More Weekly Pictures

Here are some pictures of our family activity this past week.

This is Brady (AKA "The Yellow Bastard) looking at the aquarium. He is fasinated by it. He sat and looked up at the aquarium for 15 minutes this one night.
We've also been busy helping with the planning of Laura's younger sisters wedding reception. We were so jealous of them cause they ran off to Jamica and got married. We decorated their hosue for when they got back.
This is Laura showing off the weight she has lost. She has always been drop dead georgous to me, but I swear she gets prettier each and every day. Damn..I am so lucky.
This is Laura and Sophie Cat. Sophie cat has a habit of getting up on the bed when we go to bed. She does not realize she is 22 lbs and takes up 1/2 the bed.
This is our fish aquarium with all the plants in it. You can't see them, but there are 2 Neons in there. We brought them down from our smaller aquarium from upstairs. We decided to let them get the "cycle" going so we could add more fish. I think we are 2 weeks away from getting more fish. The two small Neons think they have died and gone to the ocean. They can't believe they have 29 gallons all to themselves.

Important Disclaimer

It is amazing the people that come across my blog and then feel they have the right to trash my blog. I received an email (well several) from a Keith Borra. I am using his name since he emailed me and it had his name as the person that sent the email. Here is just a short example of some of the things he said in his email. This is from his first email.

Miss C
My first
thought toward you is that I feel sorry for you. You are no longer a
J.W.
obviously. Me neither, but for a different reason. Do you still
believe
in God? On the whole human behavior is pretty bad. No one can doubt
that.
At least nobody with eyes & a functioning brain! You are putting
yourself
in extreme danger with your behavior 1 Cor. 6: vs 9 & 10 Acts 3; 19
Keith Borra


Here is his second email:

Miss;
I forgot
to
tell you somethings. It is unwise to make assumptions, I did not say
I
felt sorry for you because of your chosen sexuality. It was because
you
flaunt your lifestyle! Do you assume you will get away with this? Your
accusation of my being judgemental is inaccurate. I refer you to your
website, what was that you said about that man & woman in the car with
the
child in back? & Your lifestyle is different how? Hypocrisy is
unbecoming!! I have a symbiotic relationship with humanity, I love
people
but hate wickedness Please read these scriptures Eze. 18: 23 1
Peter 4:
7 & 8 Matthew 18:12 Luke 18:9-14 keith borra

Now, I do not know who this person is, but he seems to know who I am and how I am living my life. I would think an exJW would have some sort of understanding. To me it doesn't sound like he has changed much. He may not refer to himself as a JW, but he is still acting and thinking like one. Judging is what JW's do best. I know this because I was emersed in that religion for 30 years.

For anyone not liking what they read here...continue going. You do not have to stop and you do not have to like what I am saying. That is what is so glorious about the United States. We are all allowed to have our own opinions. There are many people that I don't agree with, but I understand that we all have different thoughts and opinions.

And here is a warning for anyone that emails me from this blog: If you email me and it really pisses me off, I will post it on my blog with your first and last name. And if you really, really piss me off I will include your email address.

Pat Conroy

Last night Laura and I watched "The Water is Wide", which was a movie based on Pat Conroy's book. I have always loved Pat Conroy. My senior year in high school my English teacher had us read "The Lords of Discipline". I remember thinking when he told us about this book I wasn't too sure about it. When I heard the title I thought it was a science fiction book. And I have never liked science fiction. Well, within a few pages I realized this was a really good story. I finished the book by the end of the week. My English teacher knew I had finished the book early and told me that if I really liked this book I would probably enjoy reading his other book which was getting ready to be released in the theatres as a movies...The Prince of Tides. I remember going and getting the book and not being able to set it down. It was one of the best books I had ever read. When the movie came out my English teacher said he would take some of us to go see the movie as long as we had permission from our parents. (It is rated R) I was in lovee with the movie. I went and saw it probably 10 times in the theatre. Everytime my friends wanted to go see a movie I would say, "let's go see the Prince of Tides". Those were the good ol' days when I had $15-20 to burn in a week without thinking about it.

So, last night we sat and watched the movie. We had seen commericals about it and Laura also said it looked good. This story was based on his one year of teaching on a small island off of South Carolina and he was teaching poor black kids. It was an intense movie anyway, but then you add that it was presented by Hallmark. The first commercial was a killer. It showed this older man going to a school at night and he was learning how to read. At the end of the commercial (which was about 3 minutes long) you see him going to his closet and getting out a box of cards he had received throughout the years. He pulls out this one that is from his daughter and he reads the card out loud. We were bawling by the end of this commercial. It was so touching.

Pat Conroy's last book was put out in 1995. It was a very, very intense book called "Beach Music". I think it took me a year to get through it. It was so hard to read because it was very detailed. I think the book is 900 pages long. Everytime I go into a Barnes and Noble or any other bookstore I ask them if he has anything new coming out. I think he has written one book since then, but it's a nonfiction book about his year playing basketball. For some reason I have never bought the book.

What I love about his books are that they are mostly about his life and his struggles through life. Reminds me a lot of James Frey. If James Frey was smart he would have published his book as fiction since he changed so much in it. Pat Conroy writes about what he knows best..himself and his life. If you have never read any of his books you should. The Prince of Tides movie was awesome, but the book is so much better.

I think I am going to go reread one of his books. They always make me feel that I can get over anything.

