Reflecting on 2007

I have been so busy the last couple of days. I think I have only had time to read a few blogs and really feel disconnected from my blogger friends. I am busy at work training my new night/weekend tech supervisor and having someone with you during the entire work day is draining. I love the woman I hired and I know we are going to be a great team and soon we will have an awesome tech team. She has come with some great ideas and I can't wait to put them into place. Last week I was feeling completely overwhelmed and this week I feel recharged.

With 2007 almost over I have been doing a lot of thinking about this year. The last two years I have picked one picture for each month and talked about what I did during the month. I have debated about doing that this year, but not too sure I want to do that. Why look back and remember all the struggles and pain I was in? There are a couple pictures of myself from March and April. I literally want to cry when I see those pictures. Here is a picture I took on March 22.

I remember doing a post about "Finding my smile". Now that almost 9 months have passed I look at this picture completely differently. I see someone that is just wanting to be loved. I see someone whose world has been blown apart. I see someone that was willing to sacrifice her own happiness for someone that did not deserve it. I see someone that has so much to give and a heart about as big as the world itself. I see a person that thinks no one will ever love her again and I see someone that thinks she is damaged goods.

This past year I came very close to not making it. I don't think any of you (well a few know) realize how close I came to ending my life. I let someone that did not deserve any of my love or kindness almost take my soul. For months and months I felt that because Laura did not love me I was not worthy of love from anyone.

Tonight I was told by a good friend that she would not be who she is if it weren't for me this past year. She told me that by watching me go through all I went through and the way I handled it made her realize she could handle what is now being thrown her way. She said she would sometimes wonder how I could still be so kind and loving when I was in so much pain and having so much crap thrown at me. I sometimes wonder how I have not become a jaded and very angry person after all the crap I have been through.

In April I asked my friend why she was doing all she was for me with no hesitation. She first told me that she felt she was there to save me. My first thought was, "no, you can't do that..I can only save myself". Tonight my friend shared with me that she thought she was sent to save me, but in reality I saved her this year. It's funny how things work out, isn't it.

I guess this just shows that the strength I have had this year is not my own. I could have never made it through this year without the strength I received from all of you.

I have so many people to thank for this past year that I feel this could turn into one of those Oscar acceptance speeches that goes on and on until you finally hear the music indicating a commercial. So, just know that each comment, email, surprise package, phone call and TXT message is what saved me this year. I know that when that special person comes into my life, the two of us will be thanking each of you.