The other day MG and I were talking about my blog as well as the ones I read. Just the day before I had counted the blogs in my favorites to see how many I actually read. I was shocked at the number; 87. I had no idea that I read so many blogs. About 25 of those are ones that I just lurk on and never comment. But still, that leaves 62 that I read and comment on a regular basis. When I was first talking to MG about the number of blogs I read, I had her guess the number of blogs I read. Her first guess was 12. I told her higher and she said 20. I said higher (as her eyes got bigger) and she said 30. I then told her that it was 87 that I read on a regular basis. I am not sure who was more shocked, me (hearing myself say the number 87) or MG who realized how much blogs are a part of my life.
Tonight I emailed her a small list of the blogs that I read. She told me that she might as well take back all her library books since she doesn't know when she will have time to read them with all the new blogs to read. Who knows, maybe one day I will make a blogger out of her. :) I can't tell you how nice it is to be with someone that accepts the fact that I blog instead of fighting me all the way.
I am still trying to work up the courage to give MG my blog address and permission to view it. Maybe part of me is afraid that she will read what I went through and how desperate I had become at some points and rethink us. I don't see her doing that, but still I worry. So much of my feelings of hurt, sad and anger were expressed on this blog. I will not take away any posts because that was part of my history, but I still worry about her reading exactly how I felt going through all of that. Please tell me not to be afraid to share this part of my life with her.
I will tell you this, MG respecting my decision at least for now to keep my blog private is showing me how much I really can trust her and how healthy this relationships appears to be.
20 comments:
Take your time, since MG is respecting your blog now, you will know when the time is right to share your blog with her.
So will I have a new visitor to my blog? :)
i am reminded of a friend and her daughter-- she couldn't wait to introduce her daughter all the things she loved to do as kid, only to learn that the beauty of parenting was letting her daughter learn new things and permitting mom to be a part of that, which then created genuine mother-daughter bond. because it was allowed to develop, wasn't rushed, strong bond was forged-- it unfolded as it should have...i have now learned to think of relationships like that and in doing so, have found greater depth.
katie--you are exactly right...thank you
casey--i believe you do have a new reader
anonymous--that was beautifully put.
I have 98 feeds in my Bloglines reader. Eek. But I'm not much of a commenter on most of them.
I don't think you said anything on here to be ashamed of -- no worries.
amy--wow, you have more then me. and thanks for the reassurance...
Yeah! All in it's own time, at t's own pace and for the right reasons!
You'll probably just know when it's time to give her permission. It might be at a time when you've already shared the more personal stuff, no?
I've read most of your blog though, and in my opinion the times you were low did NOT come off as desperate in any way. You come off as human...beautifully so.
You will know when the time is right my dear. It's important to honor your feelings and trust yourself.
It's good to 'feel' your happy vibes from here. Peace.
Excuse me, I just came back and realized ... 87? 87?????
Good grief.
87???
lynilu--exactly...and as for the 87...girl you know you read just as many...don't forget you learned to blog from me. :)
julie--thank you for what you said. for the first time i went back and read what i wrote during march and april. it made me sad that i was so down, but also glad to see that i have come so far
traci--if you are enjoying the happy vibes can you imagine my thrill that i am actually feeling them. its' all good :)
I'm slowly inching my way up to your number! I'm sure you'll know when to let her into your blog?
Sometimes I take down posts that I'm not longer 'feeling'. I don't delete them, I might like to read them again later...maybe I'll even put them back up again later when I'm totally ok with whatever it was about. But if they don't represent how you feel right here, right now, I don't see anything wrong with pulling a few down, at least for a while.
Take your time. She will appreciate reading it at some point when you are ready.
BTW - I have 112 on bloglines. eek. But I have a much smaller number of favorites...including you know who.
I dont read that many but I'm in the 50's :) maybe we should post some of our favorites on here and everyone could have new ones to read :) Just a thought for something to do to interact.
Hugs
Bobbie
audra--my number seems to get bigger each day...i think i might be addicted :)
sandra--that's a very good idea. i will think about that
holly--wow, 112. just like you i have my personal favorites that by their trackers it would seem like i am stalking them considering how often i check their blogs. :)
eye--that's a great idea for a post. thanks
Hmmm I need to count how many blogs I visit! I could never ever give up reading though. Ever!
I just shared my blog with the hubs, it was a huge thing for me. You'll know when/if the time is right
Book? What is this "book" thing you speak of??
Blogs are books in the making!
patti--i guess blogs are like children...you imagine your life without them.
unknown me--for the last 4 weeks i have been trying to get through my "dog the bounty hunter" book and my blogs just keep getting in my way. ugh...
tell MG it's fixed! she can comment now :)
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