Email Pictures

Here are a couple pictures I got as an email. Tell me what you think of them.
This was titled "Office Party". I don't know about you, but that is my kind of office party and my kind of cups for drinking.
This one is really sad. I can't believe a mother would do this with her child in the backseat. And people wonder why kids are growing up like they are. Here's one reason...THEY ARE SEEING THEIR MOTHER HAVING SEX IN THE CAR WITH A COMPLETE STRANGER.

Both these pictures are perfect examples as to why I will always have a job.

A Million Little Lies?

I know everyone has heard about what is going on with this book? When I first heard about I didn't think it was going to be such a big deal. Man was I wrong. People are acting like there should be a public hanging of this guy. Deep down I do feel a little sorry for him. When I saw him on Larry King Live last week he said that he first approached publishers with this book as fiction. It doesn't make sense then he would suddenly turn it into a memoir?

What this guy did was really stupid. Doesn't he know not to mess with Oprah?????? Man is she pissed. And I don't know about you, but she is one person that I do not want to piss off. I do believe she is more powerful then the President. What the fuck was he thinking.

When the book first came on Oprah we ran out and bought it. Laura read it within a couple days. I struggled to get past 100 pages. Infact, it's still sitting here in my office waiting for me to finish. I kept telling myself that I would finish when we were on vacation. I don't know if I want to read it now. There are too many other books out there to read.

More Then You Wanted to Know

I got this from Sandra. Happy Readings..Anyone that would like to do this, I would love reading it about you.

Four Things I Love About Spring
*My Birthday is in the spring
*The weather is perfect. Warm days, cool nights
*Our anniversary is in the spring
*The pool opens

4 Things I Love About Summer
*The pool is open
*I am able to get suntan
*Everything is green again
*Being able to eat dinner out on our back deck

4 Things I Love About Fall
*The colors that show up on the trees
*The weather is perfect. Again, warm days, cool nights
*We are able to sleep with the windows open at night
*You know Christmas is right around the corner

4 Things I Love About Winter
*It snows and everything turns into a winter wonderland
*Christmas
*New Years Eve
*We usually start planning our little get away for the spring

4 Cities I Want To Visit
*Key West
*New York City
*London
*Cozumel

4 Funny Movies
*What About Bob?
*Big Daddy
*Parenthood
*The Three Amigos

4 Tear Jerkers
*The Prince of Tides
*I Am Sam
*My Life
*Good Will Hunting

4 Romantic Songs
*God Bless the Broken Road-Rascal Flatts
*Remember When-Alan Jackson
*Love of My Life-Jim Brickman/Michael W. Smith
*Let's Get it On-Marvin Gaye

4 Happy Songs
*Holiday-Green Day
*Dirty Little Secret-All American Rejects (Some may think this is not a happy song, but I love the beat)
*When the Sun Goes Down-Kenny Chesney
*Fireflies-Faith Hill

4 Favorite Singers
*Faith Hill
*Barry Manilow (I know, but I do love his music)
*Green Day
*Keith Urban

4 Favorite TV Shows
*Cold Case
*Extreme Makeover: Home Edition
*SuperNanny
*ER

4 Things I Like About Where I Live
*Compared to other parts of the country it's inexpensive
*If you don't like the weather..wait just one day and it will be different
*You experience all four seasons, sometimes in the same week
*I know my way around real well

4 Things I Don't Like About Where I Live
*There is not much diversity
*The crime rate is going up and up and up....
*We get weather extremes...really hot and really cold
*They do not maintain the roads and highways very well

4 Favorite Meals
*Steak Fajitas
*Prime Rib
*Hamburgers grilled on our back deck
*Homemade pizza

Leader of the Pack

As many of you know I have a dog named Sophie. For many years she was my best friend. She was always there for me and loved me unconditonally. Let me tell you the story how Ms. Sophie and I found each other.

The year was 1998 and I was doing an internship my final year of college when I was getting my bachelors degree. I had been working at this community center for two weeks. I was working in the inner city, so there were stray dogs always walking around. After being there for two weeks I pulled up one morning to find this little puppy (she was around 8 pounds) running around our parking lot. My supervisor came and gave her some food from our food pantry. I remember watching her in the security cameras thinking.."she is going to get hit by a car". I told myself that if she was still around at lunch I would take her home. At lunch time she was no where to be found. I was secretly grateful because I already had a dog, Casey. (he was a cock-a-poo) Around 3pm I went out to do a home visit and when I returned around 3:30 she was running around the parking lot again. I called her over to me and she came running. I picked her up and told her "if you are here when I get off at 4:30 I will take you home with me." When I walked out the door at 4:30, this sweet little puppy was sleeping on the steps by the front door. So, as promised, I picked her up, put her in my car and took her home. Now when I got home I put her in the backyard. My cousin was getting married in a few weeks and I had to go do a final fitting for my dress. I wasn't sure if she had anything, so I wanted to keep her away from Casey. When I got home a few hours later she was not in the backyard. I went to the front yard and just started yelling, "puppy, puppy". Since I hadn't named her yet I didnt' know what else to say. Well, she came running from 2 houses up. That night my ex and I went out and bought stuff to put around the parts of the fence where she could slip out. She has been part of my life ever since.

Now, Sophie has been very spoiled since she came into my life. She was such a cute puppy and then grew into such a sweet personality, how could I not spoil her??? Well, as it turned out, by spoiling her I turned her into kind of a snob as well. She learned she could do whatever she wanted and get away with it. I didn't have the heart to punish her.

