I have been working hard at not letting fear run my life. I strongly believe that my attitude has a lot to do with what happens in my life. By putting out all this fear and doubt I feel that sometimes I am just setting myself up to fail. I think overall I have done pretty well with things, but tonight I am afraid. I am really afraid.
My biggest fear is that I will end up on the streets. I know that this fear is something that would probably never happen, but when you are facing losing your home a lot of things go through your mind. And what I think would be worse then being on the streets would be not being able to keep Sophie, Ben or Bonk. There are so many times I sit here and look at them and I feel like I have let them down.
My life used to be so stable. I was able to pay all my bills and money was not an issue. Now I am sitting here with a job that I am making more then I ever have and I can't seem to make ends meet. It doesn't make sense.
This afternoon I called a Bankruptcy lawyer and I have an appointment on the 18th. I want to see what my options even though I pretty much know what I need to do. Admitting that you are in over your head is a very hard thing to do. I am hoping to do a Chapter 13 because I really do want to pay these debts off instead of just wiping them away.
Each morning when I get up I have to tell myself that it will be all be OK. It's weird how some days I feel like I can conquer anything and then there are nights like this where I feel like I am in such a mess I will never find my way out.
When you add the stress from my financial problems and my work stress I end up feeling like I have failed so many people; most importantly myself.
I am fairly close with one of the nurses at our facility. She is very religious and I am just fascinated by some of the things she says. When I first started she kind of freaked me out and I avoided her. But slowly she has grown on me and I often times find myself going to her office for just a break from the other chaos. Today I shared with her about my house and asked her to just say a prayer for me. She then immediately started praying out loud for me (see, I told you she was religious). It was a very sincere prayer for things to work out and for me to be OK and to know that I am loved.
So I am going to ask all of you a favor. Whomever you pray to, please take a second and say a prayer for me. Pray that I will be OK and that I will not be so afraid in this whole process. Pray that I will have some guidance in all of this and make the right decisions and choices. I have a long and emotional process to go through and I know some extra prayers will help.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
17 comments:
Although you and I dont know each other. Me and my husband almost lost our house not only is it hard to do with pets but children also.We got a lawyer just in time and for the time being saved our house.I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers.Just for the record the people in your life that have been mean and nasty it will come back to bite them on the @$$
Consider it done.
You are in my thoughts. Best of luck.
Prayers and (((hugs))) for you and the babies
Prayers coming your way Caroline. Hope this all works out for you.
Ruth in Canada
Oh Caroline, things will work for you, I know they will. I they will work out in a way that is better than you could have thought of yourself. I know that it can bug me when people say this, because it feels like I have been waiting years and years for things to shift to a good place. But today, I truly truly believe in it. Truly.
I feel better than I have felt in over a year and I know it is because I have followed my heart and worked through my emotions and sat with every moment of my life. Even the sucky ones like a couple of days, when I thought it was the end of the world.
Stick with your feelings, let them take their course. Take one step at a time with what needs to be done. Trust yourself!!
You have my prayers,
Annie
xxx
You are in my thoughts as well. And you will never be homeless because there's a spare room or two in Atlanta for you and your gang if that ever came CLOSE to happening. Which it wont.
I will very much keep you in my prayers today. Good luck with the lawyer. A family member of mine went through that some time ago due to her asshole ex-husband. She moved in with a family member and was able to get back on her feet in not too long, I think she filed for 13 too. Best of luck to you!
Yes, I'll put you in my morning prayers for sure. You can't believe how this post resonates with me. In less than two years, the house that I've lived in for 11 years is going to be sold. I've been in a place of fear thinking about where I will live with my kids when this all goes down. Still, I have to keep a positive outlook.
Happy new year!
Okay Caroline I just sat here and said a very heartfelt prayer for you my dear friend. Being afraid is a terrible, terrible feeling. I hope all of our prayers come to pass.
I'll keep you in my prayers, you have been there all this time. :)
Done, dear one.
Coming from here, too. And you know, maybe it isn't all bad. Maybe getting out from under and starting over is just the ticket to well...starting over. You have a good job and you have friends. You will not be homeless.
This too shall pass and you will come out a winner. You will!!!
I already have been my friend :)
I hope you get the guidance that you need. We will be thinking of you and praying for everything to work out for you.
Lots of love,
Holly
Yu should check out daveramsey.com. Court and I follow his cash envelope system and it has worked phenomenally for us.
http://www.daveramsey.com/etc/cms/index.cfm?intContentID=3461
I found your blog today thru Tammy.
I'm in a similar financial situation. It's amazing how I'm making the most money I ever have, yet I have nothing in the end. I finally did something, it has relieved the burden, but I hated to do it. It will be a long 4 years until I get this mess cleared up.
I will keep you in my thoughts.
BTW...I'm not all that far from you! We have several friends and family members in the KC area.
Keep your chin up!
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