Yes I am still around.
I am not feeling too motivated to blog right now. This coming weekend and next week are going to be very hard for me. We were to leave for Florida on Saturday and the ceremony was to take place on Monday. I know it's over (it's so fucking obvious), but I am still wondering how we ended up here. My heart is slowly catching up to my mind and I pray that the two will be on the same page soon.
I am still exhausted. I am wondering when I will get some energy back and some motivation to do something other then sit on the couch. Good news is, I am still not motivated to eat so I am still losing weight. Hell, I might be at my goal weight by my birthday next month.
More then anything right now I am angry. I am angry at myself for allowing myself to be treated like this for so long. Looking back on the last three years, I had to give up a lot of who I was for her. I vow to never do that again. N.E.V.E.R.
She has officially moved out and I am loving the peace I finally have in my house. Well, I will have total peace when all her stuff is out of the house as well.
I have learned a lot of things over the past few days and here are just a few:
*I am a wonderful person who deserves the very best in a partner
*There is nothing wrong with me and I am perfect exactly the way I am right now
*Anyone would be lucky to be with me
I have a list going and I am adding to that list daily. Writing out in black/white the good things about myself seem to really help me.
Keep on keeping on......
13 comments:
Sounds like your doing great. Glad to hear it. The only suggestion I would make would be to pick up a copy of "CoDependant No More - Melody Beattie". It may not apply to you, but it is a good read.
Add to your list that you're a strong, capable, independent woman, who will always come out on top of things!
Yeah, just keep on keepin' on. You'll make it, dear girl. And don't close up ... the is a life yet to be enjoyed, and there are people out there who will want to be with you. Don't be afraid to give of yourself, please. That's a beautiful part of who you are.
YOu should be very proud of yourself for reaching this point. You are stronger than you know and worth more than you could ever possibly imagine.
You deserve all good things. And you will get them!
Keep adding to that list! You're doing a great job of taking care of YOU. ((hugs))
Caroline you are doing wonderfully. You may not feel it but you are. I really think it's a good thing she moved out. Space is crucial during times like these.
At least you are not gaining weight and adding to your unhappiness. If I were in your shoes I know I would be chowing down out of stress. I so admire you and want you to find someone who brings you unconditional love and happiness.
You hang in there, girl! I am a new "Caroline" reader, and I admire your strength.
I've heard that writing out affirmations is even more powerful than saying them...it might be true. Keep adding to that list, it's gonna get long!
You aren't doing an easy thing, and you really are doing it well, even if it doesn't feel like it sometimes. I do think it is good that you have some space to yourself now. I was wondering how you were still handling that living situation -- that would be hard. Keep looking for the positive in yourself -- it's there.
It's good to see you tonight. You sound like you are getting it together. It is a long slow process sometimes my friend. Peace.
I know this process is hard, terribly terribly hard. Keep on keepin on and you will persevere.
Peace
You are doing a great job of dealing with things. Its got to be very hard. I do agree with anonymous...CoDependant No More is an awesome book. I read it and found that I did things described in the book without even realizing it. It really opened my eyes and helped me. Give it a shot!
psst..
You know there are plenty of us out here who are rooting for ya, right?
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