So, when Laura came into my life the two of them started butting heads. Sophie was the Queen of the house and Laura was not going to put up with any of the things she was doing, when Sophie knew she shouldn't be doing those things. Sophie quickly learned that she can not mess around with Laura and when Laura says "no" she means "no". When Laura and Sophie would be home alone things were perfect. Sophie acted like a perfect dog. Then the minute I would walk in the door she would go back to those old behaviors. It would make Laura so mad.

One day we were sitting and watching Ceasar Millan's "The Dog Whisperer". In this show he talks with people about making sure your dog knows you are the leader of the pack. I had a HUGE lightbulb moment. This was how Sophie saw things:

Laura was the leader of the pack and I was just another bitch in the pack.

Damn..that dog is good.

Rambling Thoughts

It's been a few days since I have posted. I have been so busy at work that I haven't found much time to gather my thoughts to put them on here. I am able to catch my breathe here at work, so let me try to gather my thoughts into something you will understand.

We made our weekend tradition of visiting Wal-Mart on Sunday. While we were there I noticed something. Well, I think I have noticed it before, but I really thought about it. Why are all the "essentials" you need in life so freaking expensive. For example..all women between 15 and 50 need tampons or pads. Why are they so freaking expensive. I mean...$8 for 40 tampons. Seems kind of crazy to me. I like a particular kind so I will not use any other ones. Then there is toothpaste. To get a good brand you will likely spend $4 for one tube. Both Laura and I are obessed with brushing our teeth..so we will brush them about 4x a day on most days. That's a lot of toothpaste in one month. Breakfast cereal. I don't like cereal, but Laura does. Have you noticed how much one box costs now a days? It's like $5 for one box. I remember growing up we had cereal every morning. I can't imagine having a few growing kids and having to keep cereal in stock because that would a small fortune.

When Laura and I first got together money was kind of tight. Within a year I had gotten a new job which paid a lot more, plus I got a promtion and a raise shortly after that. So, we are doing pretty good financially. We have vowed that we will never again live paycheck to paycheck. And I think in the past six months we have done very well to make sure that never happens. We have a nice little nest in case something happens to one of our jobs, plus plently of money for all the traveling we want to do. But we decided over the weekend to stop buying certain things like we are living paycheck to paycheck and don't have the money to buy the things we want. For example: we had been buying our toilet paper at dollar general. Now, that was fine when we didn't have a lot of money, but it's not the softest toilet paper. When we were at Wal-Mart we decided to buy the nice soft toilet paper. OH MY GOD. I forgot how nice soft toilet paper is. We will never use that crappy stuff from Dollar General again. Shavers: We had been buying the cheap ones..just because. We found some really nice disposable ones at Wal-Mart. Again, OH MY GOD..do you know how nice it is to shave with something that is not ripping your skin off??

Our aquarium...We have all the plants and rocks in there. We are waiting til this weekend to get some fish. The temp has leveled out and the heater seems to be working great. It is so soothing to have it in our living room. Our cats love it also. They will lay on the floor and just stare up at it. I can't wait to see their reaction when we put fish in there.

The Dog, The Fish & The Casino

Here are some pictures from this past week.

Here is Sophie on the couch which is a big "no-no". For some reason she will jump up there after Laura has gone to bed. She knows I don't have the heart to tell her to get down. Isn't she just the cutest dog???
Here is our *NEW* fish aquirium. It's a 29 gallon tank. We bought it today with our "winnings" from the casino. (more about that at the end of the pictures)
Here is our usually calm dog. Laura thought she would "share" her Subway with her. As you can see..when food is involved Sophie turns into a rabid dog who you would think hasn't been fed in weeks. As you can see Laura is very shocked at Sophie's reaction. This will teach Laura to try to share her food with Sophie.
Here is Sophie eyeing Laura's sandwich. She looks so innoncent.
Here is Sophie when I did tell her to get off the couch. I believe this look clearly says, "fuck you, I am comfortable." So, today Laura and I decided to go to the casino. We went with $200. $100 for each of us. Laura plays blackjack and I try my luck at the slots. Usually she is the one that comes out ahead. We had been there for probably 1 1/2 hours. I still had $50 in my pocket and I am playing with the same $20 for the past thirty minutes. I have managed to get it up to $60. So, that is $110. She comes down from the blackjack tables and says she has $35. We decide to go to the video poker. Her money is gone quick. I hand her $20. (keep in mind it is very rare that I have to give her money at the casino..she usually comes out ahead) I realize I am losing my money at the video poker. I go over to the 50 cent slots. I still have the $60 when she comes over and says she is done. As we are walking out she knows I still want to play the slots. She says..."you know we will walk out of here with $60..that is good." I told her I wanted to run it down to $40 and then we would go home. I walk over to this machine I had been playing for most of the night. I am there for probably 15 minutes when I hit a jackpot. I ended up walking out with $232 dollars. As soon as the jackpot came up we both looked at each other and said, "we are out of here". And off we went. We decided over lunch to go and get the aquarium we have been wanting for a long time. We got it set up and we will let it sit for about 4 days and then slowly add fish. Finally, we have something to show for our hard work at the casino.

TGIF

I am so glad this week is coming to an end. Whew! What a week. Why is it the shorter weeks always seem to be the worst. I think I would prefer to work 5 days then 4 because it seems like when we have a shorter week everything has to be crammed into those 4 days. And only so much can be done in 24 hours. But it is Friday and this week has gone down in the history books.

