I Love My Life

Today was a very good day. I drove up and spent the day with S and we enjoyed a drive in the country and we also spent some time in my soon-to-be hometown. I feel so at home there and know this is where I belong right now. I can't believe my dream of living in the country will come true in just about six weeks. The icing on the cake is the fact that the woman I love and want to spend the rest of my life will be just 40 minutes away.

One of the things that both S and I love doing is looking at old churches. We came across this church that really was in the middle of nowhere and it was just beautiful. I love how S knows so much about all these old churches and knows where the most beautiful ones are. Even though I still have a problem with organized religion, I somehow feel closer to God when I am standing in front of a beautiful church. As I stood there today I looked up and thanked God for seeing me through the car wreck last week and for continuing to give me strength when I think I have none. The elders that told me God would no longer love me when I was disfellowshipped had no idea what they were talking about. Not only has God continued to love me, but I feel that through all the struggles I have gone through He has proved them completely wrong and pulled me in closer to Him.

The past six months with S has also shown me how much God has blessed me. When Laura left me I felt I did not deserve to be loved and there must be something wrong with me. The last six months I have realized that not only do I deserve love, but I deserve the best and S certainly is the best of the best. I now know that Laura was not good for me and the break up was a way to get me to the love that I do deserve.

S loves me exactly the way I am. Not only does she love all my good traits, but she understands my struggles and even embraces them. Most of the time when I am struggling with something I don't even have to say anything to her, she just knows. When I feel disappointed in myself she reminds me that I am OK exactly the way I am.

I know that no matter what happens in my life, everything will be OK. I have gone through a lot to get to this point and the peace of mind I feel is something I have never felt before.

I love my life.