It's going to be so hard leaving the only place I have ever lived and of course it's going to be hard leaving all of my friends.

S and I were saying on Saturday how amazing it is that things are just falling into place for us to be together. Honestly....I couldn't have planned it better myself. (and I am a total planner) I have a feeling that this spring is going to be filled with lots of changes and really I can't wait.

My Weekend

Is it Sunday already? Why is it the week goes so sloooow, but the weekend just zips by. I miss my girl. I hate not being able to be with her everyday. And I really hate having to come back to the city.

Here are some pictures from the weekend.

Ben has decided that his favorite place to sleep is the arm of the couch. When I woke up Saturday morning this is how I found him sleeping. So sweet.

When I went to visit S I went a different way and part of the way was on the Kansas Toll. The drive seemed so much smoother, so I may drive this way from now on. On the way home today I pulled up to the toll to pay and I couldn't find my ticket. I ended up having to pull over and it took me about 5 minutes, but I finally found it. There was no way I was going to pay $15 for a $2 toll.


Yesterday S and I just went for a drive in the country. There is just something about the country that makes life slow down. I love how S is OK with me pulling over literally in the middle of nowhere to take pictures of a fence.

This is where I belong and I know one day very soon this dream of mine will be a reality.


When we turned the corner to go home I loved how the sun looked on these trees. Is it just me, or is even the brown of winter beautiful in the country? Yea, it's probably just me.


Sophie stayed with my friend L and as you can see she was just fine. L sent me this picture to show me how well she was adjusting. L and her husband just moved into a new house so we weren't sure how Sophie would do. When I went to pick up Sophie I don't think she wanted to leave. :)

I am already counting down the days until next weekend. On Friday I will be having dinner with S and her Mom and then on Saturday S is coming down to KC for the long weekend. I hope this week just flies by.

It's Friday

I think someone has been feeling neglected since I haven't posted pictures of her in a while. I know I am biased, but she is so darn cute.

Tomorrow morning I am getting up early and taking Sophie to my friends house for the night. S and I wanted to spend the whole day together (and maybe the night) and I didn't want Sophie to be locked up all day. I would take her with me, but I don't think she would be too happy about the 2 hour car ride.

I am going to enjoy the next couple of weekends because soon I will be on-call at work all the time. My weekend supervisor turned in her resignation and for right now we are not going to replace her. I just pray that I don't get a lot of calls or have to go in on the weekends.

Hope everyone has a great weekend.

6 Random Things

I took this picture last weekend when I was at S's house. She has this beautiful chandelier in her dining room and I thought this was a cool picture. S's house has so much character and I could literally walk around all day taking pictures. I was suppose to go see her on Sunday, but last night she asked if I could come on Saturday instead so I wouldn't have to rush back. Since I hate leaving Sophie alone all day (and she hates car rides) I decided to leave her with my friend for the day. This way I don't feel like I have to rush back. And I am excited because the next weekend she will come down to my place for the long weekend. Three whole days together...I can't wait.

A very long time ago Lynilu tagged me for this MeMe. Here are the rules from what I can remember:

1. List 6 random things about yourself
2. Tag 6 People to do the MeMe

So here goes.....

1. I love stale popcorn and chips. When I get take out from a Mexican restaurant I will often times wait to eat the chips until the next day. I also always take my popcorn home from the movies because there is nothing better then stale butter popcorn. Yum.

2. I can't stand Gloria Estefan's voice. There is this one Christmas song that they played a lot this year and every time I heard it it was the most horrible sound. Fingernails on a chalk board sound better then her voice.

3. I am really going to try to read more books in 2009 and not watch as much TV. I'll let you know how this goes. BTW, did anyone see the new Real World last night? They have a transgendered individual on there. Looks like it's going to be a good season.

4. I have been to 14 Hard Rock Cafes. When I was a teenager and that was the cool place to go, I said that one of my life's goals was to go to all of them.

5. When I was in elementary school I was put in a special class for people that had trouble reading and because of that I thought I was stupid. I find this interesting because I don't ever remember having problems with reading. I wonder if it was because I was just so quiet and shy.

6. I hate flavored water. I love the taste of regular water and when I drink flavored water I feel more thirsty.

That's it. I decided I am not going to tag anyone. Let me know if you play along.

Dreams

On Sunday S and I went for a drive and we came upon this old church. I have this new love for old churches/school houses and barns. I get all giddy when I think about how one day very soon I will see many barns and old buildings as I go to work.

The last 3 nights I have had some very interesting dreams. I really think my mind is trying to clear some things up before starting my new life with S. I have had dreams about the crazy woman that I moved in with for 2 weeks and several regarding my family and the church. The dreams about MG I show up at her house and the whole time I am wondering what happened to my life because things were so good and I don't understand why I am back with her.

The dreams about the church and my family have been a little more emotional. The first one I showed up at the church and everyone just kind of looked at me and then started yelling at me. Then the second one it was like I was in group therapy with someone from the church and my Mom's sister who was like a second Mom to me. I was telling the group how hard it was when I would run into my family at the store and they would not acknowledge me or when I would run into my Mom at the store, tell her I love her and she would walk away. (all of these things have happened) This other person from the church got up and hugged me and told me how sorry she was that I had to go through that. My aunt...she just sat there with no emotion. It was all very strange and sad at the same time.

