As Strong as Popeye

OK, so this post is going to be a little pat on the back for myself. I think it's about time I do that for myself.

The word has gotten out at work that I grew up in a cult like religion and I have no contact with my family. Today the Operations Manager stopped by my office to chat. A few weeks back a bunch of the managers went out to lunch (I still can't believe I am a manager and go to lunch with rest of the managers..hehe) and something came up about something I didn't do as a child. Jeff, the operations manager said, "why couldn't you do that?" My main boss said, "Because of the cult". I then had to explain about growing up as a JW and getting kicked out. Of course Jeff asked why I got kicked out of the church. So onto another story I went. So today he wanted to stop and ask some more questions about growing up a JW and getting kicked out. He asked how my family took the fact that I was gay. I laughed and said, "well, they didn't take it at all". After explaining how I have literally no contact with my family (unless they are being nosey or want something) he just had this look on his face like he was saying, "wow".

It got me thinking about peoples reactions when I share with them about the last 3 years and especially the last six months. I can see on their faces that they are looking at me like I am this strong, confident person that has overcome so much and surprise surprise, I am still sane. (well kind of--hehe)

Talking with MG about different things that Laura has said or my parents she just stands there with this stunned look on her face. I think a lot of people (MG included) find it hard to believe that I can not only talk about it with very little emotion, but the fact that I downplay how strong I am. MG calls me her Steel Maple. I asked her where that came from. She told me that it all has to do with my strength. She then told me that not only am I strong, but I am still kind and loving. She said a lot of people would have turned bitter after the last six months. That made me think.

I think in the beginning I was very bitter, but I learned quickly that life is way too short to be bitter and be resentful. Yes what Laura did was a horrible thing, but she actually did me a huge favor. Yes, what my parents have done to me is horrible, but again they did me a huge favor.

I have learned to appreciate love more in the last six months. I have learned the true meaning of forgiveness. To forgive someone is not for them, but for you. As soon as I forgave my parents for what they did and didn't do I felt free. As soon as I forgave Laura for what she did and didn't do I again felt free. As soon as I forgave myself for what I have done or haven't done, I felt free.

It's amazing the people that God sends into my life. It seems each person that enters my life lately has a different mirror that I am forced to look in and see who I really am.

I am slowly realizing that the person I thought I was (weak and unlovable) is the complete opposite.

Yes I am strong and I am damn proud of that fact.