As expected we are getting winter weather. But it's starting out as ice/sleet. That never makes for a good drive home. I sit here with about 2 hours left at work, praying that the nasty stuff doesn't officially start until I am all nestled in at home. Then it can do whatever it wants.

There was some good news concerning Laura's cellphone. Her school has said that when we buy a new cellphone, they will reinburse us!!

I told Laura last night when we went to bed that tomorrow was going to be a better day and it was one day closer to our trip to Florida. We can get through anything with Florida in the horizon.

Cellphones & 7th Graders Don't Mix

This morning started out as a wonderful day. I was feeling good and I was getting a lot accomplished at work. Who would have guess it would have turned into a hellish day by 3:30pm???

Laura is done with school around 2:15 or so. I tried calling her this morning just to see how her day was. I always call during her plan period and on her cellphone. There was no answer, so I left a message. I usually will wait for her to call, but she seemed to have had a challenging day at school yesterday and I just wanted to make sure she was ok. After I left the message I decided that I would call after school. When I called her cellphone at 2:30 it went straight to her voicemail. That means one thing..the phone is turned off. I waited about 15 minutes and tried again. This time the phone rang and rang and then went to voicemail. About 5 minutes later she called me at work. Here is our conversation.
ME: "Hi, I have been trying to call you."
HER: "That is what I am worried about. I can't find my cellphone. Call my cellphone from your cellphone" (I call her cellphone) "Is it ringing?"
ME: "Yes"

At this point we realize one of those fucking 7th graders has walked off with her phone. FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!! Poor Laura was so upset. I would be too. You can't leave anything out in her classroom unless it's nailed down. Last year someone got into her purse and walked off with $75. So, I call Verizon and cancel the number, etc, ect. Looks like Ms. Laura will be getting a new cellphone for Valentines Day. (no, just kidding..if I want to get "lucky" I should at least take her out to dinner too )

On the way home I stopped to get cat liter. (Remember, it's Thursday night and that is what I do on Thursday nights.) As I was walking around in Family Dollar looking for something I noticed this lady. I was right next to her and she took a box of pads, opened it and started filling up her pockets. I couldn't fucking believe it. She didn't even try to hide the fact that she was fucking stealing. As I went to the checkout this lady was in front of me. She didn't pay for her pads, but she paid $3 for a fucking windchime.

Got me thinking about this world. What the hell has happened to this world? Growing up I would never, in a milion years, thought about stealing from a teacher. And then this lady, out in the open, in front of others, stealing pads. Laura joked with me when I got home and said, "why didn't you steal us some pads." My response to her was, "because I would have been fucking arrrested." It always seems the people that are so blatent about stealing get away with murder...literally.

Tomorrow is a new day and we are suppose to get some snow. Life is always better when it snows.

Love

After getting that anonymous post yesterday it made me do some thinking. How could it not? It also made me very thankful for my life now. After I read that I was able to go home to a very loving and supportive person. Laura is so amazing. I remember a few months ago my Mother emailed me and said that I must be very unhappy in life from the readings of my blog. (I emailed her the address about a month after I started the blog because I wanted her to see how this whole experience has effected me, my life and my feelings about all of it. Since she has never asked how I was feeling through all of this, I thought I would let her see how I was feeling) My Mother could not be further from the truth. If she saw me in my everyday life she would see that I am happy. I get to come home to the most wonderful person.

When Laura and I met we were both going through very difficult times in our life. It wasn't the easiest start. But I think all that we went through in those first few months build the foundation we have now. Our relationship is built on love, trust and respect. There isn't another person in this world I would want to share my life with. Laura knows EVERYTHING about me, I mean everything. And I wouldn't have it any other way. We will be sitting on the couch doing the most basic thing and I will look over at her and it's as if I am looking at her for the first time. She always looks at me and says, "what?" She hates it when I just stare at her. But I look at her because it is then that I realize that God does listen to my prayers. For years and years I asked Him to send me someone that would just love me for me.

I have never been with someone where after almost 2 years I still can't wait to do the small things for them. As many of you know, Laura is up and out of the house no later then 6:15am. I still LOVE getting up with her and making her lunch and warming up her car. It's those little things that keep our love stronger then ever.

I can't imagine my life without her and I hope I never will find out. It's as if my life finally started, at age 30, when I met her.

Interesting Comment

Click HERE to see a comment that was posted on my post about Kingdom Halls. I am 99.9% sure it was my MOTHER. She of course was too much of a coward to put her name, instead it's listed under anonoymous.

It Smells Like a Gerbil's Cage in Here?

Oh, wait, that's my hair. Let me explain. I decided today would be a fine day for a haircut. I usually go about 3 months between hair cuts. My hair is very thick, so when it gets too long, it does nothing. Just kind of hangs there. So, I was tired of it doing nothing and this morning I told Laura, "I am going to get a haircut". We don't go to any of those fancy places where you spend $50 on a haircut. We go to Great Clips. Plus, it was an added bonus since we had a coupon. (It's always better with a coupon)

I took a shower before I went because they always charge you to wash it. After I washed my hair, I went and got gas and then off to the haircut place. Today it was very windy, so while I was putting gas in my car my hair got kind of tangled. So, when I got to Great Clips she said, "you hair has quite a few knots." Now wait a minute. They are not knots, it was just tangled because it was so windy today. She made it sound like I never brush my hair. That pissed my off. Then she said, "are we going with the layered bob?" First of all, I hate that term "bob". I don't wear it in a bob, I just like it mostly one length. So, that pissed me off too. After that she said she had something to get knots out. She started spraying this stuff on my head. I didn't think anything about it. And it really did help with the TANGLES, not knots. This morning was not the greatest experience at Great Clips. I like for the hairdresser to talk to me and make general conversation. She cut my hair and didn't say a word to me. But she did talk to her co-workers. Whatever...