There are going to be a lot of changes in the next few months and even though they are all good changes, there will still be some stress. I have sent out 5 resumes so far and heard from 2 places that say they are really interested in considering me for the position and I will be hearing from them in the next week. All of this is good, but last night I realized that I could be moving in the next couple of months. As excited as I am (and I am very excited), it is also a little scary. I talked to S last night and she did a wonderful job in calming me down and reminding me that I am not going to go through this by myself. All she had to say was, "You have me now and we are family" and I was calmed down. I have had many people in my life say that I will not be alone, but when S says it I actually hear her and believe what she is saying me. I know that I will never be alone and she will be right there beside me.

I have this feeling that by my birthday (late May) my life is going to be completely different and I will actually be living my dream of having a little house on the prairie. And the best part...I have the best girl in the world to share this adventure with.

Best Year of my Life

I am happy. Very happy. Yesterday was the perfect day and I can't wait until S and I can start our life together.

I had been thinking of asking S to marry me for a long time, but was trying to figure out the perfect time to ask her. Well, on Saturday we had talked on the phone and I realized that I wanted to ask her the next day. We were in her house and I told her how much I loved her and how much she has changed my life and that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I then told her that I wanted her to become my wife. Her response was a perfect "yes". It was the perfect moment and that one word has changed everything. We spent rest of the afternoon talking about our future and the plans we have.

We will have a private ceremony (just the two of us) and exchange rings the first night we move in with each other. I am guessing it will be sometime this summer. Neither of us want a big ceremony and really just want the two of us there. Now the fun begins and we get to start looking for rings.

The last few weeks we have been talking about the 2 hours that are between us and know that we need to do something about that. So......I have started the process of looking for a new job that is close to where she lives. I love my job (99% of the time) and I hate that I have to leave it, but I am in love with S and want to see her every single morning. We are still working out the details as to where exactly we will live. We thought about buying a house out in the country (her house is in town, but to me it feels like the country), but we may wait a few years. I love her house and it feels so warm and welcoming. I would be very happy living there with her.

I am so thankful that I have S in my life. She is so good for me and so good to me. Yesterday after I asked her to marry me she said, "I promise that I will always love you with respect and kindness and you will always be my main priority." How great is this...I get to spend the rest of my life with my best friend.

I guess I should start preparing my cats for the 2 hour car ride they will eventually be going on. They are going to be soooo pissed. But I know in the end they will be happy because there will be so many windows for them sit in and overall it will be a lot more quiet. Plus S spoils them rotten. :)

This really is going to be the best year of my life.

One Word Changes Everything

She said yes. :)

More details later.

Very Important Question

I have been busy this morning. Here is what I have already done:

*Got my grocery shopping done

*Went and had a RX refilled

*Changed litter box (they now make a litter for small spaces. I am curious to see if it really works)

*Finished my laundry

*Took down my Christmas decorations

*Cleaned entire apartment

Now it's time for a nap. :)

S called me a few minutes ago and it seems we can only go a few days without seeing each other, because we both agreed that it would be a great idea to get together tomorrow.

After we got off the phone I sat and just thought about how happy I am and how I want to spend the rest of my life with S. I think it's time to ask her a very important question.

It Keeps Getting Better

Day 2 of 2009 turned out to be even better then day one. The plan for S and I to be together is coming together better then we could have ever planned. There is absolutely no doubt that we are meant to be together.

Tonight S and I were talking about how good things are with us right now and how things just keep getting better. I know that in the beginning things are always good and it's considered a honeymoon phase, but we decided that there is no reason that the honeymoon phase of our relationship has to end. We have both been with people that were not the best for us and now that we have found each other we never want to take the other for granted. From day one we have decided that we need to be best friends first and foremost. Everything after best friends is just icing on the cake.

I don't have much planned for the weekend and plan on watching lots of movies. It seems like the last two weeks have been so busy and I am looking forward to a quiet weekend. The only thing that I have to do this weekend is go out and get a new battery for my camera. The battery in my camera died on Christmas, so I haven't taken any pictures in over a week. That would explain why I have not had any new pictures on my blog lately.

What is everyone else doing this weekend?

Happy 2009!!!

Happy New Year!!!

Today has been the best day. S and I decided to just get together today since neither of us wanted to be on the road yesterday. I drove to her house this morning and we spent the day together and it was just perfect. S's Mom cooked a ham and boy was it good. I always forget how much I love ham.

After lunch S and I just hung out and enjoyed each others company. In the last week we have made the decision that I need to start looking for a place closer to her right now instead of waiting until the summer. We both regret the fact that I signed a new 6th month lease and wish there was a way I could get out of it.

Tonight I told her that I was excited to see where we would be a year from today and her response was, "I promise you one thing...we will be living together." I can't wait for that day.

As I was driving home tonight I had this amazing sense of peace and contentment. I feel so loved and appreciated and know that every single struggle I went through to get here was worth it all. Tonight as S and I were talking she told me that she was sorry I was hurt so badly by Laura, but was thankful that it gave her a chance to be with me. She then told me that the 5 of us (me, S, Sophie, Bonk and Ben) belong together. I love how she always includes my babies.

I have always felt that how you spend the first day of the New Year is how the rest of your year will be. I think it's a good sign that I spent the day in the arms of the woman I love. It's going to be a great year.