Growing up as a Jehovah's Witness we did not celebrate Mother's Day. My Father, who is not a Jehovah's Witness, would always have me sign my name to a card for his Mother. I believe it was six years ago when I was disfellowshipped the first time that I gave my Mother a Mother's day card. It didn't go over very well. I think she was a little disappointed in me. I thought it was a nice gesture. So, here it is 2006 and we are quickly approaching Mother's Day. Part of me wishes deep down that I was a Mother on this day. Only God knows if that will ever happen.
I can't help but think about my own Mother. As much as she may disagree, I do love her. Here are some of my favorite times that I have shared with my Mother.
*When I was in elementary school she let me stay home one day and we hung out all day and went to lunch. I remember thinking..how cool is my Mom.
*Even though she hated me going, she allowed me to to to summer camp for six summers. I know it was hard on her to let her "baby" go away for an entire month.
*She never got upset at me when I would call her a million times at work.
*Her profession has allowed our family to travel all over the world. Because of her I have seen parts of the world a lot of people will never see.
*She always stood up for me when my Dad would be hard on me for my weight, table manners, etc.
*My ex and I had been married for about 3 months when we made a $40 mistake in our checkbook. I called my Mom all upset asking her if she would buy us some hamburger at the grocery store for dinner. When I went to her house to pick it up she had the hamburger, plus a card. In the card was $40.
*When she would go to the grocery store she would always remember the things that I liked and would pick them up for me, even if I could afford to buy them myself.
*When I would stop by my parents house by surprise, she was always happy to see me.
*On my first day of college she left me a card saying how proud of me she was.
*While I was in graduate school and money was tight I would always ask for a loan from her until my money would come in from my trust fund. She would always take the check, but never cash it.
I am sure there are a lot more stories, but these are a few of my favorite. After my ex and I divorced my Mother and I became very close. I always knew that on the weekends the two of us would either go out to lunch, go shopping or go to the movies. In May 2004 was the last time I went shopping with her. The date was May 23, 2004. We went to Target where she bought me a shirt and a CD. To this day, when I wear this shirt I think of her and I think of that last time we spent time together and no one was upset.
No family is perfect, and mine is far from it. I have always said that if my parents came to me and said, "let's start over" I would be more then willing. It breaks my heart that my parents feel I have done something that is unforgivable in their eyes.
8 comments:
I'm so sorry that you (and your parents) are going through this separation. There is not much I can say that I haven't already. I will say this again . . . Don't ever give up. Just as when Ben was missing, you need to begin to accept that it might be forever, but you can't give up hope. You never know when something will break down part of the wall that stands between you, so always be prepared to scramble through the hole.
I sent you an email yesterday about "Mother." I really choked up when I read it, missing my mom so deeply. I will always grieve her. And sometimes I have to remind myself that she is forever with me, despite her death. I believe your mom is, too, but the pain you've both experienced has thrown up that wall.
May I replay the end of that to remind you that your feelings are normal and wonderful.
"Your Mother is always with you.... She's the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street; she's the smell of bleach in your freshly laundered socks; she's the cool hand on your brow when you're not well. Your Mother lives inside your laughter. And she's crystallized in every tear drop. She's the place you came from, your first home; and she's the map you follow with every step you take. She's your first love and your first heartbreak, and nothing on earth can separate you.
Not time, not space... not even death!"
Continue to love her without regret.
I truly hope that someday your mom will come to you, and you are able to have that relationship with her again.
Lyn, I'm crying with what you wrote over the quote on mothers, that's beautiful.
What you wrote here is so heartfelt. If your mother reads it, even if she doesn't contact you, she will know your love for her.
Those are such lovely memories!
It speaks volumes to your love for your mother and her love for you.
A monther's love is so special and has such a huge impact on our lives...even when we are grown up!
I hope that you and your mom will be able to make many new memories like this to treasure. (I'm betting she has her own list of happy memories with you, as well!) You and your mom sound like very special people, so I believe you will both get over this hurdle one day.
Best wishes to you AND your mom, today...and everyday.
lyn--thank you for your beautiful words. i won't give up faith that eventually my family and i will talk again.
sassyfemme--i hope that as well
jazzy--i do hope she will read it
francesa--thanks for stopping by. i have missed seeing you around here
Aw honey this post makes me sad but you have to be true to yourself and you have a right to love and be loved.
I hope your Mom comes through for you in the end. Happy Belated Mothers Day
P.S. You are something very special a kitty Mom!
patticake--thank you so much. you are so sweet and kind.
This post broke my heart. I am so sorry your mother's "god" doesn't let her keep your relationship alive and strong. Just keep strong and know that you can NEVER be disfellowshipped from a true God and He loves you always and forever! Thanks for sharing this post, I am sure it hard to write.
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