After we were done I paid, and walked out. When I got in the car my first thought was, "man my car smells like a gerbil's cage." When I say that I mean the cedar chips. Then I realized it was my fucking hair that smelled. When I got home I asked Laura if my hair smelled like a gerbils cage (cedar chips) and she smelled my hair and then just started laughing.

So, this whole day, because I have been too lazy to take another shower, I have smelled like cedar chips. Does kind of remind me of my guinea pig Wilber that I had when I was young.

Laura wanted me to add a disclamer. I read this post to her and she said it makes us sound very cheap. (Going to Great Clips with a coupons, etc) Just so you know..all those dollars we save add up and that is why we are able to take wonderful vacations. Now get off my back. :)

Breaking News

There is a rumor going around that Laura has actually posted to her blog. Let's all welcome her back with open and loving arms. And remind her that what she has to say is great and we love hearing from her.

My Name

As many of you know my name is Caroline. When I was little I HATED my name. I didn't know anyone else with my name, and if they did have the same name it was usually spelled "Carolyn". People were always spelling it wrong. So, when I was in the 4th of 5th grade I decided to change my name. Well, sort of. I started spelling my name "Carolyn". I figured if people are spelling it that way, then I might as well also. I think I went through 2 whole summers at camp spelling my name that way. My parents kept saying, "but Caroline is so beautiful, why would you want to change it?" But I was bound to change my name. Which had happened one other time.

When I was born my parents named me Jennifer Jane. They liked the name Jennifer and Jane was after my Dad's Mom. Apparently people didn't like that name. Remember, I was born in 73, so I am sure 1/2 the little girls born that year were named Jennifer. So, when I was 6 weeks old my parents went up to visit my Dad's parents in Northern Minnesota. While they were there they were looking through some old family papers and found someone on from the 1800's named Caroline Ann. They decided to change my name. So, that is how I got my name.

I think when I was 6th grade I decided to change my name back to Caroline because it was confusing for the teachers. As I have gotten older I have grown to LOVE my name. Now a days I will be in a store and hear a Mother call to her little girl who is named Caroline. It's neat seeing the name come back into fashion.

Here's one of my pet peeves. When people who know me, and they continue to spell my name wrong. I have had several people write me emails, or letters and spell my name "Carolyn". It drives me up the freaking wall. You would think people that know me would know how to spell my name.

C-A-R-O-L-I-N-E

Super Nanny is in Town!!

I heard on the radio that the producers for "Super Nanny" are in town. Does anyone have any kids I can borrow so that Jo Frost will come to my house for a week???? I wouldn't mind Super Nanny telling me, "you've been very, very naughty."

Kingdom Halls

Here is a "typical" picture of a Kingdom Hall. This is not the one I was raised in. I have often thought of driving by and taking a picture, but I am sure they have my picture up saying, "if you see this person call 911". I am sure my Mother has told them how I have turned against the church in more ways then one. Well, they know I have turned against their beliefs and teachings, they just don't realize I am shouting to the entire world how evil and wrong they are. But like I said, I am sure my Mother has told everyone how I have turned into an "apostate". Growing up that was one term you never wanted to be called. They taught us that if you were an "apostate" (talking in a negative way about God or his organization) that was the worst you could be in God's eyes. But they taught us having views that disagreed, not with the Bible, but with the Watchtower, was very wrong.

So, I decided to talk a little about what it's like going to the Kingdom Hall to worship. This past year or so I have learned that we were not worshiping God, but the Watchtower. JW's seem to hold the Watchtower in greater regard then the Bible. They say they don't, but they do. They often say the Watchtower is written from the Bible, but it's not.

A typical Kingdom Hall is very plain. There are NO windows and very little decorations. I often asked as a child why there were no windows. I was told it was because we didn't want any distractions. When I was 10 we went on vacation to Denver and went to a meeting there. (by the way all services are called "meetings".) This particular Kingdom Hall had 2 windows on each side of the building. I used to think that was the coolest thing. I have been to many Kingdom Halls since then and that was the only one that had windows. You will not see any crosses in Kingdom Halls since they don't believe Jesus died on the cross. Infact, they say people that wear crosses or have crosses around are worshiping idols.

The stage is also very plain. Just a potium and maybe a table and chairs. Very boring. You are expected to attend meetings 3x a week, plus go out and do some door-to-door work. I knew many people that were literally living in poverty because they weren't allowed to work that much because there were so many obligations to the Watchtower. I think that is wrong to tell someone that instead of trying to support their family they should be there. I saw too many families living in horrible conditions because they felt they should.

My first memory of the Kingdom Hall was when I was 4 or 5. I was laying with my head on my Dad's lap during one of the talks. My Dad attended there briefly when I was young. He got smart and got out before it was too late. Woman are not allowed to wear pants or slacks to any meetings. Most woman even wear skirts when they come to clean the Hall. They feel it's being disrespectful if a woman wears pants inside the Kingdom Hall. Men are required to wear ties during all services.

