Where Are You?

I am almost done with day 8 of not smoking. This time is so different then last time. I remember "relapsing" around day 7 or 8 last time and I found the blog post from that day. Oh, I was so sad and really not committed to not smoking. I used to be so afraid that life would no longer be fun if I was not smoking. I am happy to report that life is just as good now that I am not smoking.

I still struggle sometimes with having an urge to smoke. I don't think I am craving a cigarette anymore, but my mind is still trying to break the habit of smoking. I have known people that have smoked for decades and quit and I can only imagine how hard that was. I only smoked for 7 years, but it became such a huge part of my life. And to think that this horrible habit started all because of a girl. Ahhhh...I will never try to impress a girl by smoking again. And the thing that sucks...I didn't get the girl anyway.

Speaking of girls...I really think I am ready to start dating again. I am finding that I really love my life, but sometimes wish there was someone special in my life to share all this happiness with. My favorite part of a relationship is when the "newness" is gone and you are able to relax. I have always said that there is nothing better in the world then coming home after a long day to a home filled with love. I really miss being close to a woman. There is nothing better then the softness of a woman or the way a woman smells. For the 5 years I was married to my ex-husband I hated cuddling and being close to him. But the first time I was close to a woman it all made sense why I didn't like being close to a man.

I believe she is out there and eventually I will understand why I had to go through so much to find her. Now if I could just figure out where she is..........