Revisiting the Past

I tried to take Susan's picture while we were out to lunch on Saturday and this picture is the result. Obviously she has not been around me long enough to realize that I truly am the paparazzi and will take lots of pictures. I joked with her that it was OK that this picture didn't turn out because the one of her sleeping was great. She didn't think that was too funny.

It's hard to believe that it's been over a month since we met. I read a blog this morning of someone that has also been dating someone for a month and they talked about how much things have changed for them in that month. I really can say the same thing about my life. Before I met Susan I knew that things were going to be OK, but I just had no idea how it was all going to work out. Now I have a very clear picture as to how my future will be and it makes me extremely happy.

When I think back to the women I dated after Laura, I am just so thankful that I have found someone that is sweet, kind, beautiful and all around just a really good person. I know I am very lucky.

Since I have so many new readers I thought I would do a recap of my dating experiences after Laura.

March 2007: Within a few weeks of the break-up Laura really encouraged me to get out there and start dating. I knew I was not ready and I have no idea why I went out. My first date was with a woman I had met online and really she was a nice person, but throughout the dinner all I could think about was Laura. All I could do was talk about her, etc. I was so surprised when the woman asked me out again. I never responded to her email because I just couldn't think of being with anyone but Laura.

April 2007: I met Jenn who was living in Oklahoma City. We had talked a few times before I drove out to see Lynilu. As I was driving home I called Jenn and we agreed to meet for dinner on my way back. A few weeks later I drove down to OKC again for the weekend. It was the weekend that Laura and I were suppose to go to Florida for our commitment ceremony. I was miserable the entire weekend and it was very apparent to Jenn. On Sunday morning I woke up and she was still asleep and I debated about just leaving without saying goodbye to her. I did wait until she woke up, but I quickly broke it off because I knew it was not working. Jenn and I occasionally IM and she has been good about forgiving me for being such a bitch that weekend.

May 2007: I met STL and we hit it off right away. Within a month of long distance dating she wanted me to move to St. Louis. I almost moved. I had found an apartment, put down a deposit and was ready to turn in my notice at work. But something stopped me and I called the apartment and canceled everything. This did not go over well with STL and she became very upset. I just was not ready to move away from KC or the job that I loved so much. We argued a lot over my job and she told me, "The people you work with don't care about you and it really doesn't matter if you stay or go." I think it was that comment that changed my mind about moving there and I am so thankful that I did change my mind. STL and I remained friends for a few months, but I have not talked with her since early March of this year.

August 2007: Sheryl (aka: MG). Many of you know this story about me moving in with her after a few months and then being asked to leave after 10 days. When I think back to that time I can now laugh, but at the time I really felt like my life was going nowhere fast. The night she asked me to leave I really debated whether I had anything to live for. Besides the break-up, this was probably the darkest period in my life after Laura and I split. Then to have to put Brady to sleep just 3 weeks after this was too much for me to handle. I retreated into my house and vowed not to date for a very long time. I didn't follow through with my plan to not date for a while.

November/December 2007: I talked with 2 women online and they were crazy. One was still married and turned out she and her husband were wanting someone to join them in their bedroom. I don't share well and asking for a threesome is a deal breaker for me. I then talked with a woman in late December for a while and I quickly learned she was crazy and seemed to be very unstable. I ran quickly to the nearest exit.

In late December I decided that what I was doing was not working so I needed to take some time off to evaluate myself and really what I wanted. I think I was at a point where I felt like I didn't deserve someone good or someone that would treat me well. For so long I was settling and not being good to myself.

Taking 8 months off from dating was the best thing for me. I really worked hard on myself and really thought hard about what I wanted in a partner. I decided that I would no longer settle and somewhere along the line (thanks for some really great friends) I realized that I did deserve to be with someone that adored me and treated me well.

I have always had the feeling that when the time was right, she would find me. The beginning of last month she did find me and my life has been completely changed for the better.

When I was in elementary school I always hated when we would have to stand in line and we would get picked for teams. When Laura picked Sharon over me it was like I was back in elementary school again and I was standing in front of everyone and everyone could see that I was not picked. Not only was my heart broken, but my pride was also hurt.

Susan summed it up very well this past weekend. We were sitting on the couch watching TV and she looked over at me and said, "I am so glad Laura is in Shreveport. "

Me too.