It's a messed up religion with lots of control over it's members. I once had a friend come to a meeting with me and she told me this about the people inside the Kingdom Hall, "they are all well dressed robots". That sums it up very well. No one thinks for themselves. JW's are never taught to do anything on their own. They are always having to ask permission to do something or to think a certain way.

Thank you GOD for giving me the opportunity to escape and live the life I was meant to live.

Weekly Pictures

Here are some recent pictures I have taken of the pets. They are my "guinea pigs" with the whole camera thing. By the way, have I told you have much I love my new camera.

This is a picture of Ben trying to hide under the table. He did not realize I can still take his picture through the GLASS top.
This is what appears to be an ordinary picture of Sophie Dog and her favorite toy. If you look in the far back right corner you will see what appears to be Linda Blair disguised as Ben. It's kind of like playing a record backwards and hearing thoughts from the devil.
This is Bonk. She is very vain and loves having her picture taken. I tried to get her to back up, but she wanted everyone to see the pimple she has on her chin. I tried to tell her turn to the other side, but she kept insisting this was her best side.
This is our big baby Astro. I am not sure why he curls his arms up like that. He just doesn't understand that he is 20 pounds of scared shitless.
This is our other big baby, Sophie Cat. (anyone visiting this site for the first time and wondering why we have a dog and cat named Sophie...simple..we are a blended family and neither of them wanted to change their names) She thinks that we lay the pillows out just for her every night.

Today's News

As I was driving into work I heard something kind of disturbing on the radio. Angeline Jolie is pregnant????????? All I can say is she cheap and I am sure she gave something more then just a baby to Brad Pitt. On to more interesting topics..

Last night on the news we saw a story that is upsetting. I believe the story took place in the south. A 9 year old girl and her sister painted an American flag in their cul-da-sac. A few veterans saw this and took these little kids to the city council because they thought they were being disrespectful of the American flag..blah blah blah... Give me a fucking break. They showed these two little sweet kids crying saying they were really sorry and they would do everything to get rid of the painted flag on the street. Here's my problem with this: 1) The little girls did not take an actual flag and deface it. They painted on on the street to show their patriotrism. 2) How dare those old men for making such a big deal that they take them to the city council and make them so upset.

At least these little girls are showing some love for their country. There are some kids that don't give a damn about our country (I think mostly Jehovah's Witness kids..). I feel it was a huge waste of time and money for these old cranky men to make such a big deal out of this. They need to get a fucking life.

The Return of Winter....But not for long

My snow dances have paid off. Woke up this morning to snow and it snowed lightly throughout the day!!! YEA



Here's Sophie trying to figure out why I wanted snow again. She does have to walk, barefoot in the snow to do her business.










Here are two pictures of our backyard. Laura (who has been really sick the last two days) is praying for a snow day tomorrow. Don't know if we'll get enough snow. But a girl can dream, right?

There is a rumor going around that it's suppose to be back near 60 tomorrow and then snow again by Friday. No wonder every person in Kansas City is sick...

Peanuts Character

You are Sally! your love for another is out of
control. you need to come back down from the
clouds every once in awhile. you are however a
super cute and super nice person.

what peanuts character are you?
brought to you by

Cults

Saturday night Laura and I are laying in bed watching tv. Well, what we are doing is channel surfing. It was midnight and there wasn't that much on, so we were just flipping from channel to channel waiting for "Cheaters" to come on. (by the way, if you have never watched this show you must. Talk about reality tv) I come across this locak channel with this preacher that does a call in show for his church. I don't remember the type of religion is was, I am thinking non-demonination. Anyway...this lady asked the question.."how do you know if the church you are going to is good and God approves". This preacher then started talking about how there are 4 different types of churches. The first one was Roman Catholic and then the second was cults. He then went to point how Jehovah's Witnesses are a cult and that they twist the scriptures to make sense for them. He also pointed out how they can shoot out scriptures about as fast as a gun, but have no idea what they are saying.

As I was watching this my first thought was to defend the witnesses. Then I realized, "wait, what he is saying is the truth". It just shows how much control JW's have over your mind and your thoughts. Even though I have cleansed myself of them for the past two years, they still have this control sometimes over my thoughts and mind. It's scary.

He pointed out that they use arguing as a way to get into the door. That is so true. They are like masters at debate. But they have no idea as to what they are talking about. When you start asking deep questions they kind of fumble around and always say, "I will need to do some research about this and get back to you." What the means is..."I have no fucking idea..I need to check with the elders before I say anything." Jehovah's Witnesses are not taught how to think on their own. You so exactly what the elders tell you to do and if you happen to have a thought of your own, you are immediatly talked to and they try to correct you.

It is nothing but total mind and thought control. For those of us that are able to get out it is a huge struggle. Most do not survive. Most end up going back. The first time they kicked me out I was back within two years. But this time I think I would rather die then be back in their control. It's a daily struggle with my thoughts, but eventually I will unraveled from their web.

Oh To Be Young Again

Remember those days when there were no worries? Being grown up is harder then it sounds. Last week my Honda started making the familiar sounds where it was saying, "I need new brakes". Damn...So, I waited til after the weekend to get an estimate on how much front brake pads would be. Shit, they are expensive. We are talking $150 for parts and labor. And that's if they find nothing else wrong. So, I have it set up for tomorrow to treat my much loved car to new brakes. But it's a huge hit on the pocket book. Got me thinking about the things I missed about not being an adult. Here are some of the things:

1) The only responsibility I had when I was in school was to go to school. And when you're a teenager you love going to school for two reasons: a) you get away from your parents b) you love being around your friends. I decided to get a job when I was 16, but it was only so I could have spending money. My parents never forced me to get a job. I did it because I wanted to. I should have spent more of my teenage years just being a kid and not working. I guess only 35 more years before I am free from the "have to work" persepective. Unless of course I win the lottery.

2) As a kid I always had my parents to turn to when there was a major problem involving my car. They always seemed to take care of it. Now, I simply turn to our checkbook to see if we are able to take care of the major problem.

Don't get me wrong, I am so happy to out of the control of my parents. But as a child I had very little worries. It wasn't until I was an adult that they refused to let go of the control. And excuse me if this week I have one of those "I don't want to be a grown up" moments.

Missing Winter

Today was the day to take down all our outside Christmas decorations. We had planned on doing this last weekend, but it was crazy with New Years Eve and all. So, this morning I woke up, got on my coat and went outside. Here's the crazy thing. It was almost 60 degrees outside. What is going on? I thought this was winter and the last time I checked it was January, not March. Taking down the decorations I thought it was spring time, not the dead of winter.

I miss winter. I miss the cold days and even colder nights. I hate waking up in the middle of the night and be HOT. I should be waking up and freezing and turning the heat up. Instead, there are some days where I wonder if we are going to have to turn on the air conditoning. I want our house to look like this picture. I want snow drifts so high that you can't even see the house. My Fathers parents lived in Northern Minnesota. So, growing up we would always visit them over our x-mas break. I loved it. There was so much snow around that a small child could easily get lost. It was not uncommon for it to start snowing at my Grandparents and not stop for 3-4 days. How cool would that be. I used to always say I would move to Minnesota in a heartbeat. I have always been a lover of winter. The days filled with endless sunshine and temps in the 90s is just not for me. I prefer cool, cloudy days and snow. Don't get me wrong, I love the beach, but that is just for vacation. I don't know if I could live in a climate that is always warm and sunny.

So, please pray for me that winter will return to Kansas City. I think one more big snow fall will be good for me. Plus, with it being warm all winter how will we notice the temperature change when we do go to Florida in April.

91 days and Counting

I am so excited because our countdown is now below 100. In just 91 days Laura and I will be sitting in these two chairs getting some much needed sun and rest. This is a picture from the resort we will be staying. They have a private beach just for our resort. And the other cool thing. We checked the availabality at our resort (there is just 10 cottages total) and we are the only ones there during the week we are there. Wouldn't that be wonderful to have the entire beach to ourselves. I simply can't wait!!

Another blast from the Past

As I sit here at work there is another "blast from the past" moment. Debbie Gibson's "Lost in Your Eyes" just came on the radio. God, does this song take me back. I hate to admit this, but I saw her in concert twice. Yes, twice. I knew every single song of hers. Wow, I am really feeling old.

TV Of My Youth

This morning as I was getting ready for work a commerical came on for the Tony Danza Show. I don't usually watch this show, but they were doing a "Who's the Boss" reunion. I quickly programmed our DVR to tape it. When I got home I watched part of this reunion. It got me thinking about the shows that I loved watching while I was growing up. Here is a short sample of the shows that that were "must see tv" for me while I was young.

I never missed an episode of "Who's The Boss". Infact, I taped many of them and my cousin and I would watch them over and over and over. I think the tape finally died from us watching and rewinding so many times. When I was off last week I happen to catch a rerun and it was one of those episodes where I knew every single line. Laura was looking at me like, "you are so fucking weird". I remember having a photo album full of pictures of Alyssa Milano. Hum....I wonder why? Little did I know at the time that I had a HUGE crush on her. I thought she was the definition of "cool".
The Facts of Life. I didn't watch it that much when they were still in school, but when they got out of high school and moved in with Mrs. Garrett and ran that pastry shop, I never missed a show. This was another one of those shows I could not miss. To show you how much I watched it, here's a question. What was the name of the final store they owned together. (the store with all the cool gadgets, etc.) A true fan of Facts of Life would know it was called "Over our Heads". I could tell you the whole story in detail as to why they called it that, but I don't want to bore you. It was those seasons when George Clooney was on the show as the neighbor. They used to have reruns on Nick at Nite, but I haven't seen any in a long time.
So, Little House on the Prairie was the very first show that I would watch all the time. I didn't get into the show until they were showing reruns. I don't even remember when they were on live tv. Anyway...I still watch this show today. There are two channels here that show episodes every day. One of them shows it at 7pm and if there is nothing else on or we aren't busy, I always make Laura watch them. My favorite episodes are the ones where they are having financial problems. Wait, isn't that every show? Well, when they are really struggling. Do you remember the one where it was x-mas Eve and they were all telling stories and they woke up the next morning and it had snowed all the way to the top of their roof and they had to go to the barn to get the presents. God, I love this show. Here's another question. What's the dogs name in the above picture. If you guessed Bandit, you are right. They had a dog from an earlier time named Jack. Anyway...as you can tell I have seen every single episode at least 5 times.

And these my friends are just a few of my favorite shows growing up.

Thoughts on Pride

Sunday night I was sitting in the living room folding laundry when a commercial for "Brokeback Mountain" came on. At the end they said, "Now playing". I quickly grabbed the paper and looked and sure enough, it was playing at 3 theatres in KC. I ran up and told Laura who was on the computer. It was like the best gift, but 5 days early.

So, Monday we woke up and got ready and went to the movie. As we were driving to the theatre I was thinking, "the theatre will be empty and we'll probably be the only ones there". I couldn't have been more wrong. We got there about 10 minutes before the movie started and the theatre was packed. We had a hard time finding two seats together. And I was even more surprised at the people there to watch the movie. It was a good mix of gay and straight. Actually, I think there were more straight people there then gay.

The movie. You know how sometimes you get all worked up about something and then when it actually happens it's kind of a let down. Well, this did not happen with this movie. This was such a good movie. It was very touching and really showed that gay people are not these weirdos that conservatives want you to believe. It was about a genuine love. As we were walking out I asked Laura on a scale or 1-10 (10 being best) what she thought. She looked at me and said, "we will own that movie when it comes out to DVD".

One of the most touching parts was near the end. One of them went to visit with the others parents and they were so kind to him. It was as if they knew all along and accepted their son anyway. Made me long for that acceptance with my family. I think it made me long for that kind of acceptance all over. My first thought after the movie was, "I am so glad we live in a time that is more accepting to gays." But after much thought, are we really? Yes, Laura and I can live in the same house and not worry too much about being outcasted in our neighborhood or town. But we still have restrictions on how much affection we can show in public. I have found that people are more accepting of it when they don't have to deal with it. But when they have to deal with it on a personal basis, then they have a problem with it. People mention that it makes them feel uncomfortable to see two homosexuals showing any kind of affection because they aren't used to it. I do agree that a lot of affection in public is not approriate. I have told many people to get a hotel room because I think it's inapproriate to be all over each other in public..gay or straight. But if I feel like holding hands with Laura in public or giving her a quick kiss, there should be nothing wrong with that.

Laura and I got into a discussion last night about many things concerning the rights of gays. She told me she is done with being an "activist" due to the consequences it has caused to her career. She has lost jobs because of her being gay. I on the other hand have a very accepting profession where being gay is welcomed and many social workers are gay themselves. I feel we need to continue to fight for our rights. I feel that by throwing your hands up and saying "I am done" can do a lot of damage to the future rights of gays. What if we all did that. Then where would we be? We would be forced back in the closest and to not be honest about who we really are.

When I came "out" to my family they gave me a choice. If you continue living your life as a homoesexual we will have nothing to do with you. Or you can pretend to be something you aren't and you will still be part of our family. The very thought of losing my family scared the shit out of me. I didn't think I was strong enough to "survive" in the world without them. I took a chance. I lived by faith for the first time in my life. It was as if I was standing at a cliff with my parents standing behind me saying either jump or get back. I made the decision to go with what felt right to me. And I still stand behind that feeling today.

Being gay and sharing my life with a woman is what is right for ME. It's not right for everyone. But isn't that what is great. How boring would the world be if we were all alike and liked the exact same things?

The Day Summed Up

This sums up how our day was. It was filled with lots of little "cat" naps and lots of sunshine. We had unseasonably warm weather with the high being 66. We also sat and figured out our budget for the first month of the year and made a tenative plan for our finances for the first three months. All in all, it was a produtive day.

Happy 2006!!!!

I hope everyone had a wonderful New Years Eve. Laura and I had a wonderful time. We drove down to her older sisters house around 4pm to spend the evening. Laura's parents came down as well as did her oldest nephew and his family. (Landon and Landon's Mom) We had a fun filled night of games and just talking. It was fun because we had two game tables set up. One was for dominoes and the other was for Poker. Each were in a different room. Because of Landon, we don't smoke in the same room he is in. So, we would switch off with watching him so we could smoke. He is such a good baby. But he was a little grumpy because he had a cold/cough, he is teething and just two days ago he got 4 shots. Ouch!! Poor guy. He is such a doll.

By 11pm everyone had left except me and Laura. We decided to hang around til midnight. I wanted to see Dick Clark and see what he looked like after his stroke. Man was I shocked. It was so sad. He looked old and there were times I could not understand him. My guess is, he won't be around for New Years Eve next year. He just didn't look like he was doing that good. Midnight rang in and we headed home. I was a little nervous about driving home because we had a good 45 minute drive. We thought for sure we would run into a check point. NONE. I think we only saw 2 cops the whole drive home.

By the time we got home we were exhausted. Plus, I had had three Coronas, so I was ready for bed. I don't drink that much and honestly this is the first time I have drank in close to two years. But every once in a while I feel like having a drink. Last night was one of those times. So, we get into bed and we are sound asleep. Then the phone rings. It's 1:33am. My first thought was it's either the answering service from my office or it's her parents or older sister making sure we had made it home safe. Wrong. It was Laura's younger sister. I answer the phone. (Laura and I sound so much alike on the phone people can't tell us apart) Her sister wishes me a Happy New Year. I say the same back to her and then tell her it's Caroline. There is silence. She then says, "I like you so much Caroline. You and I just click. You are like my sister." At this point I knew she probably had had too much to drink. Laura did tell me that when her younger sister drinks she is very honest and isn't bullshitting you. I did enjoy what she said. We ended up talking for about 30 minutes before I handed the phone over to Laura. So, by the time we got off the phone it was 2:30am. Back to sleep.

8:12am. The phone rings. It's Laura's Dad. He was on his way up because he was helping us replace the battery in her car. We're not sure why he couldn't have waited til maybe 10, but that is ok. So, we were up til about 11am and then went back to bed. I think we finally got out of bed around 1pm and are just having a lazy day. It's great.

That was our New Year Night. I must now get back to my lazy afternoon.